


You've Got a Brand of Magic Never Fails

by rudeminnesotan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto
Genre: Androgyny, Asexual Harry, Asexual Harry Potter, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Gai's Thesaurus, Gen, Genie Harry, How Do I Tag, no betas we post like champions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2020-06-22 22:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 57,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19681984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudeminnesotan/pseuds/rudeminnesotan
Summary: Harry had never allowed anyone to have control over him, despite his circumstances, and he wasn't about to start now. However, he has a powerful urge to help that blond kid out, and more than enough magic to spare. So, 'Whatchu wish, I really wanna know?' Tsume Yuki Prompt Response. Don't own. Probably Gen. Swearing.





	1. Brand of Magic

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposting this from Fanfiction.net. I have no idea how to tag, or what to even add for tags... Ideas? Thanks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt.
> 
> Prompt is taken from Tsume Yuki’s “Ain’t Never Had a Friend Like Me.” But with my own spin. I do have permission from Tsume Yuki for said spin. I also realize this prompt has been responded too before. I’ve read most that I’ve found. They’re great. Go read them too. 

_It started in the Department of Mysteries… but doesn’t it always?_

_No, wait. That was wrong. It started at the Battle for Hogwarts, when I died for the first time (or was it the second time?)_

_Wait…. Maybe it started before that. Much… much before that._

_But I suppose you’re wondering what IT is, huh?_

_Well, it started like this…_

... ... ...

* * *

“What do you mean I’m stuck here?” Harry turned to the personification of Death that was taking up residence inside of the tiny bottle that he was, apparently, now stuck in.

IT’S LIKE I SAID, MASTER. YOU’RE STUCK HERE.

The voice that responded to Harry’s inquiry was like the keel of a death bell. However, Harry was used to it by now.

“But how did that happen? Aren’t you DEATH, Can’t you get me out?” His voice sounded like a whine, but he was nearly 40 years old—for all that he still looked 17—and he did NOT whine.

MASTER, MY POWER DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

If Death sounded anything other than, well, Death, there would have been a sigh somewhere in those words. As it was, it was pretty monotone and flat for all that it sounded like coffin lids slamming.

“Well that’s stupid, I don’t want to be stuck in here.” Definitely sounded like whining now. There was even a little pout to his lips, arms folded over a small, thin chest.

The black mass of robes that made up the personification of Death moved in a motion that could be considered a shrug. At least, Harry considered it that way.

“What do I do now? You can’t get me out, I can’t get me out. I’m stuck in a bottle—like…” There was a pause as Harry seemed to finally fully grasp his situation. “Bloody hell, I’m a GENIE?!”

MORE LIKE A JINN, BUT GENIE WORKS TOO.

‘Who taught Death sarcasm?’ Harry thought as he threw an angry, and slightly bewildered look, at Death.

“Just…. Shut up. Let me think.” Death nodded, or made a gesture similar to it, while Harry adopted a stereotypical thinking pose.

Time passed. Who knows how much. It was hard to tell in the bottle.

“Does my magic still work in here?” Was the question that Harry eventually posed to Death. “Even if I can’t leave?”

OF COURSE MASTER. YOU’VE GOT A BRAND OF MAGIC THAT NEVER FAILS.

There was definitely a smirk in those words, but mostly it vanished under the sounds of the old bell of Death’s voice.

“Fucking Disney,” Harry muttered, waving his hands around to make the inside of the bottle more comfortable. At least he hadn’t gotten hungry or anything yet.

... ... ...

* * *

Time passed, as time is wont to do. Death had not stuck around, but neither had Harry really. Somehow, time inside the bottle passed very differently from outside of the bottle. What seemed like a few days had apparently been a few years—at least according to the calendar Harry was able to take a gander at once some unlucky sap had rubbed his lamp (that’s what she said?).

Several people had actually rubbed his lamp (giggity) but Harry refused to grant their wishes. He wasn’t that type of Jinn, and none of the people who let him out showed him any kind of respect. Nor did they deserve his magic to be used that way. The lamp didn’t make it so he HAD to grant their wishes, however, it did give them control over putting him back inside the bottle. That part sucked. But Harry didn’t have to do what they said, so they usually just tossed him away after realizing he wouldn’t do what they said.

It was the latest Minister of Magic who had his lamp last, and she had tossed his bottle rather severely. Through the bloody Veil (it’s always the bloody Veil). At least that’s what Death had told Harry after it happened. Harry didn’t feel anything different inside the bottle. He probably would outside, but no one had found his bottle quite yet.

Yet.

... ... ...

* * *

It was a perfectly normal, sunny day in Konoha. Birds were chirping, Ninja were roof hopping. The Hokage was smoking his pipe. Kakashi was reading porn. Gai was shouting about youth. Naruto was digging through the trash. Normal.

Long before Naruto knew what a nindo was, he subscribed to the belief that ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.’ That was how he had found most of the things in his apartment. And a lot of his ninja gear—just wait an hour or so after a pair of chuunin were done sparring, then go into the training field and pick up everything that was left. Some were bent, but most just blunted and knicked, so they merely needed a good sharpen. Naruto could do that. He was good at that. Resourceful. That’s why he was digging through the trash again.

An old, widowed, kunoichi had finally passed away. Two years before, when her son had died, Naruto had managed to get some good ninja clothes from her trash. A little wash, a little dye, and presto: New clothes for Naruto. Now that she had passed, her daughter was throwing away so much stuff… and Naruto knew it would be a gold mine.

He had his backpack with him, with a few storage scrolls he had pilfered from a trashcan near the Hot Spring—why they had been there, he had no idea, but they still worked after a small touch up of the ink, so he wasn’t complaining—and he was taking SO much stuff. It wasn’t stealing, merely… reacquisition.

Naruto was about to finish for the night because he could see the dawn was imminent, and he wanted to hit up the grocery store on the south side that sometimes threw away mostly good fruits and vegetables, when he hit the mother lode—at least in his opinion. See, Naruto loved when he found unique items in his ‘hauls’, and this bottle that he had just fished out of the garbage was one of the most unique things he had ever seen. Parts of it were so black, it sucked away the light, but other parts seemed to sparkle like the stars in the sky above him. It was dirty, but so much of what Naruto found was so he didn’t even care.

Quickly, he shoved it into his backpack, gathered up his scrolls full of goodies, and bolted back to his apartment. When he arrived, he dumped out his entire backpack in his haste and quickly went about organizing the items. Naruto wanted everything where it belonged—he was surprisingly well organized for a 10-year-old—on the right shelf, and in the right back, before he started to clean up his prize.

Once Naruto had finished with that, the sun had peaked over the horizon. With a forlorn look cast at the bottle, sitting center on his kitchen table, he sighed and went to bed. The bottle wouldn’t be going anywhere, and he needed at least two hours of sleep before going to the academy that day.

... ... ...

* * *

Academy that day was uneventful. He didn’t have much to eat for lunch since he hadn’t gone to the grocery dumpster the night before, but Naruto could barely focus—less than usual anyway—because all he wanted to do was go home and clean his new bottle. Maybe he would pick some of the wildflowers by the river before going home so he had something to put in it once it was clean…

The second the bell had rung, Naruto had bolted out of there. His dazed, happy look, and rush to leave put Iruka on edge—had to be another prank—but even Iruka’s yell to wait didn’t stop Naruto. Not when he had a shiny at home to make shiny again.

Flying up the stairs to his apartment, he quickly unlocked the door and made sure his bottle was still there. He smiled, cleaned up from a long day at school, and then grabbed his cleaning supplies. After grabbing the bottle, he went to where he had his low table set up in his bedroom and sat on the floor. With the balcony, there was better light and air flow in there than in his kitchen.

Turning the bottle over in his hands, he tested the lid to see if it would come off and if he could use it for flowers. The answer: no. The lid was stuck.

“Oh well,” Naruto muttered to himself as he prepared a bucket to soak the bottle’s exterior, “It will still look cool on my shelf.”

Fifteen minutes later, Naruto was ready to start wiping the bottle down. Imagine his surprise went out of the bottle flowed a glittering smoke that took the shape of a small…. Woman?

The boy who would one day become the most unpredictable ninja was left speechless.

“Oy. Shut your gob, or flies are going to land in there,” a distinctly masculine voice came out of the … woman?

Naruto jumped to his feet and shouted, his brain finally having restarted after a few blinks.

“You’re a genie!” Was the shout, even accompanied by a point.

“If you say so, Captain Obvious.” That voice was definitely male. And it had an accent. A weird accent, not that Naruto knew the differences between them. Just that he sounded like no one he had heard in all of Konoha, even when going through the Merchant’s district.

Harry, for his part, was looking around the room he had landed in. After coming out of the bottle, he could finally feel the differences between England and here. There was so much more wild-energy in the air, it would have made his hair stand on end if it had been short—kind of like the blond shouter in front of him. Harry thanked himself again for the idea to grow his hair long. It helped tame his hair, especially when plaited.

Anyway, Harry could tell that this world was different. There was a distinctly Asian feel to it. If he hadn’t been told by Death ages ago that ‘Death spoke all languages because Death came for Everyone’ Harry would have been worried about a language barrier, but that was just one of the perks of being the Master of Death, apparently. Maybe one of the only perks…

Harry needed to stop getting distracted. He turned back to the blond, who had been gaping at Harry. A smile flashed across his youthful features as he took in the current holder of his lamp. Never before had a kid rubbed his lamp. That made him smile. Taking a good look at the kid, however, made him start to frown.

“Kid, where are your parents?” Harry asked, cutting off whatever Naruto had been about to say.

“Ain’t got none,” Naruto replied, not even mad about it, or the fact he’d been interrupted. It was par for the course for him. “I’m an orphan.” Because it needed to be reiterated.

“Huh.” Harry didn’t comment much more on that, moving to sit down on the floor like he’s seen Blondie doing a moment ago. “What’s your name?”

Once more, whatever Naruto had been about to say was cut off by the genie who had come out of his new bottle—lamp, actually, since there was a genie in it.

“Uzumaki Naruto! And I’m gonna be Hokage!” The double response wasn’t quite automatic for Naruto yet, but it would be in the future.

Harry had no idea what a Fire Shadow was, so simply wished the boy luck on that before replying with his own name.

“What kind of name is Needle?” Naruto asked, taking a seat across from his genie.

“What kind of name is Fishcake?” Harry retorted with a raised eyebrow.

Naruto blinked, then scowled. “I use the characters for Maelstrom!”

“And I’m not Japanese, so we’re even. Just Harry.” The Genie replied.

“Harry is a weird name for a girl.” Naruto was pretty sure the genie wasn’t a girl—not with a deep voice like that—however, all the other feature on the genie: the long hair, the pretty face, the big eyes. Those pointed to the genie being a girl. Heck, the genie was almost prettier than Sakura!

Apparently, the genie didn’t like being called a girl. The genie puffed up in anger, or would have had his…? Her? Their long hair hadn’t been tied back in a braid.

“I’M NOT A GIRL! JUST BECAUSE I’M SHORT DOESN’T MEAN I’M A GIRL!”

“You also have long hair.” Naruto pointed out with absolutely no tack.

“BOYS CAN HAVE LONG HAIR TOO! JUST LOOK AT…” Harry paused here, “Wait, do you know who…” And he rattled off the name of a man who was pretty famous before he got trapped in his bottle.

The blond blinked slowly, then shook his head. “Though I know some of those weird byaku-whatever eyed Hyuuga’s have long hair. So I guess you’re right, Genie-chan.” Naruto sure does like the taste of his foot, eh?

It was Harry’s turn to blink slowly. “I have no idea who or what you’re talking about.” The name that Naruto had bestowed upon Harry was lost on him since the ‘All-speak’ or ‘Death language’ or whatever the hell it was that was allowing Harry to understand the blond kid didn’t translate the name well.

Naruto stared at the Genie before him… and shrugged. If the genie didn’t understand—and granted, his understanding was passing at best. He knew he had a classmate with those eyes, but the name of those eyes seemed to elude him—then him not understanding didn’t matter either.

“So, Genie-chan. Do I get some wishes, or what?”

... ... ...

* * *


	2. I got a powerful urge to help you out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> Prompt is taken from Tsume Yuki’s “Ain’t Never Had a Friend Like Me.” But with my own spin. I do have permission from Tsume Yuki for said spin. I also realize this prompt has been responded too before. I’ve read most that I’ve found. They’re great. Go read them too.

_This kid was plucky. I had to give him that._

_I’ve been out of the bottle for a grand total of 15 minutes, give or take a handful of 5 minutes because my concept of time sucks now, and he’s already asking for wishes._

_But, looking around his apartment, and at the tiny kid himself, well… I got a powerful urge to help him out._

_… ... ..._

* * *

Harry stared at the kid, then grinned.

“Or what.” He replied, a tiny grin curling at the corner of his lips.

Naruto’s eyes narrowed, looking as angry as a tiny 10-year-old could, “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“It wasn’t supposed to,” Harry replied immediately, pulling an apple out of nowhere to take a bite out of—just to make him look like more of an asshole.

Once more the genie known as Harry caused Naruto’s entire thought process to restart.

“Hey, how’d you do that!?” he pointed an accusing finger at the man? Now eating an apple. Naruto really needed to figure out if the genie was a boy because just because he said he wasn’t a girl didn’t mean he was a man, or something, right? (Don’t think too hard on it Naruto).

“Magic,” Harry replied, taking yet another bite, and kicking his asshole-ness up another level.

Naruto watched for a moment, slowly lowering his arm. Then words tumbled from his mouth like they tended to do when people didn’t learn how to filter their words.

“Can I have one?”

Pausing before his third asshole-bite, Harry turned to Naruto and stared. ‘Oh. Hello Mirror,’ he thought sarcastically, lowering his apple onto the table between them.

“Sure kid,” Harry said as he pulled another apple from… somewhere… and tossed it to Naruto, who caught it with those wonderful in-training ninja skills of his.

“Thanks, Genie-chan!” said Naruto with all the happiness he could muster, taking a nice big bite and managing to NOT look like an asshole as he did.

The two sat in silence as they both consumed their fruit, Harry brooding, and Naruto happily. Naruto was happy because fruit was delicious and this fruit was exceedingly fresh as if it had just been plucked from a tree. At least, it’s what he imagined an apple that had just been plucked from a tree would taste like. He didn’t know.

Harry was brooding because, for the first time since getting stuck in that damned bottle, he wanted to help the person who had released him. That wasn’t like him. Very much so not like him. He’d always had the choice about who he could help when he was out of the lamp, but he’d never helped anyone before. People were stupid. He hated people. But this kid tugged at his heartstrings in a way he hadn’t had since his godson Teddy.

Sending a glance over towards Naruto, Harry had to sigh, again. ‘Fuck,’ he thought, ‘I’m going to help him, aren’t I?’ It was a rhetorical question, of course, so it was understandable when a loud voice said.

OF COURSE MASTER. IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR BOTH OF YOU.

Tiny Harry just about jumped out of his skin, looking around the room. Naruto, an equally tiny boy, jumped as well.

“WHAT, WHO IS IT?!” Naruto had grabbed the first weapon he could—a scrub brush he had planned to use to clean up the cool bottle—as if it was a kunai.

Naruto though couldn’t see Death. Harry could.

Venomous greens looked over at the personification of Death and glared for all they were worth.

HE HAS MY MARK ON HIM AS WELL MASTER, Death began, I CAN FEEL IT.

‘Well isn’t that interesting?’ thought Harry, glancing from Death to Naruto. Naruto, who still was on edge since his? … The genie was looking at nothing--or was he looking at the plant? It was a pretty cool plant.

HELP HIM, MASTER. Death said before leaving between one moment in time and the next. Harry turned to look at Naruto and just smiled.

“Seems to be your lucky day, blondie.” Harry words were responded to in a most natural way for Naruto: he yelled and threw the scrub brush at the genie.

… ... ... 

* * *

One of the first things Harry knew he had to do if he was going to be staying was to get his own space. Unless Naruto sent Harry back into the bottle--and he sure as fuck wasn’t going to tell the kid how to do that—Harry needed his own room. So he went about doing just that.

Getting up from the floor, cracking a few joints in the process, Harry looked around the room he had been released into. It was small, but satisfactory for one person. One person that was now two.

Harry didn’t bother to ask as he wandered out of the room, checking the door that led to a hallway. Two more doors: one to a kitchen, one to a bathroom that had yet another door and more bathroom in there. Huh, Japanese style bathroom. Cool.

Returning to the hallway outside of the bathroom, Harry faced that wall in contemplation. Naruto had followed Harry around during his introspection and stared at the genie as he stared at his wall.

“Whatcha doing,” Naruto asked, though his voice didn’t lilt into a question.

“Making a room for myself,” Harry replied in much the same tone, with his--to Naruto--strange accent. Before Naruto could ask more, Harry thrust out his arm and touched the wall. With a pop and a poof, a door appeared on the wall in an extremely different style to the rest of the apartment.

“Huh, oops. Meant to make it blend in,” Harry muttered, not removing his hand quite yet since he was still feeding his magic into the spell.

Seeing another piece of magic made Naruto shout, staring at the new door in his apartment. ‘Oh shit, Jiji is gonna be so mad…’ Naruto bemoaned, grabbing at his hair.

“And finished,” said Harry with a smile, removing his hand from the wall and opening the door. It opened into a large room, larger than Naruto’s room, and filled with furniture.

Naruto stared into the room then bolted for his balcony, leaning as far as he could to see the room that should be floating in mid-air from his apartment building, only he saw…. Nothing!? Not even that distortion in the air that Iruka had told him meant there was a genjutsu going on!? What the f---.

“Don’t fall.” Harry appeared behind Naruto, startling the 10-year-old into loosening his grip and almost doing what Harry said not to. A little help from the genie and the blond ninja-wannabe was back into his apartment.

“HOW DID YOU DO THAT?” Naruto demanded, staring at Harry for all but two seconds before running back to the, apparently, new room of his apartment.

“Magic,” retorted Harry with amusement, following behind his lamp holder.

Muttering the word that the genie had said twice now under his breath, Naruto took in the new room. The style was vastly different from the rest of his apartment but cool in its own right.

“Magic is awesome, dattebayo,” Naruto finally concluded, looking at his genie with a beaming smile.

“Yes, it is,” Harry agreed, going over to sit on his magically created couch. “Speaking of, I’ve decided to help you, Blondie.”

Naruto’s mouth dropped over to speak his denial of the name bestowed upon him (again?) but then Naruto’s brain registered what the genie said.

“Help me?” asked Naruto, tilting his head before going over towards one of the chairs near Harry. “Help me…. How?”

Harry made an elegant motion out of shrugging before giving Naruto a smile--border line grin, but whatever.

“You know, help. You said it yourself, I’m a genie--or whatever--so. I’m going to help you.”

“…. But…. How.”

There was a bit of a staring contest between the two… then Harry just shrugged again.

“I haven’t foggiest. What do you want me to do?” Harry eventually answered.

Naruto adopted a thinking pose, tapping his bottom lip with his finger. He had a lot of ideas of things to ask for. Things that ranged from the ridiculous to the obscene, to the stupid. But then that small, tiny, infinitesimal, practical part of Naruto’s brain spoke up. Giving a glance around the room that Harry had just created with Magic, he looked at the genie and said his first wish.

“Can you make my apartment better?”

… ... ...

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the formatting from chapter one... It's odd since the space between paragraphs is different in the rich text thing from how I do it in office (since that's where I usually type it). 
> 
> Which formatting was better? The bigger spaces, or the smaller ones? lol (I wish there was an in-between option because that would be perfect...)


	3. Have some of column A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> Prompt is taken from Tsume Yuki’s “Ain’t Never Had a Friend Like Me.” But with my own spin. I do have permission from Tsume Yuki for said spin. I also realize this prompt has been responded too before. I’ve read most that I’ve found. They’re great. Go read them too

* * *

_It really should have surprised me that this was the kid’s first request… wish… whatever. But I wasn’t._

_If a genie had asked me my first request, knowing I couldn’t just vanish from the Dursleys, I would have wanted to make my situation there better. Make my cupboard a palace. Make my bed more comfortable. Make my clothes better, and make sure I had enough food. Things that should have been provided by the adults in my life, but weren’t._

_If Naruto was asking for this, the adults in his life weren’t providing for him either._

_W_ _ell, I knew what he needed, because I had been there before. Let’s start with column A…_

_…_

* * *

Fixing up Naruto’s apartment was really not that hard at all. A few waves his hands, maybe a few snaps, claps, pushes, whatever he wanted really to direct the magic, and there it was. Much better. During the process, Naruto shouted out a few suggestions—like better shelves and boxes to hold his horde of stuff—and Harry just did them with a bemused smile.

The fridge was Harry’s favorite thing that he changed. Before getting stuck in the bottle, he and Hermione, with help from others, had really improved that aspect of a wizarding kitchen. Muggleborns didn’t trust a cupboard with a cooling charm, so things that LOOKED like a muggle fridge, but functioned 100 times better were created.

The best feature of it: preserving charms, created through the use of runes. Harry knew the importance of food since his lack of it stunted his growth—beyond his being stuck at 17—and he never managed to reach the height of his parents. Hooray malnutrition for making him short! (Can you hear the sarcasm?)

After fixing up the kitchen so it would be like the one in the room Harry had created for himself—super expanded cupboards and all—Harry decided they needed to go get some groceries.

When Harry voiced this decision, Naruto complained vehemently.

“Can’t you just magic up the food like you did with those apples, dattebayo!?” shouted Naruto. This was his biggest argument against going shopping.

“No,” Harry explained slowly, “That wasn’t magically created apples. I kept those apples held in stasis in a pocket dimension that I keep—and I’ve lost him.” There was a glazed look in Naruto’s eyes. A quick snap of Harry’s fingers brought him back.

“So no magic?” Naruto asked.

Shaking his head, Harry agreed. “No magic.”

Naruto opened his mouth to complain once more when Harry held up a finger. “Why,” he began, “Do you not want to go to the store?”

The look of petulance on Naruto’s face didn’t last long before the story came out. The look of Fury, with a capital letter, in Harry’s eyes, continued to build all while his face remained blank. Just another similarity between the pair. 

Naruto was getting worried about the guise of Harry’s eyes, but after his genie blinked a few times, the look was gone.

“Well, kid, we’ll just have to go to the store not as ourselves,” said Harry while holding out his hand. “Do you trust me?”

Naruto was bewildered. “What?”

“Do you trust me?” Harry reiterated giving his hand a little shake.

The hesitation in Naruto’s body language was clear as he slipped his small hand into the genie’s delicate one.

“Yes…” He said slowly, even as he felt a tingle pass over his body. It wasn’t quite like the henge he had been practicing for the academy, but he knew it would be similar. Naruto pulled Harry along to the mirror in his bedroom so he could see the changes.

Sure enough, it was like a henge, but not. The pair of them looked like a weird mix of the two. Harry had adopted more Asian features for himself while giving Naruto darker hair and matching green eyes. The biggest thing was his whisker marks, which were gone. The weird scar Naruto had seen that peaked out from behind the genie’s fringe was gone too. They looked like they could be related—siblings maybe, and entirely nondescript.

“Wow….” The word slipped out in a breath, Naruto’s –now—green eyes were round in awe. Not shock, since he’d seen the henge plenty of time, but this was really good.

“I’m good, aren’t I?” Harry said, self-satisfied, as he turned his body a bit to look at the changes. He’d even managed to change his clothes to be a little plainer than before. Shoes would be a problem, but Harry would deal with that once he saw what Naruto wore (because you don’t wear shoes inside the house, you heathens).

“GENIE-CHAN THIS IS AMAZING, ‘TTEBAYO!!” Naruto shouted, jumping up with fists pumping. The enthusiasm made Harry smile.

“Magic is awesome, remember?” Harry said, shoo-ing off Naruto to get his wallet.

…

* * *

MEANWHILE.

A passing patrol had happened to look into Naruto’s apartment on their way by and noticed two strange looking people inside the jinchuuriki’s apartment. Rather than confronting the two civilian-looking people themselves, the patrol immediately sent one of their numbers off to report to the Hokage, while they paused to observe.

Sarutobi was disturbed by this news and quickly called up a few of his ninjas to watch the pair, who had exited Naruto’s apartment and gone… shopping? With Naruto’s wallet?

The watchers performed ‘kai’ to see if it was a henge, or genjutsu, however, what could be, maybe, a disguise, did not waver. Because it was made of out magic and not chakra. Not that they knew that, of course.

…………

* * *

Grocery shopping went quickly and before their new watchers could realize it, they were back at Naruto’s apartment. During the excursion, the watchers came to realize that the little dark-haired boy was somehow actually Naruto—his personality couldn’t really be duplicated, and if watched for it could be identified. The question that they—and the Hokage had once he was informed—was how they were disguised.

Not that Naruto cared at all about what they thought or were doing. He was too busy putting away his food—his good, not spoiled, not from the dumpster, food—into his cupboards.

“Hey, Genie-chan?” started Naruto, putting some canned goods onto a shelf. “Didn’t you need to get food? This is only enough for me.”

Harry quirked a smile, happy that Naruto had realized that. Kid was smart.

“I have my own food, kid,” said Harry, producing yet another super fresh apple before banishing it back to the pocket dimension he had mentioned earlier where he kept food. Food that he usually only used when out of the bottle. Inside the lamp he never got hungry.

“Why couldn’t I have had THAT food then?” Naruto questioned, putting some new flavors of ramen onto his shelf, next to the box that was filled with rice.

“Because,” Harry began slowly, “This is _my_ food. You needed _your_ food.” It made sense, at least to Harry.

There was a long pause as Naruto was putting some milk into the fridge, the motion becoming extremely slowed down as he thought.

Then: “That makes sense,” Naruto said with a nod and a 100-watt smile, finishing with the last of his groceries and handing the bags that Harry had conjured back to the genie.

……………

* * *

While the two managed to live in peace for the next few hours, the third Hokage was watching them with his special crystal ball. After a few hours, he dismissed most of the watchers, leaving a rotating squad of 3 people, one at a time, to remain. After a shift, they would report and Sarutobi would contemplate.

The man who had appeared to move into his favorite blond’s apartment hadn’t done anything except disguise Naruto and bring him grocery shopping. The two had literally done nothing since then, just some more talking and lounging around the place (because relaxing is necessary for a stress-free life, Sarutobi. You should try it sometime).

The Third Hokage didn’t know what to do. His instinct screamed to send in an ANBU squad to kidnap the man and interrogate him fully. However, at the same time, the part of him that really cared for Naruto was happy to see someone other than him and the ramen stall owner showing Naruto kindness. Even if they had no idea where the man had come from.

“Fuck,” Sarutobi muttered under his breath with that second thought. “There’s gotta be a better way.” How do you balance these two sides, these two desires, to be a good Hokage that doesn’t put his citizens in danger, and yet a good person who helps out the boy he views as a grandson? Sarutobi didn’t know.

* * *


	4. You got a genie for your chargé d'affaires.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> Prompt is taken from Tsume Yuki’s “Ain’t Never Had a Friend Like Me.” But with my own spin. I do have permission from Tsume Yuki for said spin. I also realize this prompt has been responded too before. I’ve read most that I’ve found. They’re great. Go read them too.

* * *

_How the fuck did the kid talk me into this?_

_…_

* * *

“I’m not even 10 years old,” Harry grumbled as the once again disguised man made his way with Naruto towards the academy.

“How old are you, anyway?” The way that Naruto’s voice was so chipper while he asked that showed exactly how he felt about what he’d managed to convince the genie to do that morning.

The question, however, caused Harry to pause, eyes looking up toward the sky as he muttered under his breath, using his fingers to help his counting.

“45… 70… carry the two…” then the, now, small(er) man shrugged his thin shoulders. “17.”

Naruto’s jaw dropped. Okay, yeah, the genie LOOKED 17, but he didn’t ACT 17. Also, definitely he. Naruto had asked, several times, just to be sure.

“No way, ‘ttebayo!” shouted Naruto at his default volume of LOUD.

“You’re right, I’m lying,” Harry capitulated immediately with a little grin, “I’m apparently 10 now.” Then he began walking again towards the academy.

Since he was being left behind, Naruto ran to catch back up with his new… friend? Genie? Was the genie his friend? Maybe, but they’d only known each other for two days.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it Genie-chan!”

Harry snorted, looking over his shoulder with a smirk. Ever present glasses that haven’t been mentioned before, but have totally been on his face, were pushed up as Harry shrugged.

“I’m 17,” Harry reiterated, “I’m 17 this year. I was 17 last year. I’ll be 17 next year too.” Slowly, his voice took on a melancholic tone, “I’ll always be 17… forever.” The last word was barely a whisper, but the wind carried it to Naruto’s ears (but not their latest watcher).

Naruto, feeling sad, stood and watched his genie continue walking to school. Maybe it was because he was a genie that Harry didn’t age? Maybe… Magic was awesome, but maybe being a genie wasn’t awesome.

This was too deep for a 10-year-old to be contemplating this early in the morning. Naruto shook his head vigorously and then ran to catch up to his genie. With all the subtly of a brick through a glass window, he changed the subject.

…

* * *

When they arrived at the academy, Harry weaved a bit of magic to make Iruka think that he was supposed to be there. It’s what Naruto wanted after all. For Harry to spend the day with Naruto at ninja academy.

The compulsion spell kind of spread to the class, but then again they were only children and if the teacher said, “Hey guess what new student” most would just roll with it because children tend to do what teachers say.

The day they had together was fun, for Naruto. Harry was bored and spent most of his time looking like an Uchiha and acting like a Nara.

Lunch time was the best for Naruto since Harry had helped him make a real bento, instead of the (almost literal) trash he’d had before.

During Harry’s lazy observing of the class, he noted that Naruto needed some new school supplies. The items he had weren’t of the same quality as the other students. Harry also made sure to remember the asshole who tried to kick Naruto out of class, before Harry changed the man’s mind with a flick of the finger. This was clearly something that Naruto wanted, and Harry was going to help his lamp holder get it.

…

* * *

When the watchers first reported that the next morning the man was now suddenly 10—and watching that henge, if it was one, was bizarre at best—and heading towards the academy with Naruto, the Hokage wasn’t sure what to do.

However, he soon realized that this presented him with a wonderful opportunity to accost—he means to approach, yes, that’s right approach Naruto and his new… friend… after they got out of the academy for the day.

How the man had made it so that Iruka, who they knew had some skill had genjutsu, would just accept him into the class was something that had Sarutobi and Ibiki, who had been briefed on the situation, worried.

This ‘Jiini-chan’, as Naruto had been referring to the man as, was definitely powerful… and he’d insulated himself with the jinchuuriki. That was worrying.

……

* * *

Naruto was surprised to see the Hokage outside of the academy after school.

Several parents had been surprised as well and they were greeting their leader with bows and words of respect. Naruto didn’t function like that. Probably because he hadn’t really been taught manners properly.

“JI-CHAN!!!” He shouted before running towards one of his favorite people. Naruto stopped short of tackling the Hokage, a bit of dust kicked up as he skid, but the grin on his face could rival a sun. Harry had followed his lamp holder utterly bemused, a smile on his face as he carried BOTH of their bags. Naruto had dropped his bag in his haste.

“Naruto-kun,” said the Hokage, though his eyes were looking just over the top of that blond head at the dark-haired child who’d followed his favorite blond. “You’ve made a friend?” No sense in beating around the brush.

“Eh?” Naruto replied, looking at the Hokage as if he had two heads. He’d look funny with two heads.

“Why don’t you introduce me?” Sarutobi gestured to Harry, but Harry beat Naruto to it.

“I’m Harry. Just Harry. You seem important.” Those green eyes—they were much too old to be on such a youthful face. “You want to talk to me, don’t you?” Harry hadn’t taken his eyes off of Sarutobi the whole time he’d been talking, and now pushed Naruto’s bag over to him.

“Well, let’s get this over with,” Harry stated with finality, taking a step towards the Hokage. “Are you gonna slap me in irons, or do I get to go peacefully?”

“HEY!” Naruto shouted, slipping his backpack on automatically, “Now wait just a minute, dattebayo!”

Harry peered at Naruto quickly, then back to the Hokage.

“He needs to come with,” he started, actually holding up a hand to make Sarutobi stop talking, “I’ll explain there. Even trees have ears and eyes.” Harry stated the last sentence with a small quirk of the brows. Had he known the watchers were there? Probably.

Sarutobi didn’t say anything, just nodded his acquiesce. Then he turned promptly on his heel and led the way to the Hokage Tower, both men ignoring Naruto’s demands for an explanation.

……

* * *

‘This person is quite smart,’ Sarutobi thought as he led the two young? boys into his office. ‘Insisting that Naruto be here means that I have to treat him with some level of civility.’ There was a grudging respect building for Harry if that really was his name. Sarutobi hadn’t seen any tells of a lie, but one could never be too sure.

Privacy seals were activated by the Hokage once the two boys were seated—except Harry no longer kept his child disguise on. As he sat, it melted away like a mirage would in the distance.

The Hokage, plus all the hidden ANBU in the room, twitched towards a weapon as Harry did that. However, the look of bemusement that had been on Harry’s face since the academy was still firmly in place. He knew; the bastard. Harry knew that Sarutboi wouldn’t threaten Harry with physical violence while Naruto was in the room.

Naruto had sprawled out on a chair like he usually did when he came to visit his Jiji, angry that he’d been ignored by his favorite person and someone who could possibly become another favorite.

“Are you two gonna tell me NOW what’s going on?” Naruto sounded so exasperated, it was a wonder it hadn’t hurt himself because of it.

“Of course, kid,” Harry said with a smile. “Your leader wants to know who I am, what designs I have towards you, where I came from, what my power is, etcetera and etcetera.” The smile morphed into a smirk, “Am I wrong, Lord Hokage?”

Sarutobi was not smiling. He was impressed, however.

“You’re not wrong. Will you tell me these things?” The threat in his voice was lost on Naruto, but not to anyone else in the room.

“Of course,” Harry kept a bright grin on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “I didn’t lie earlier. My name is indeed Harry. I have absolutely no designs towards blondie, except to help him. My power is magic, and where I came from is a long, slightly complicated story.”

“Magic is awesome, dattebayo,” Naruto stated, hoping to help. “And Genie-chan is a GENIE, Ji-chan. He came from a bottle.” The last sentence was said in a deadpan tone. Sarutobi should have worked that one out for himself. Genies were in bottles, DUH.

Sarutobi had snorted in disbelief when Harry stated his power was ‘magic’, and Harry huffed a laugh at Naruto’s last sentence.

“I wasn’t always in that bottle, blondie,” said Harry with real amusement now. “But you’re right, smarty-pants, I came from a bottle.” Here, Harry waved his hand and summoned his bottle to his hand with a flick on the wrist. “This bottle.” He tossed it to Naruto and looked at the Hokage. “Naruto is my lamp holder.” Literally.

Naruto shouted as he caught the bottle, not wanting to break his shiny. His legs curled up underneath him so he could cushion it in his lap.

Silence reigned for a while. Naruto picked at the bottle with his nail, since he hadn’t had a chance to scrub it as he would have liked, and Harry tried not to twitch because every time Naruto rubbed it, it felt like he was being summoned. Thankfully, Harry had experience ignoring that specific feeling.

“Lamp holder,” Sarutobi settled on this phrase from everything he’d just heard, “What does that entail?”

Respect continued to grow between the two because Harry definitely felt like this was the right question to ask. Good job, Hokage.

“It has a literal meaning,” Harry began, motioning to Naruto with his eyes on Sarutobi, “He is holding my lamp.” Obviously, “But the metaphorical one is that…” Harry was reluctant to express this, but … He wanted to help Naruto, and if he wanted to do that he needed permission, apparently.

“He has a level of control over me. Like a bond. He can’t tell me what to do, or how to use my magic, however, he can request it. I have the ability to agree or disagree with it…

“I would never do anything to harm another human being,” Harry felt this was necessary to express, “I have seen many things in my lifetime, Lord Hokage, and pain… suffering,” his voice broke a little with this single word. Harry took a breath and continued, “I don’t want to see or cause any of that ever again.”

The faintest of smiles tugged at the corner of Sarutobi’s mouth. This … genie… had the Will of Fire. It worried him that the genie claimed to have caused pain and suffering, but hopefully, that would be something they could discuss further at a later time.

“All right,” The Hokage nodded, lowering his folded hands to the desk, “I have more questions for you Harry, but you will not come to harm. I’m sure Naruto-kun has homework that he needs to do.

The mere word homework caused Naruto to groan, rolling out of the chair and landing in a crouch.

“You’re kicking me out,” He muttered, slipping the lamp into his backpack and pulling it out. His pout was aimed at both Harry and the Hokage. Both men chuckled in an eerily similar tone. Placating and amused by someone so much younger than them.

“We are, kid,” Harry said with a smile, “I’m sure the Hokage has many more questions and it’s going to take a lot more time.” He reached his hand out to Naruto, who reached out and touch it hesitantly just like the night before. “Here. A disguise. Go buy some new school supplies. I’ll fix what I can once I get back.” Because he would be back was left unsaid, but Sarutobi nodded anyway.

“Woohoo!” Naruto shouted with joy. Shopping in this disguise of Harry’s was great! People didn’t treat him terribly! “BYE JI-CHAN, GENIE-CHAN!” And Naruto bolted out the door.

Harry followed the kid with his eyes before turning back to the Hokage and adopting a serious face. It was time to get down to business. Naruto’s got a genie for his chargé d'affaires, and Harry wasn’t about to let him down.

……

* * *

**By the way: chargé d'affaires is basically like an ambassador.**


	5. You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> Prompt is taken from Tsume Yuki’s “Ain’t Never Had a Friend Like Me.” But with my own spin. I do have permission from Tsume Yuki for said spin. I also realize this prompt has been responded too before. I’ve read most that I’ve found. They’re great. Go read them too.

* * *

_I have to respect the Hokage. He’s just looking out for his village._

_But I think he’s a sadistic fuck too._

_..._

* * *

It wasn’t until late in the evening that Harry returned to Naruto’s apartment. When Harry did finally arrive, he scared Naruto, since the genie had decided to apparate into the apartment. Whether he did this on purpose or not is up for debate.

Once Naruto had calmed down, and Harry cleaned up the mess Naruto’s shout had caused (he threw that ramen hard and far), he asked his genie what had taken him so long.

The scowl that came to Harry’s face was impressive. The single word he said would explain it all. And for some people, some adults, they totally understood.

“Paperwork.”

But Naruto didn’t understand, because he wasn’t an adult, and hadn’t been introduced to this wonderful bane of many people’s existences.

“Paperwork?” Naruto questioned, his head tilted as he got some rice from his cooker.

“Paperwork,” Harry confirmed, nodding his head and taking a seat at the table with Naruto. “I also had to meet with many of the… wonderful people of your village.” Was that sarcasm? Naruto couldn’t tell. “But, I’m all official now. I’ve got papers and everything.” A twist of the wrist produced said papers. It looked like a passport and a small card.

Naruto snatched them from Harry’s hand and looked them over.

“You’re a citizen of Konoha!?” He asked before looking, but Harry was already shaking his head.

“Nah,” he began, “I’m basically an alien.” Naruto looked at him weirdly with that word choice. “A visitor? I have permission to live here, but I’m not a citizen.” Harry explained further, “They reserve the right to kick me out—not that they can. Lord Hokage realizes that,” Harry shrugged here, giving a rub to a new scar on his chest, “But they still have the right, legally, to do that.”

It appeared that Naruto understood most of that—Harry did think the kid was smart—which was good. He held out his hand to get his items back, which Naruto handed over.

“I have to go to … classes,” Harry said the word with disdain, tucking away his papers. Today at the academy was one thing, but naturalization classes were not exactly something he wanted to do, “And have regular interviews with a Yamanaka and T&I personnel.”

“Why do you have to do that?” asked Naruto, eating his ramen soup soaked rice.

“Because,” stated Harry, “That’s the process.” Even being a military village, Sarutobi couldn’t just grant citizenship willy-nilly. (Well, technically he could because he was, technically, a dictator, but he didn’t WANT to. The military part was why.)

“Take the classes, do the interviews, and after a year or so, if I have proven myself to be an upstanding citizen that will benefit the village, I can have citizenship.” Here Harry shrugged. He didn’t care either way, but he wanted to help Naruto and to do that he had to go through this process.

“Oh. I opened a bank account too. That’s always fun,” Notice the derision in his voice? He hadn’t had his funds in a bank since the first time he had been let out of his bottle. That had been entertaining. Not.

“Enough about me,” Harry said, “I want to know how your shopping trip went.” He knew it had went because the disguise would only have worn off once Naruto got home with some new things.

Naruto’s eyes light up happily. “It was great!! I got two brand new books and brushes.”

“Let me see,” replied Harry with a smile. An almost… paternal… smile.

There was confusion on Naruto’s face first, before it was replaced by a weird happiness. He ran out to grab his backpack feeling a warmth blossom in his chest as he showed off his new items to his genie.

…

* * *

Surprisingly, the classes that Harry had to go to were quite interesting. He learned about the history of the village and stuff.

The day his naturalization classes talked about the fourth Hokage, Harry requested an appointment to speak with the Hokage. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Naruto had to be the Fourth’s son, especially taking all information into effect. Not to mention Death’s mark on Naruto. Harry was sworn to secrecy but said Naruto needed to be informed about his parentage once he became a genin. Sarutobi agreed, reluctantly.

This was also the day that Harry really learned about sealing, which was probably a mistake. He’d taken to the obscure art like a duck to water and decided to teach it to Naruto as well. Naruto, too, loved it. It made pranking more fun.

Pranking was something that Harry, as the ‘weird, unseen guardian of the Demon Boy’, encouraged. Not harmful pranking, never that, and never anything that couldn’t be cleaned up in a few days by rain or water (unless the assholes really deserved it). However, pranking in general always made the pair happier, so why not do it?

It had been several months, but Sarutobi was beginning to think that maybe this…. This was a bad idea.

...

* * *

Despite Harry’s influence in Naruto’s life, the blond wannabe ninja still failed his first graduation test. For all that Harry could help him study and train—or at least watch his training and give vague hints—he couldn’t change the opinions of the proctors of the tests. Today would be his second attempt at graduating, and Harry didn’t expect much.

He was waiting outside of the academy, invisible, because fuck people, with at least 5 plans to help cheer up the kid he’d been basically raising for the last year or so. This was also the longest Harry had been out of his bottle, and he wasn’t about to change it for anything. The bottle was boring. So Harry would do everything in his power to help Naruto.

Anyway, as expected, Naruto came out of the academy with his shoulders slumped and the goggles that one silver-haired Ninja had left in the apartment last year on Naruto’s birthday on his head. As expected. Naruto hadn’t passed. Again.

Harry sighed softly, the sound lost in the wind, and started phase one. Pointing his finger, he flicked a color-changing charm at the boy. Naruto, who was well accustomed to the feel of Harry’s magic jerked his head up and looked around for his genie.

“Genie-nii-chan!” Regardless of all the time that had passed, this was the name that had stuck. At least it made Harry smile now. “Where are you, Nii-chan!?”

Maintaining his invisibility, Harry used a spell to throw his voice behind Naruto.

“Try to find me, blondie,” the magically induced voice said. Naruto grinned knowing that this meant one of his favorite games and went off after the voice.

Harry momentarily stayed where he was, casting an illusion for Naruto to chase, before walking off to where they would eventually meet up.

...

* * *

Harry was lounging in a tree once Naruto found him, munching on some yakitori.

“Genie-nii-chan!” Naruto jumped at the base of the tree, then focused and used the substitution jutsu to get up there. The show of skill made Harry smile once more, holding out a bag that had a mixture of street food on a stick in it to Naruto. Naruto promptly started to eat, happy for the treat.

“Hey kid,” Harry said, banishing his empty stick away once he was finished, “I have an idea.” They were already on phase 4 of plan ‘Cheer up Naruto’ from plan Charlie. Alfa and Bravo were a bust. Charlie was usually the best bet.

Naruto made a noise to encourage Harry to keep speaking, chewing on some meat.

“I was thinking it’s been a while since I helped with a prank. We should change that,” his voice was coying, not that it needed to be. The second Harry said ‘prank’ Naruto was in. In fact, he almost choked on some dango in his excitement.

Naruto loved it when Harry helped with pranks. The way Harry explained it as ‘having power in his corner now’ just made Naruto laugh. Though it was true. Harry-powered pranks were always so much better.

“YES YES, A PRANK YES DATTEBAYO!” After the excitement, Naruto immediately quieted down to a whisper, “What are we gonna do Genie-nii-chan, ‘ttebayo?”

A grin slowly crawled over Naruto’s face, which was matched on Harry’s, as his genie detailed the prank to him.

...

* * *

Harry and Naruto spent all night preparing their prank. It was a two-part prank, directed on first: the teachers at the academy, and second: the village as a whole.

They made tags that would do a few things. First were the pressure release tags they lined the floor of the academy with. Specifically, the hallway leading towards the teacher’s lounge. When the tags were stepped on, they would release a puff of colored powder mixed with glitter.

The second set of tags were time delayed. These would go off at the time they managed to work into the seal—Harry did this since he further ahead in their sealing study—and pop the balloons they were stuck too. All over the village, they placed these balloons that were also filled with colored powder and glitter. Most were, obviously, in heavily populated areas so that they got the most people.

It was a harmless prank, really. It may inconvenience some people and may ruin a shirt or two, but overall if washed out promptly, it wouldn’t last. This placated Harry (and the Hokage) in regards to Naruto’s pranks, and for Naruto, it would cause Chaos. He was happy and hadn’t had time to think about his failed exam yet.

...

* * *

When morning came, it was as glorious as the two had hoped. They stood on Naruto’s balcony and watched as all of the balloons, floating so innocently above the ground, popped and dropped their payload. Most of the colors were orange and red with gold glitter (Go Gryffindor), but they used other colors as well.

The first victim was a merchant who sold fruit. And then a few ninjas couldn’t dodge as they managed to jump directly into the path of one of the popping balloons. Soon the village was covered in a rainbow-colored powder.

Naruto had fallen over laughing. Harry was smiling.

“You should go to school, kid,” Harry nudged the boy with a slipper covered foot. “See how the teacher’s look.”

“YES!” Naruto shouted, running into the house and grabbing his backpack and taking off, forgetting he didn’t actually have any lessons that day. “BYE GENIE-NII-CHAN!” He waved before heading out.

Harry waved back, then summoned a piece of paper and wrote a note to the Hokage, giving him a warning. He folded it into an airplane and sent it on its way to the leader of this village he’d found himself in. Any trouble they were in was worth it if it meant Naruto continued to smile.

...

* * *

**AN: Thinking up pranks is hard.**


	6. Well, all you gotta do is rub like so—and oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 - “Well, all you gotta do is rub like so—and oh.” 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> ... ... ...

_Human interaction isn’t something I really get excited about. Considering for the last however many years the only interactions I had had were with my idiot lamp holders, it’s not that surprising._

_My current situation was different. It forced me into… social situations…_

_Some people I met weren’t so bad, and I may actually like them. I wouldn’t seek them out for company—food maybe, but not company, I had Naruto and Death for that, but … Didn’t mean they wouldn’t seek me out._

... ... ...

Food had become a guilty pleasure for Harry. Especially now that he hadn’t been back into his bottle since Naruto had first released him. Inside the bottle, it was like Harry himself was held in stasis. He felt, he lived, time passed, but he never got hungry or tired. It was one of the myriads of reasons that he hated his lamp. 

So, being out of the lamp and being able to eat food was amazing. Especially here in Konoha. The food was quite exquisite. His journeys to try the food at pretty much every restaurant and eatery establishment in the village was some of the only human contact that Harry got in a day. His willingness to spend money also helped to show that he was a ‘functioning member of society’. Good for his citizenship classes. 

It was while he was on these adventures that Harry met some interesting people. 

... ... ...

“Hello, Harry-san. Do you mind if I join you?” 

Harry, who had been lost in his own world of FLAVOR jerked his head up and stared wide-eyed at the man above him. Recognition took a few seconds but Harry smiled and waved the other man down. 

“Hello, Inoichi,” the lack of honorifics that Harry tended to use barely made the aforementioned ninja twitch, “Interesting seeing you here.” And it was too. Harry was at a restaurant that served fugu and was currently demolishing an entire plate by himself. 

Inoichi laughed, waving off a server, keeping his focus on Harry. 

“I could say the same thing about you,” His unique blue eyes looked down at the rather large plate of possibly poisonous fish that Harry was eating, “I didn’t peg you as eating something like this.” 

“I will try anything once, even if it kills me,” The sardonic smile that passed over Harry’s lips with his last statement was not lost on Inoichi. With his position, he knew that little… quirk… of Konoha’s newest resident. 

“Anything, huh?” Inoichi laughed a bit, “What about…?” and he started to list a few bizarre and strange food that even the most harden shinobi would steer clear of. Harry just nodded along. A few he hadn’t tried, and he made mental notes to try them later. 

“You’re a brave man,” stated Inoichi, watching as Harry took another bite of fugu. 

“Or stupid. I’ve heard they’re synonymous,” Harry grinned around his latest bite before turning suddenly pale, then green. Inoichi’s eyes went wide, looking at the plate and then back to Harry. 

“Harry-san?” He questioned, watching as Harry held a hand to his throat. He held up a finger, stood, took two steps towards the bathroom and collapsed. 

Several people jumped at that, Inoichi being the quickest. He turned Harry onto his side and checked his pulse. Inoichi’s own stuttered when he felt nothing. 

The fact that this man wasn’t supposed to die didn’t change the fact that he was, now, apparently dead. Sarutobi and Ibiki had detailed the phenomenon well in their reports when an overzealous guard had decided to stab the man during his initial contact interview with the Hokage. 

“Stay back,” Inoichi warned, “He’ll be fine.” Some people doubted that. The man’s lips were blue. But then a death rattle and deep gasp came, and Harry sat up, a hand on his chest. 

GOOD JOB MASTER, keeled Death, almost laughing. 

“I’m okay,” Harry said at the same time, adjusting his glasses before taking them off. He’d snapped the arm off of them when he fell. “Aww, my glasses…” Inochi sweatdropped. This man had just died, and he was worried about his glasses? Plus that pout looked way too cute on the tiny man. 

“Harry-san,” began the Clan Head, “Are you sure you’re fine?” 

Harry’s eyes flicked over to Death who nodded and then vanished, before giving Inoichi a disarming smile. It was much like Naruto’s, but instead of like the sun, it was like a beautiful rose. A flush came to the Yamanaka’s cheeks—this man was way too pretty. 

“I’m perfectly all right. I did say I’d try anything once, even if it killed me,” Harry got to his feet and sat down at his table, “And then I’ll try it twice.” And he continued to eat his fugu. 

... ... ...

Harry actually really liked Ibiki for some reason. The man was completely no-nonsense, which Harry could respect. Plus Ibiki reminded Harry of a younger him. Much younger. Harry hadn’t been that paranoid since he was in his 30s. Too much time in the lamp squashed that. 

Anyway, Harry was off on another food adventure when he spotted Ibiki inside of a restaurant and Harry being Harry and not giving two fucks about other people’s opinions on the matter decided to invite himself to Ibiki’s meal. 

“Hello Ibiki,” Harry stated as he sat down, smiling benignly at the man who twitched at his lack of suffix. At least that’s why Harry assumed Ibiki twitched, that’s why most people twitched around him (or so he thought). 

In actuality, it was because Ibiki had… issues with Harry. Many of the shinobi in the village had the same issue with Harry. 

Harry was delicate. Small. Petite. Harry looked like he needed to be protected. Harry also looked like a girl. Many shinobi, kunoichi, and civilian alike, had the urge to protect Harry. This made Harry attractive to them. 

Harry, though, didn’t need to be protected. Some of the village knew this—Ibiki knew this intimately. He’d been there when that guard had killed Harry. He’d seen Harry come back to life. He’d seen Harry retaliate. Harry did not need to be protected. 

This was even more attractive. 

Ibiki, however, was not attracted to men. He just wasn’t wired that way. But, as mentioned before, Harry looks like a girl. It messes with that wiring. 

That’s why Ibiki twitched. 

“Hello Harry-san,” Ibiki said neutrally, despite a minor (minor?) inner turmoil. “How are you doing?” 

“Good. Haven’t died in a few days, so that’s always good.” Harry smirked, trying to get a rise out of Ibiki. He failed this time, but it was always fun to try. 

“That’s good.” Yet another neutral reply. 

“So what are we eating?” Harry asked, picking up a pair of chopsticks from the cup on the table and taking from Ibiki’s plate. 

There was an excessively long pause from Ibiki, who tracked what Harry was doing with just his eyes, then closing them and counting backward from 10. 

Score one for Harry. 

“Stir fry,” Ibiki said with his tone neutral once again, eating some of his favorite mushrooms from his plate. 

“It’s delicious,” marked Harry, stealing some of the mushrooms he’d just seen Ibiki eat. 

There was another long pause, Ibiki’s eyes once more following Harry’s actions. 

“Is there a reason you’re here, Harry-san?” questioned Ibiki, taking some steak this time—that Harry then took as well. 

“Just wanted something to eat,” Harry said around the chopsticks in his mouth, smiling innocently up at the man who had over 35 centimeters on him (or just over a foot for you American readers). “Plus, you seemed lonely.” 

Ibiki twitched. Harry’s innocent smile morphed into a smirk. 

Score two for Harry. 

“You were mistaken,” Ibiki corrected Harry’s assumption, gently tugging his plate away from the genie. “You can also order your own food.” 

“But it’s much more fun to share food, Ibiki,” quipped Harry, balancing his chin on one hand while he ate with the other. He blinked innocently at the man, eyes large and round behind his glasses. 

Ibiki twitched once more. 

Harry was on a roll. 

“I see,” was all that Ibiki could mutter to that, continuing with his meal. There were few options for him, as this was not the first time this had happened. 

They continued to share the plate of food before finally, Ibiki felt obligated to mention something. 

“I’m not interested.” 

Harry looked up to the much larger man and grinned genuinely. 

“I know. I’m not either.” His words were painted with Harry’s strange accent, as well as his amusement, “But it’s definitely good fun. And delicious.” 

Ibiki turned fully to look at the small man then, taking in his complete demeanor. Then he huffed out a laugh, just a breath of air through his nose, and they continued to eat in companionable silence. 

... ... ...

“Should I… Or shouldn’t I?” muttered Harry to himself, classic thinking pose adopted as he stared at the offered menu of this restaurant. He’d never tried it before and he’d told himself to try just about anything he could… But was this pushing it?

“GENIE-CHAN!” The tone, and voice, not so much the words, caused Harry to tense and quickly dodge out of the path of a human bullet also known as Anko. Considering Harry is not a ninja, he definitely had to use some magic—and the menu sign. Mostly the menu sign, which he was hiding behind. 

“I told you not to call me that,” Harry reiterated once more for the woman who couldn’t take a hint. 

“I know.” The ‘I don’t care’ was left unsaid. She then reached out and grabbed Harry, hauling him up over the menu sign and pushing him into her chest. 

Harry pushed back with all of his might. His plea of ‘Let me go!’ muffled by the ample bosom. 

“You’re so cute and tiny, Genie-chan~” Anko said then, releasing him enough so he could breathe. He then also wriggled and got out, hiding once more behind the menu sign. 

“Yes, thank you, Anko, please don’t call me that.” Harry carried the sign with him so that it stayed in front of him while the wall of the restaurant was behind him. “My name is Harry.” 

Anko waved that comment off like she always did. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.” Harry sighed. She never cared. “What are you doing here?” 

“I’m trying to decide if I should eat here or not.” That should have been obvious and Harry’s tone stated as much. 

Anko took a look at the menu, the chalk of which was slightly erased from her actions earlier… Then she started to cackle. 

“Shirako? Definitely Genie-chan,” Anko said, once more man-handling Harry and dragging him inside the restaurant. 

Harry merely sighed. This was pretty typical of interactions he’d had with Anko since meeting her. 

Once inside, Anko decided to order for Harry, who propped his head up on a fist, just staring at the woman. 

“I can order for myself, you know,” He muttered to her, not even having the energy to glare. 

“But this is a date Genie-chan, and as the Chapstick, I need to order for my Lipstick.” The leer in Anko’s eyes sent an unpleasant chill down Harry’s spine. 

“Anko, for the last time,” Harry began, slamming his fist down onto the table, albeit without much force, “I’m not a woman.” 

Anko just shook her head with a sigh. 

“Genie-chan, Genie-chan, Genie-chan…” As if Harry was the one mistaken here, “Until you let me rub like so,” lewd gestures inserted here, “I’m not going to believe you.” 

Harry dropped his forehead onto the table with a groan. Most who knew who Harry was exactly didn’t prescribe quite so literally to his being a genie as Anko seemed to. Normally, Harry wouldn’t give a fuck. However, Anko refused to believe that Harry was a man until he… proved it. 

Anko was still cackling when their order of fish sperm came to the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ...
> 
> AN: Shirako is fish sperm. Look it up. Characterization is hard.


	7. Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 - “Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service.” 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> ... ... ...

_Naruto has been learning some things about my lamp, as well as the bond and… unfortunately… the power he has over me._

_Most of these has he learned by accident. Accidents he repeats. A lot._

_Until I showed him why not to._

… … …

The first time that Naruto learned he could make Harry appear to his side by shouting his name, both were shocked, albeit for different reasons. 

Naruto had no idea he could do that, and Harry was worried that something bad was happening to Naruto. 

Harry appeared with a loud crack, something he hadn’t done in decades, with his actual wand out so he could hold it threateningly at the…. Small child in front of him. 

“The fuck?” Harry muttered, turning to look at the wide-eyed blond behind him. “Blondie, I thought you were being murdered or something.” He gestured with his wand, before twisting his wrist and making the stick disappear. 

“HOLY SHIT I DIDN’T KNOW I COULD DO THAT, ‘TTEBAYO!” Naruto shouted, completely ignoring what Harry had said and whatever had caused him to shout for ‘Genie-nii-chan’ in that tone that basically summoned the man there. 

Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes, placing his hands on his hips, which did not make the tiny man look at all manly. Not with how it cinched in his baggy tunic-shirt-thing he’d adopted wearing, therefore, showing off how narrow his waist was. 

“Yes, yes, of course, you can summon me. I pride myself of service” His arms were folded over his chest now, looking down at Naruto—except not really since they weren’t that far off in height. “It’s part and parcel to being my lamp holder. The whole genie gig, you know? You call and I appear.” To prove this point, Harry appeared once again, this time quietly and in a puff of green smoke. “Poof, what do you need?” The sarcasm was just dripping for his words, eyes rolled so hard it physically hurt. 

“That’s so awesome, dattebayo,” Naruto said, eyes still wide as he stared at Harry. Harry stared back, waiting for his sarcastic, though legitimate, question to be answered. 

They both waited for some time. 

… … … 

The second time Naruto managed to summon Harry was, once again, an accident, because of course, it was an accident. This is Naruto. 

When Harry appeared, crack just as loud, but with the smoke for effect, he had his arms folded over his thin chest and was glaring at both Naruto and whoever he was yelling at. 

“—is not a weirdo, dattebayo!” Is all that Harry heard, shifting his glare from mostly at his lamp holder to the equally blond person who Naruto was yelling at. 

So engrossed in his yelling, Naruto didn’t notice Harry’s appearance behind him, but the other person did. 

“Why hello Ino,” began Harry, his voice a low rumble—lower rumble, since the petit man had a surprisingly deep voice—startling Naruto, “Have you been disparaging me again?” 

The Yamanaka across from them was wide-eyed. The way that Harry had appeared was NOT a normal Ninja technique, she’d seen the shunshin plenty of times to know what it looked like. It didn’t involve GREEN smoke or glitter of all things. 

It took a moment for Harry’s words to register with her, “Dis… what?” 

“Disparaging,” reiterated Harry. He waited, but she still looked at him blankly. Harry let loose a sigh to show exactly how difficult Ino was making his life, “You said some bad things about me again?” 

She blinked a few times, then shook her head. 

“NO!” At the same time, Naruto yelled, “YES!” But he added on, “She said you were a weirdo!” 

“He IS a weirdo,” and “I AM a weirdo.” Were, again, said at the same time. 

Naruto’s head shifted back and forth between the two. 

“You… You are?” Naruto asked Harry uncertainly. 

“Of course I am,” Harry stated with aplomb, “There isn’t anything wrong with being weird. I find life much more exciting being a weirdo.” He leaned in close to stage whisper to Naruto, “Can you imagine how boring it is for everyone else who isn’t like me?” The last word was stressed, reminding Naruto that Harry was, in fact, magic, and therefore, awesome. 

Realization dawned in Naruto’s eyes followed by a low, ‘Ooohhh…’ as he understood. Then he turned to Ino, suddenly smug. 

Ino, unsure why Naruto looked so smug, took a hesitant step back. 

“Genie-nii-chan is awesome AND a weirdo. And I’m a weirdo too. And that’s FINE.” Naruto ended his statement with a firm nod, then turned to Harry with a big smile. 

“Good job, Blondie,” Harry said, ruffling that blond hair. “Race you home.” And then he vanished in a crack. 

“NO FAIR!!!” Naruto yelled before taking off at top speeds. 

Ino was left there blinking. 

… … … 

The third time that Naruto summoned Harry was not by accident, however, he wished he hadn’t done it. 

Naruto’s day hadn’t been the best. The proverbially ‘wrong side of the bed’ story, where he fell off the wrong side of the bed, getting wedged between his bed and wall (how the fuck?), broke his alarm clock when he threw a pillow at it, his hot water wasn’t working, and he didn’t have time for breakfast because of everything that happened. 

After the academy, Naruto had decided that he wanted to go get Ramen. His day at school was just as bad as his morning, and he just wanted to eat and write the day off while drowning his sorrows in delicious, delicious broth. 

When Naruto arrived at the ramen joint, he ordered his usual two extra-large miso ramens and got to waiting. 

Ayame, spotting his bad mood, added an extra egg into one bowl, hoping the freebie would cheer him up. 

It worked. 

So did the subsequent 5 bowls of ramen. 

By the end, Naruto was sitting there with his hand on his distended belly, sunshine grin back in place. 

“That was great, as usual!” 

“Glad you enjoyed it, Naruto-kun,” Ayame said back, dropping off his receipt at the table. 

Naruto reached into one of his many pockets for Gama-chan, his wallet, and froze. Then he laughed it off to himself and reached into another. Naruto started to sweat now, going for another pocket, dropping his arm up to the elbow inside to dig for the thing. A customer on the other end of the stall choked on a noodle seeing that (gotta love undetectable expansion charms), but the ramen stall owners were used to it. 

“Shit,” Naruto muttered when he came back up empty-handed. “Uh…… Genie-nii-chan?” He called out, voice wavering at the end. 

Harry appeared in a quiet poof, arms folded over his chest. 

His bare chest. 

What the f…

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING GENIE-NII-CHAN?” 

“Watch your fucking mouth, Blondie, or I’ll scourgify it!” Harry threatened with a harsh point, making all of the bangles on his arms going a jingle. 

Naruto’s face was violently red, making the roots of his hair almost look orange. 

“GENIE-NII-CHAN!!” Naruto squeaked, actually squeaked like a little toy, pointing an accusing finger at Harry, “WHAT IS THAT!?” 

“This?” Harry looked down at what he was wearing. The outfit was a stereotypical rendition of a male genie, or courtesan, or something like that. Bare-chested, lots of gold and green fabric, glittering jewellery. It looked good on the tiny male, but since he was TINY and more specifically PRETTY and lastly BARE CHESTED it just looked so wrong. The bottoms looked like a skirt, but then with nothing on top…

The other customer started to get a nosebleed. 

“Pervert,” Ayame deadpanned at seeing it, even though her cheeks were flushed too. Harry was just too attractive for his own good. 

“I look like what I am now,” Harry finally said, smiling innocently at Naruto. The only thing that threw off the entire look was his dorky glasses. 

“Oh my fuck,” Naruto muttered, thankfully quietly enough that Harry didn’t hear (or he didn’t really care, either or), before pointing and shouting, “CHANGE, NOW, DATTEBAYO!” 

Harry frowned, or pouted, but shook his head no. He didn’t want to change. 

“So why did you summon me?” Harry asked, still pouting and sitting down on the stool next to Naruto. He set his stool spinning around, doing nothing for his ‘I’m not adorable’ image. 

Naruto continued to stare, settling back down in his stool since he knew he couldn’t really MAKE Harry do it. 

“I forgot Gama-chan.” He mumbled. Harry snapped and held it out to Naruto, spinning around one final time and standing. 

“I’m going to the store, “He announced, ducking under the stall flap. 

Naruto shouted, slapped some money down on the table and rushed out after Harry. 

… … … 

Harry wasn’t sure why people were staring at him so much. For once he was wearing his hair down. It was pretty long outside of the braid, past his shoulder blades. Maybe that was why he mused with a chin tap. 

As he walked towards the main marketplace of the village, he noticed a lot of people had red faces. Was it really hot out today? He didn’t feel super-hot, but he cast a cooling charm on himself just to be sure. 

Naruto caught up at this point, grabbing onto Harry’s hand. 

“Nii-chan, can you please change, ‘ttebayo?” He actually begged, tugging on that hand. 

“Why? There’s nothing wrong with my outfit.” Harry looked down at his baggy harem style pants and the many scarves that acted as a belt. He shook out his foot too, which jingled with bells. 

‘Is he really this naïve?’ Naruto thought. He may be young himself, not even a genin, but even he knew why Harry shouldn’t be walking around like this. The trail of blushing, nose bleeding people he’s left in his wake is enough of an answer. 

“You-… You really don’t know?” Naruto asked. He was concerned for his Nii-chan!

There was a little twinkle in Harry’s eyes as he tilted his head curiously. 

“Should I wear a vest? Is that why? My chest is too much?” He raised his one free hand to cover a nipple. 

Those blue, blue eyes of Naruto’s went wide. ‘He’s just fucking with me!’ he thought, getting his own prankster twinkle in his eyes then. 

“Yeah, Nii-chan, I think that’s what the problem is. A vest would help soooooo much.” 

Harry’s little eyebrow tick to what Naruto said conveyed the message well enough: Laying it on a bit thick, eh? 

“You’re right!” Harry said in antithesis to what he did. He snapped, his new favorite method of doing magic, and a tiny little vest appeared around his shoulders, just covering his nipples. He went from a cuteness level of 10 to through the roof. Two more people fell from nosebleeds. 

“How’s this?” Harry asked, taking his hand back so he could do a little twirl for Naruto. 

“Perfect,” Naruto replied, hoping that Hokage-jii-chan was watching on his little crystal ball. He’d noticed one of the ANBU had left to go to the tower straight away after spotting them. 

“Let’s go get some new sealing books!” Naruto said, dashing off back towards the marketplace. 

Harry laughed and ran after him, jingling from his bells and jewellery as he went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ...
> 
> AN: I wanted to do more damage with Harry looking cute like that, but I couldn’t work it in.


	8. Can your friends do this?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 - “Can your friends do this?” 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> ... ... ...

_After the first time, I went to the academy with Naruto, I never went back again. I didn’t want to be a ninja, so I didn’t give a fuck about learning about it. I did, however, occasionally show up to meet with him either for lunch or after school. Or even walk him TO school._

_Usually, I would be an adult, but occasionally… I mixed it up._

…………………

Naruto had failed another genin exam. Not surprising, since even after a year the only thing that really changed about Naruto is that he had better quality equipment and ninja-gear. His actual skills and abilities were still pretty shit. 

Harry could help Naruto study, but Naruto didn’t want to study, so Harry didn’t help him. 

Harry could watch Naruto practice, but other than with aim—a skill at which both of them excelled—Harry couldn’t be much help. He didn’t know anything about taijutsu or whatever. 

Harry could watch Naruto work on his ninjutsu, but since Harry had a very basic understanding of how it worked (same as with magical theory), he couldn’t help much. He had always been the type to just “Say spell, do the thing, BOOM Spell is done.” Yeah, he worked at it, but after all that time in his lamp, never mind all that other shit involving Death, Magic was way easier for him. 

Plus magic and chakra are different. The theory might be a wee bit similar, but very different. 

Not to mention the fact that Harry was busy. He had to prove that he was a functioning member of society, part of the community, contribute with his taxes… or something…. So he’d opened up a shop. A basic repair shop. People could drop off a broken item. A week later, they could pick it up for a small fee. No one but Naruto and the Hokage knew that Harry just magicked shit better. 

Despite all of that, Harry did try to spend time with Naruto. He knew, from his own experiences, that having someone BE there meant more than anything else. So Harry would do that. 

Be there. 

Even if Naruto didn’t want him there. 

……….

The first time, after Harry had shown up at the academy as a student, that he came as … not a student… was confusing for a lot of the…. Students. 

“Hey!” Kiba said, pointing to the 17-year-old-looking Harry who was leaning against the wall with a bag of take-out in his hand for Naruto and him to share for lunch, “How’d you get so tall so fast!?” 

“Idiot,” a few people in the crowd who heard him mumbled. “That’s not the same kid.” Sakura followed up, going up to Harry and bowing politely, “Forgive him miss, he’s been kicked in the head not enough times.” 

“HEY!!!” Kiba shouted this time, Akamaru barking as well. 

Harry just grinned, even though his eye twitched at the ‘miss’ comment. Didn’t she remember …? 

“It’s okay.” He smiled at the girl and then the boy, finally staring at the puppy who started to whimper. “I got tall because of magic.” 

That stopped them both. 

“Wait… You are the same kid?” Sakura ventured slowly, skeptical of Harry. 

“Yup,” Harry said aspirating the P, beaming at her while still staring at the puppy. Was that killing intent? Nah, Harry couldn’t do that… could he? 

“But h--…” Sakura started, only to be cut off by Harry’s reaffirmation of, “Magic.” 

“Could you stop that!?” Kiba shouted, picking Akamaru off of his head and protecting him from the weird teenager in front of them. 

“Doing what?” Harry asked innocently, the façade dropping when Naruto tried to tackle him from the side. Harry merely sidestepped, muttering, ‘Can your friends do this?’ and the boy went sprawling on the ground. 

While Naruto groaned, Harry kicked at the blond’s butt with his sandal-clad foot. 

“Hello, Blondie. I brought lunch.” 

Whatever Naruto was going to say about Harry being a jerk died at the mention of food. The two walked away to go sit by a tree and eat, completely ignoring the conversation Harry had been having with Kiba and Sakura. 

There was a very long paused as they stared after the slightly unlikely pair before turning to each other. 

“I’m not sure if I’m offended or not,” Sakura stated in her shock at the exchange they’d just had. 

…………………..

The relationship that Harry and Naruto had was a weird one. Those who observed the pair closely knew this the most. Others tended to be shocked by it. 

“What. Are you doing.” Naruto deadpanned, staring at his genie. 

“I came to pick you up,” said Harry with a shrug. 

Naruto just stared. Not at Harry though. At the giant snake around his neck. 

“Where’d you get that,” Naruto continued, arms like lead at his side because why the fuck did this become his life? He just wanted to become Hokage, damnit. 

“Forest. Anko showed me,” Harry tickled the snake under the chin, the creature hissing… and Harry cooed back. Granted it sounded more like a hiss since no one but Harry could speak Parseltongue in Konoha. He was trying to teach Anko though. 

There was a long pause from Naruto as he just stared at Harry. This man who had come out of a bottle he had found in the trash. Maybe that explained why this was his life. 

“Should… Should I even ask why you’re here, dattebayo?” 

“Maybe,” Harry replied, throwing a smile at Naruto with a tilt of his head. The tilt caused all of that messy, black hair to fall over his shoulder. It was in a high pony today. So it wouldn’t bother the snake. 

The pair had one of their rather infamous staring contests. 

“Are you going to tell me?” Naruto finally questioned. 

“You didn’t ask the question,” replied Harry. 

Naruto waited before shouting, “IT WAS IMPLIED DATTEBAYO!” 

Harry smiled benignly. 

Letting loose an explosive sigh Naruto asked the question he had, indeed, implied earlier. 

“I came to pick you up from school!” Harry answered cheerfully, his eyes squinting shut with how big his smile was. The snake even turned to Naruto and smiled. Was that possible? 

“Well, you’ve picked me up, let’s go~” Naruto walked over to Harry and grabbed him by the shirt and started to drag him home. 

Despite how he was acting though, a smile was tugging at Naruto’s lips and he had this warm feeling in his chest… 

Harry had it too, though he didn’t bother hiding his smile. 

……………………

“Why do you look like that, ‘ttebayo?” Naruto asked, nibbling on the stick of meat that was left over from their breakfast. 

Small, thin shoulders shrugged up and down. Normally Harry was small and thin, but this was more so than usual. Harry looked like he was about eight years old. 

“I’ve got a meeting with the Hokage,” replied Harry as if that explained everything. 

Naruto nodded slowly. It did explain everything. To him at least. 

“What’s it about?” 

“My shop.” 

Naruto giggled at that, biting off the last of piece of food from the stick. 

“Is it because of the name?” Naruto looked at Harry out of the corner of his eyes. Harry looked back, gazing under the arm of his glasses. Then he smiled. 

“Probably,” answered Harry with a little hum, bouncing with a skip in his step. 

Naruto started to laugh some more, tossing the biodegradable stick out into the long grass. 

At the entrance to the academy, Harry waved Naruto off. 

“I’ll come by at lunch with something to eat!” The small child who was actually Harry said, confusing a lot of parents since they were not used to this yet. 

“It better be ramen, dattebayo!” Naruto shouted back, running off to class with a genuine smile on his face. He could hear whispers of, ‘Who’s the kid?’ behind him as he did. 

Harry just laughed at the whispers as he headed off towards the Hokage Tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ...
> 
> AN: Repair business Harry in Naruto world stole from another fic. Against the Odds by PolarPanther, I think. Also, I have no idea what I’m writing here. 8D


	9. You got a list that’s three miles long, no doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 - “You got a list that’s three miles long, no doubt.” 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> ……

_I feel like this is obvious, but birthdays are important. Especially for young kids. It helps to let them know that they are special._

_I didn’t get that until I was way too old… And I don’t want Naruto to have to go through the same bullshit that I did._

… … … 

The first year that Harry witnessed what happened to Naruto on his birthday, he promised himself he wouldn't let it happen again. He remembered his own birthdays, and this was just as bad, if not worse. 

A few weeks before the day, Harry went to go see the Sandaime. Set up a proper meeting and everything. 

"Hello Harry-san," the Hokage said to Harry when he entered his office. Harry bowed his head and replied in kind, minus the honorific of course. Just a simple, "Lord Hokage." 

"What can I do for you?" Sarutobi asked, filling his pipe. 

"I want to take Naruto out of the village for his birthday so that the villagers don't even have the chance of hurting him like they tried last year," Harry stated it bluntly, staring directly at the leader of his village. 

Sarutobi paused for a few seconds before visibly aging as he let the information sink in. He knew it was bad, but still... How could the villagers...?

"Where will you take him?" he asked, instead of all the other thoughts rushing through his head. 

"Just out. I think camping for a few days." Harry shrugged before continuing, "I can make it a bit like a survival trip, teaching him what plants are okay to eat and setting up traps to catch wild game." 

Sarutobi nodded and waved for Harry to continue explaining. 

"…Maybe fishing?" Harry added since he honestly didn't know what else the Hokage wanted him to say. 

"Just the two of you?" 

Now it was Harry's turn to nod. 

"I can take care of us. Even if something happens and I die, it would only be a few seconds before I'm back."

"And what if something happens during those few seconds?" 

"Death will protect him," Harry said these words with such conviction that Sarutobi's head actually whipped around to look at the boy—eer man. 

There was a moment when the two just stared at each other (Harry does that a lot, doesn’t he?)... before Sarutobi, once more, nodded. 

"Explain."

Harry snorted first, "Well," He began, "I told you before what I am. When I die, Death shows up to protect my body. Or mock me," Harry shrugged then while Sarutobi dipped his head, remembering this from their first conversation. 

"And," continued Harry, "When I first met Blondie, Death said that Naruto was marked by him." There was a pause here so that Harry could shrug, "And I've grown attached. Death will protect him because that's what I want. It's quite simple." 

'Simple,' thought Sarutobi with his own snort of derision, 'Having Death as a servant is anything but simple.' 

But he didn't voice these thoughts and just uncrossed his arms as he leaned forward. 

"You have my approval. Come back tomorrow to get the necessary paperwork from my secretary." 

Harry smiled at the Hokage and bobbed his head once, taking the words as the dismal they were. 

"Thank you, Lord Hokage," Harry threw over his shoulder as he left. 

… … … 

When Naruto found out what was happening, three days before his birthday, he was ecstatic. 

"REALLY DATTEBAYO!? WE'RE LEAVING THE VILLAGE!? WE'RE GOING CAMPING, ‘TTEBAYO!? YATTA!!!!" Naruto shouted his joy, bouncing around the room. Harry just sat at their kitchen table and watched him. 

"We'll have to go shopping before we leave," began Harry only to be interrupted as Naruto landed in a crouch on the table. 

"Can I try my new jutsu instead of your magic this time?" Naruto asked, even as Harry pushed at his knee and told him to get off the table because "We eat here." 

Naruto got down and stared expectantly. 

Harry stared back before asking, "What was the question?" 

"Geennnnniie-niiii-chaaaaaaaaaannnn!!!" whined Naruto, "Can I try my new jutsu for our disguise instead of your magic this time?" 

"New jutsu?" Harry's eyebrow went up, arms behind his head to fasten his braid. 

"Yeah!" Naruto shot up from his chair and went through the hand signs, Harry paying close attention to the order, and then *poof*... Female Naruto. 

Harry didn’t blink for a while. 

"Clothes Blondie," he eventually said, standing up with a grunt then snapping his own fingers. In his place was now a small blond girl with the same pigtails as Naruto. 

Naruto did another set of hand signs and then cheered as he got clothes. 

"Blondie, you shouldn't jump around like that," stated Harry, his voice higher pitched now that he looked like a little girl. 

Wide blue eyes stared down at Harry before a huge grin went across her face. 

"Right you are, Genie-chan!" Naruto held out her hand for Harry, after grabbing Gama-chan, and the pair headed out to the market. 

The ANBU watchers were highly amused. 

… … … 

It took just a few hours to gather up all of their supplies. After a pitstop back at their apartment to get Harry’s lamp, they were headed out the gates as themselves, proper paperwork in hand and filed with the Hokage's tower. 

The gate guards stamped their passports and they were off down the road. 

… … … 

They had been walking for about 15 minutes when Harry noticed they had a companion. He glanced over his shoulder at the dark shadow there and then looked back forward. 

YOU GET MORE INTERESTING AS TIME GOES BY, MASTER

Death keened, a wheeze somehow leaving its mostly corporeal body to signify its laugh. 

Harry quirked a smile. He was glad he could be entertaining for his forever companion. 

“Whatcha laughing at Genie-nii-chan?” Naruto asked when he noticed the look on Harry’s face. 

Death looked down at Naruto, or at least the hood of shadows turned down in the blond’s direction. 

“I’m just amused,” Harry ruffled Naruto’s hair, then pulled his hand back to look at it. “When was the last time you washed?” He questioned seriously, wiped his hand off on the back of Naruto’s shirt. 

“Gah! Hey! Don’t do that, ‘ttebayo!” Naruto jumped away a few paces, whining about his shirt. 

“Answer the question, Blondie, before I scourgify you.” 

“A week!” Naruto would never admit that he squeaked the answer. He hated the feeling of that spell! It always left him feeling itchy!

Harry raised his hand in threat and Naruto screamed, running off the road and into the forest. 

DOES HE REALLY THINK THAT WILL STOP YOU?

Death’s voice tolled this time, the humor in the words echoed in Harry’s eyes. 

“Who knows,” muttered Harry as he took off running after Naruto, shouting about how he was going to clean him. 

… … … 

After the ridiculous run through the woods, Harry started to herd Naruto towards a campground that he thought would work well for them. By campground, he meant random clearing in the words, but meh same thing. 

"So, Blondie," Harry started as he dropped off his bag and sat down on the ground. "Know how to set up a tent?" 

Naruto turned so fast there was a small noise as his neck cracked. He brought his hand up to rub it and looked at his genie. 

"You're not just going to magic it?" He asked, taking off his backpack as well. 

A fine eyebrow quirked up and Harry actually laughed. 

"You won't learn anything if I always magic it for you," Harry explained, not stating that he 'wouldn't always be there' because.... well... he would be. Kind of had to be. Part of the lamp thing. 

Naruto's sulk was mighty impressive, but Harry wasn't moved. 

"Come on, chop-chop!" Harry clapped for emphasis, taking out the scroll that had the tent in it, and throwing the scroll at Naruto. 

"Gah!" Naruto shouted before catching the scroll and growling at Harry. He followed that up by muttering and unsealing the tent. 

"Hey," Harry began gently, "I'll help you if you need it. Always." He waited for Naruto to look at him and gave the blond a heartfelt smile, "I'll always be there for you, Naruto." 

There was a pause then Naruto returned the smile. He crowed in delight and started to set up the tent. 

Ten minutes later he needed help, but Harry didn't mind giving it. 

… … … 

"What now, Genie-nii-chan?" The tent was finished and Harry had a pile of rocks and wood waiting for Naruto. 

"Fire pit." Harry pointed, "I want to see if you can make it smokeless."

Naruto looked at the rocks and grinned. 

"Piece of cake! Iruka-sensei taught us how to do this real well!" And Naruto had learned well since he respected Iruka. 

Not long after the firepit was set up and Naruto had it ready to light. 

Next, Harry and Naruto went out together and set up some traps and snares. They spent nearly an hour talking and learning about a few different plants and mushrooms. Naruto liked those lessons but wished he had gotten them earlier. They would be been useful before his genie had shown up and helped him to get food... 

Eventually, they wound up at the river with crude fishing poles. They weren't a real pole since Harry wanted Naruto to be able to catch fish with something small, so it was mostly a string with a hook tied to a small stick. 

"We're really going to catch our own dinner, dattebayo?" Naruto asked, sitting in a crouch on a rock as he watched his string in the water. 

"Yup," Harry aspirated the P. "It's good for you to learn this stuff. Even with all of the sealing we've picked up being able to catch food while out on a mission could be very important." He continued his explanation, "I can't magic food, as much as it looks like I do." 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Naruto mumbled, "I remember." He'd once asked Harry to prove he couldn't magic food. Harry had conjured an apple for him and let Naruto eat it. It tasted like eating paper. 

They sat quietly in companionable silence until Naruto got a bite. He yanked on the string and the fish came flying out of the water. 

Naruto shouted, but didn't catch the fish because of his shock and it slapped him in the face. 

Harry, who had been sitting next to Naruto, fell to the side laughing. 

… … … 

That night while they were eating their dinner Harry asked a question he had been wondering about since Naruto had first rubbed his lamp. 

"Hey. Blondie," he only continued once Naruto looked up from his fish to him, "What's your wish? You've got a list that's three miles long, no doubt, but you've never really wished for anything." 

Laughing in a self-deprecating manner, Naruto rubbed at the back of his head and set his plate down on his lap. 

"You'll find it silly," he averted his eyes, but the fire doing nothing to hide his blush. 

"Try me." 

Naruto took some time to just look at Harry to judge how serious his genie was. They'd been around each other for over a year now and Harry had never laughed at him during a serious moment. So, with a jerk and steeling his resolves, he said what, to him, was his ultimate wish. 

"I wanted family. But you gave that to me, Nii-chan, without me having to wish for it," A few seconds passed before Naruto continued, this time his voice quieter, "I was also worried that you would disappear if I said a real wish..." 

Was that the sound of a breaking heart? Oh, no wait. Just the fire popping. 

"My lamp doesn't work like that. You can wish for anything you want, Naruto, and I won't disappear," Harry debated with himself for a second before saying his next sentence. He'd never said it to Naruto before, but... "I'll only disappear if you tell me to. That's how my lamp works. You can't make me do what you want, Naruto, but you can send me back into my lamp." 

Naruto looked up to Harry with eyes swimming. 

"Really? You'll never leave?" 

"Not unless you wish it." 

Naruto, then, launched himself at Harry in the first hug he'd bothered to initiate with his genie. HIS Genie. 

Harry blinked wide for a moment, then his countenance softened as he returned the hug. He pretended not to hear Naruto muttering how this was the best birthday ever. 

… … … 

The next two days before Naruto's actual birthday were spent doing some training (on Naruto's part) and reading, or watching (on Harry's). The day of Naruto's actual birthday, Harry woke up the boy with a bucket full of water, followed by confetti, to the face. 

Sputtering Naruto sat up with a shriek, arms flailing. Harry laughed. 

"Happy Birthday Blondie," Harry said, waving a hand to the clearing that he'd magicked decorations into. Once Naruto had the confetti out of his eyes, but not the rest of his face or hair, his mouth dropped open in shock. And if tears prickled at his eyes, well, he was wet from the bucket of water and no one would know except him. 

"We've got a busy day, Blondie, so get up and eat your breakfast!" Harry pointed to the pot he had near the fire that was bubbling with.... was... WAS THAT RAMEN!? 

"Yes, it is," replied Harry. Apparently, Naruto had shouted his question. He appeared in his seat by the fire so fast a bunch of the confetti flew off of him and stayed in his bedroll. It was impressive. 

After the ramen breakfast, the pair went off to check their traps and gather some more foods. Then they decided to go for a swim in the river. Later, while eating wild fruit on the shore and fishing for their lunch, Naruto asked a question he had been curious about for a while. 

“Ne, Nii-chan,” Naruto hesitated, eyes on his fishing line and ears pink. “Can I ask you a question?” 

Harry turned to Naruto but didn’t say anything. Naruto, subsequently, turned a bit pinker. 

“A couple questions?” he fixed his first question and Harry chortled. 

“Sure, Blondie, what is it?” 

“Well…” hedged Naruto, tugging at his fishing line and winding it back up so he could toss it out again, just trying to keep his hands busy, “Have you always been a genie?” 

The tiny genie froze for an instant, eyes intent on his lamp holder. Then he tilted his head and let a bittersweet smile stretch his face. 

“No,” began Harry, “I wasn’t always a genie. I wasn’t born one. I became one.” 

A couple of minutes passed. Naruto had heard Harry say that he was a wizard before he was a genie, but what he was really curious about was…

“How did you become a genie?” 

It took Harry a moment, a sigh before he could say it. It was kind of embarrassing. 

“I touched something I shouldn’t have,” Harry explained, tugging at his own string, like how Naruto had been doing. “Where I lived before, we had this area that was in our Government building, kind of like the Hokage’s Tower.” Naruto nodded, to show that he was listening. 

“Well,” Harry paused, sighing again, “I was working in…. ehh… Let’s call it Research. We had a lot of … artifacts—things,” Harry changed his word, anticipating Naruto’s question, “That were, well, magical.

“I was reaching for something on a high shelf, but…” Here Harry just waved a hand up and down himself, showing his short height, “I couldn’t reach. Bumped something I wasn’t supposed to and caught it on instinct.” He turned to look at Naruto and smiled, a slightly broken smile, “I’ve been in the lamp ever since.” 

Naruto’s eyes were wide as he finally heard the tale. The natural follow up question came tumbling out in the way only Naruto could. 

“How long have you been in the lamp, ‘ttebayo?” It was whispered more than anything. Naruto may lack tact, but not completely. He could tell that this wasn’t, exactly, the easiest thing for Harry to talk about. 

“Until now, or until I was let out for the first time?” Harry asked a question in return, his smile no longer reaching his eyes. 

Taking a second to wet his lips Naruto pushed and asked, “Both?” 

Harry finally broke eye contact with Naruto and looked back to his fishing line.

“I was in the lamp for what felt like a week or so before I was let out for the first time… Though it was actually a couple of years. Everyone had been worried…” 

“Everyone?” 

“Yeah,” Harry faltered, forcing his smile now, “My friends. My godson… Family.”

“Oh…” Naruto felt bad for his genie and scooted himself over so that he was almost leaning against Harry’s side. “Wh-…” He started, tentatively, “What about the other thing?” 

“The oth—oh. I’ve been in the lamp for….” Harry needed to think, tilting his head back to look at the sky as he tried to remember. 

ALMOST 40 YEARS MASTER

Death’s voice came on the breeze, a mournful cry of all of Harry’s lost time. 

“Almost 40 years,” Harry repeated for Naruto. Not even the Hokage knew how old Harry was, but Naruto had a guess now. 

“Wow…” Naruto whispered the word, staring at the river too. 

Their moment was ruined as both fishing lines jerked into the water, signaling that they had fish. 

They laughed and started to pull in their fish, glad the serious moment was over. 

… … … 

The dinner that night was actually more ramen, with squirrel meat, fresh herbs, and a cake that Harry had magicked away for this moment. 

For Naruto, it was the best birthday he’d ever had. For Harry, it was a good reminder of why he needed family and would probably forever be in Naruto’s debt for letting him out of his lamp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... 
> 
> AN: Oops. This chapter ran away from me. I was writing it at work, sending it to myself in emails lol. Sorry for the angst, but, HEY! Backstory!


	10. Some heavy ammunition in your camp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 - “Some heavy ammunition in your camp” 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> ... ... ...

_I love sealing._

_But I don’t think the rest of Konoha loves that I taught it to Naruto._

… … … … … … … … … ….

Of all the ninja arts Fuuinjutu was the one that Harry liked the best. Ninjutsu and Genjutsu: Harry could do similar or better with his magic. Taijutsu? Harry wasn’t a fighter—he’d just magic himself away. But fuuinjutsu? It just had so many applications! 

Once Naruto realized that he could duplicate some of the things that Harry’s magic did with those ‘squiggling lines’ he knew he was going to learn it too. 

The most useful ones for Naruto were the storage seal and an explosive tag. Or, rather, they were his favorites. 

And the village, unfortunately, knew it too. 

.. .. .. .. … . … .. .. .. … … … … … ….

_**BOOOOOOM** _

Harry looked up from the newspaper he was reading while inside his shop. The bell above the door rang as it shook, first from the explosion that was probably Naruto, and then as the door opened to let in a customer. 

The door remained open as the shinobi in the doorway looked off towards the noise and let out a heavy sigh. He clacked a senbon against his teeth and then looked at Harry. 

“You’ll probably be getting some work, lady,” the shinobi said, entering the shop the rest of the way, “The brat is at it again.” 

Harry’s eye twitched double time. More for the lady comment than the brat one. The tone was enough to show it wasn’t meant rudely. 

“Probably, but his name is Naruto and MY Name is Harry.” The smile on Harry’s face was entirely false, and obviously so. 

The shinobi at the door flinched, but not more visibly than a slight tensing of his neck muscles. 

“Like a needle?” Because everyone had to ask. Harry twitched again. 

“Where I’m from my name means ‘Protector’ or ‘Commander’ actually,” Harry tried to remain calm as he explained this. 

“Protector?... Commander…? That’s a strange name for a girl.” 

As blunt as the shinobi was, Harry was even more so. 

“I’m not a girl.”

Dark eyes scanned Harry up and down before the man said, “Coulda fooled me.” And Harry deflated, shrinking behind the counter of his shop. 

A scroll was pushed into Harry’s line up sight and he looked up. 

“I’ve got a mission. Someone wanted you to fix this for them,” That the mission was for someone in another country was left unstated. “As soon as possible.” 

Harry sat up and took the scroll, turning it over in his hand. “Fast work costs more,” he looked over the top of his glasses at the shinobi, finally getting a good look at him. 

“Customer doesn’t care.” 

“All right,” Harry nodded, setting aside the scroll to grab a large book that he wrote his work orders in. “Can I get your name, their names, what it is…” The questions were rambled off and Harry wrote it all down. 

“All right, Genma,” Harry said once he was finished. Genma jerked back at the lack of honorific, “It’ll be ready tomorrow.” Harry then picked up the scroll and disappeared into the back of the shop. 

Genma blinked very slowly at the spot where the small… person… had just been, then shook his head and left. He wasn’t being paid enough to deal with stupid shit like this. 

… … .. … … … … … … … …

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!** _

_“NARUUUTTTOOOOO!!!!”_

Harry looked up from where he was kneeling, comparing a local plant to the book he had borrowed from Inoichi’s wife. If he could hear Iruka, he was probably too close to that explosion. The ringing in his ears also clued him in, as did the wetness dripping from them. 

Grabbing the plant, he decided to just apparate back to the apartment. 

Later, Harry would simply ask Inoichi’s wife if the plant could be used for tea instead of trying to figure it out for himself. 

… … .. … … … … … … … …

_**BOOOOOOOOOMMM—CRRRAAACCKKKKKK…..THUD.** _

Harry smirked when he heard the thud that nearly knocked over his tea. It would have, had Harry not picked up the cup when he first heard the explosion. Naruto seemed to be getting better at that. 

His face cracked as he laughed though, seeing the mixture of leaves, glitter, and confetti fall down onto the town. 

“Genie-chan~” Harry admits he jumped at Anko’s voice, turning to look at the woman whose face was smashed next to his, “Is that your handy work?” 

“No, Anko,” Harry grabbed at her wrist before it could go any farther down his chest, “That’s all Blondie.” 

She pouted at him but snaked her hand back and slunk over to the other chair. 

“But you did teach him how to make them, right?” She asked for clarification, ordering her own tea and dango.

“I can neither confirm nor deny these accusations,” Harry smiled, “Plausible deniability.” 

Anko snorted, rocking back in her chair. The genie was smart at least. 

The pair were silent while Anko waited for her food and Harry continued to read. Her little visits like there were quite normal for the pair. 

Once her food arrived and she had eaten an entire stick, the silence was broken. 

“How good is he?”

“Hmm?” Harry looked up and processed her question. Then smirked. “Quite good. I daren’t let him view my readings. He already has enough heavy ammunition in his camp.” He gestured to his book then, which was clearly on advanced sealing techniques. He even had a notebook nearby that he was taking notes in. 

Anko let out an impressed whistle, glancing at the pages. 

“I fear for the future.” 

“I don’t,” countered Harry, “I rejoice. The world needs more creativity.”

Anko looked at Harry with a shrewd eye. 

“At least his jounin sensei, surely,” she hedged. 

“Eeeehh…” Harry thought, then nodded, “Yeah, they should probably be worried.” 

Elsewhere, Kakashi sneezed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... 
> 
> AN: Last chapter was too angsty. Wrote this immediately after I posted that last one.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11 - “You got some power in your corner now” 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> ... ... ...

_How did this wind up being the case? Why did this have to happen? Why is Naruto so stupid sometimes?_

* * *

...

Harry was late. He was angry that he was late, but at the same time, he was happy for himself. His personal stash of tea from England was running low and he had been talking to Inoichi and his wife about finding teas here that would be similar in taste because they’re florists, maybe they would know, fuck it! 

But because of that, Harry was late. It was graduation day and Harry was supposed to be there for Naruto. It was one of the only things he could do was be there and he wanted to BE THERE BUT HE WAS FUCKING LATE. 

When he did finally arrive, he saw that one of the teachers was walking away from Naruto as the boy waited on a swing. Harry felt like utter shit as he approached the boy who clearly was NOT wearing a hitai-ate. 

“Hey Blondie,” Harry hesitated, stepping slowly towards his lamp holder. 

Naruto looked up and gave Harry one of his giant, fake smiles. 

“Hey, Genie-nii-chan!” He jumped up from the swing and went just past Harry. “I’m going to go train, okay? So don’t wait up for me!” The blond jogged away before taking off in a sprint. 

Harry was left standing there, eyebrow raised high—so high it almost hurt—and suspicious as fuck. 

Unfortunately, Harry had no one he could talk to about his suspicions. His only friend was Naruto and if Naruto wasn’t going to tell him what was going on, how was he supposed to know? 

Harry returned to his shop and after he closed up for the day, he went home. There he went through his normal nightly routine, finishing up by sitting at the kitchen table in Naruto’s part of the apartment, reading a book and drinking attempt number 17 at English tea in Konoha. It was a decent attempt. 

His moment was interrupted by the appearance of an ANBU, even though it was extremely late at night (more like early morning). The ANBU asked Harry—well, asked quite forcefully—if he knew where Naruto was. 

Of course, Harry did, it was part of the bond that he had with his lamp holder, but with his suspicions from earlier, he was really curious as to what was going on. 

It was too bad that the ANBU wouldn’t tell Harry. So Harry, being the little asshole that he was, merely said that Naruto was in the woods somewhere to the west. 

The ANBU left, disgruntled, and Harry went to the balcony of the apartment. He didn’t want to interrupt. It felt like something important was going to happen. 

However, an hour later when Harry felt Naruto summoning him he appeared immediately in a puff of green smoke and gold glitter, yet another ridiculous genie get-up on just to fuck with his lamp holder. 

“-nii-ch---…” Whatever Naruto was going to say totally died as he saw what his Genie was wearing. Standing over the beaten body of Mizuki, a bleeding Iruka leaning against a tree, Naruto’s mouth gaped open like a fish on land. 

Iruka too looked confused, his moment of trying to ‘graduate’ Naruto ruined by the appearance of this… girl? 

“Uh,” Iruka started but was interrupted by Harry. 

“Blondie, I don’t even want to know,” Harry shook his head, looking down to Mizuki and with a snap, he was tied up tight. “I just… I really don’t want to know.” 

Naruto laughed and rubbed at the back of his head. 

“Could you help Iruka-sensei?” The blond pointed to his teacher, the scent of blood permeating the air. 

Harry stared at Naruto with a blank face and gestured grandly in Iruka direction. He turned his head to look at the air next to him and then waved his fingers again. Iruka let out a startled noise as he felt bandages wrap around his chest and back, properly, yet under his clothes, as well as being raised into the air as if he was on a stretcher. His eyes were wide in a slight state of panic. 

“Naruto??” There was an undertone of … something… in Iruka’s voice. Not quite fear, because he was too good of a shinobi for that, but Iruka was clearly unnerved by what was happening. 

“Don’t worry Iruka-sensei!” Naruto said, coming over into Iruka’s line of sight. “It’s just Genie-nii-chan’s magic.” He smiled large, glad that with his genie there that Iruka-sensei would be okay. Iruka-sensei who had acknowledged him. Just remembering what Iruka said before made Naruto squirm with happiness. 

Iruka turned his head to look at the small girl, who Naruto called ‘brother’, who had appeared from nowhere in a way that Iruka had never seen before. 

“Magic?” His tone this time was incredulous, but then he blanked for a moment. He recognized Harry. Other than a few glances at the gate, the pair honestly hadn’t had a lot of contact… But that one day, a few years ago, Iruka had had a new student… 

“You’re the missing student…” Iruka trailed off, staring at Harry. Harry grinned in return, waving.

“That’s right,” Harry said, making a ‘come on’ motion towards Mizuki’s body so it would float along behind them as they started to make their way back towards town. 

“I always wondered what happened to you after that day. I could remember you, but you never came back.” 

“That’s right,” repeated Harry. 

“So… magic.” 

“Magic.” 

Iruka looked at Harry…. Then Naruto… then Mizuki. 

“Okay.” And he just looked up at the trees passing by. 

* * *

...

The group of people met the Hokage and a T&I ninja, with some ANBU as well at the hospital. 

“JII-CHAN!” Naruto shouted, running towards the Hokage with a huge grin on his face. “I beat up that bastard Mizuki!” 

“Watch your fucking mouth, Blondie,” Harry said automatically, not even paying attention as he buffed his nails on his beaded vest—because, yes, he was still wearing the stereotypical genie outfit. 

Most adults had a wide-eyed look as they looked between the two ‘children’ of the group. The ANBU, at least the ones who had watched over the pair’s apartment, were used to it and just went to pluck Mizuki out of the air. They left with the traitor, the T&I nin eventually following. 

Sarutobi had been about to say something to Naruto, but when Harry had spoken it killed his train of thought. Then he actually looked at what Harry was wearing and quickly looked away, lest his inner pervert destroy him again for the night. 

“Ne, ne, Jii-chan! I learned a cool jutsu,” Naruto poked at Sarutobi, slightly aware of the issue and just plowing over it like it wasn’t there. Iruka would probably be glad that he’d passed out by now. 

“Ah,” Sarutobi’s thoughts came back and he made sure to keep Harry out of his vision as he spoke to Naruto. “About that.” Then Sarutobi waited, eyes on the scroll that was on Naruto’s back and his hand held out patiently. 

Harry snorted and headed off into the hospital to drop off Iruka. When he returned, Naruto—rather a plethora of Naruto’s were shouting about how ‘They were so awesome because they had graduated!’ and they had a shiny new headband in their hands. Well one of them had a headband. Probably the real Naruto. 

“Well this is a cool trick,” Harry said, poking at one of the non-headband-holding Naruto’s. “Ooo, they’re solid.” He looked up to Sarutobi, eyes turning to look at Naruto, “Any warnings we should we worried about with this new technique?” 

Understanding took light in the Hokage’s eyes and he nodded to Harry, even if he avoided looking at the short man. 

“Naruto, you should come with me to my office. We have much to talk about,” He put a leading hand on the blond’s shoulder, a few of the clones dispersing but several following along behind the pair.

Harry was left with a smile on his face and nodded before disappearing back into his room in the apartment. Naruto definitely had plenty of power in his corner now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... 
> 
> AN: Hey look, canon. Or something.


	12. I’m on the job, you big nabob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12 - “I’m on the job, you big nabob” 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> … … …

_So Naruto’s ninja career has finally started._

_I have my worries… But I also know I can’t mollycoddle him. This is Naruto’s dream and, as I care for the blighter, I will support him to the best of my ability._

_Even if I still plan on teasing the crap out of him._

...

* * *

...

Sarutobi expected that he would have to fight with the prankster that Naruto was about his ninja registration picture when he came to turn in his paperwork, but was shocked at the picture that was there. It was normal. Naruto didn't even have that large sunshine smile on his face. He never would have expected this two years ago. Harry clearly had influenced Naruto more than he thought. 

He looked up at the ball of sunshine that was in his office and smiled. The meeting they'd had the other day had been hard but worth it. Harry had kept his word and not told Naruto anything about the Kyuubi, allowing Sarutobi that dubious job. He also told Naruto a little bit about his parents--no names, of course, but more than he'd said so far. 

"How are you doing Naruto-kun?" Sarutobi asked his favorite blond ninja, setting aside the paperwork that he was glad he didn't have to fight about. 

"I’m great, Jiji!" Naruto shouted, shoving forward a thumbs up. "Genie-nii-chan talked to me after I woke up and helped me understand a few other things I was confused about." 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah! Some of the stuff about Kaa-chan and Tou-san." Naruto waved his hand in the air, "The sealing stuff was easy to figure out." He flashed a large grin, "I wanna study sealing more Jii-chan! If something like the Kyuubi can be sealed in me, what else can be sealed away!?"

Naruto launched himself at Sarutobi's desk then, leaning into his space, "Ne ne, do you have any books I can use to help me study? Everything at the library is way too basic and boring, dattebayo." Naruto started to talk fast, repeating words, "Genie-nii-chan can't get much from the bookstore because he's not a ninja, and. And. And they said! They said that you had to be a--a jounin to buy the harder stuff." 

"Well," began Sarutobi, "They're not wrong." He stalled as he thought, "How about you bring Harry-san here and we can arrange some testing for him on his sealing ability, then we can see about getting you both some harder material." His smile was benign now, glad that Naruto had someone willing to help him learn the ninja art that was part of his heritage. 

Naruto opened his mouth to respond, ready to summon Harry, but was interrupted when the door to the Hokage's office was kicked open by a young child wearing a ridiculously long scarf. 

At the same time, since Harry had felt Naruto's intentions, he *poofed* into the office, this time wearing a ridiculous pink and purple get up. His face was covered by a heavily beaded scarf, hair in a curly high ponytail, and more scarves swished around his legs and waist. 

Konohamaru didn't notice Harry as he shouted, "Get ready old man! I'm going to take your hat today!" 

Naruto was busy whipping his head back and forth between his genie and the intruder. The look on his face was pure mortification. 

Sarutobi meanwhile was making sure he did NOT Look at Harry and was ALSO Trying not to laugh at his grandson. 

Konohamaru made the first move, running into the room only to trip on his scarf. He didn't fall, though, because Harry snapped his finger and the boy was suspended in mid-air by his ankle. 

Naruto as well went over and smacked Konohamaru on the back on the head and started to berate him about treating the Hokage with some fucking respect. 

The expected, "Watch your fucking mouth," came from Harry as he heard his lamp holder swearing. 

"You know, Harry-san," Sarutobi stated dryly, "That's kind of hypocritical of you." 

Harry glanced at the red-faced Hokage and just grinned. 

"Do as I say, not as I do." was his simple reply. Sarutobi snorted since he knew that creed never worked. 

"Plus, Blondie is a hypocrite anyway." He motioned to where said blond was still yelling at Konohamaru, "Telling your grandson," he said those last two words loudly so Naruto could hear, but the blond did not give a shit and they both continued, "To respect you when he calls you Jii-chan." 

"I don't mind," Sarutobi replied, warmth in his voice and eyes as he watched his real grandson with the one he feels grandfatherly towards, "It's not like Konohamaru could actually hurt me." 

Harry nodded, "True," he murmured behind his scarves, pushing away from the desk he'd been leaning on. "Are you done with Blondie?" He asked, heading towards the pair. 

Sarutobi nodded in response, even though Harry couldn't see it. The conversation about a test on sealing totally forgotten for the moment. 

"And your grandson?" 

"HIs tutor may be looking for him, but yes. I'm done with him." 

"Excellent." Harry's grin bordered on evil, but only Naruto noticed as a delicate hand grasped both boys by the arm. "Come along boys." And he *poofed* away with them just as Ebisu came running in. 

"H--… Hokage-sama!" Ebisu stuttered and bowed, "What... was that?" 

The Hokage laughed and began to explain. 

...

* * *

...

When they landed in front of Harry's repair shop, Konohamaru fell to the ground, since the spell holding him up had worn off. 

"Oops. Sorry." Harry didn't sound it. His clothes were also normal again 

"GENIE-NII-CHAN!" Naruto now rounded on his genie, "Why do you keep wearing strange clothes like that, 'ttebayo!?"

"Because you react like that," replied Harry as he wandered into his shop, unlocking the door with a simple wave of his hand. 

Naruto blinked, eyes wide, then just stomped around while ranting angrily about how his genie was a stupid pervert who teases him way too much. 

Konohamaru had finally recovered at this point, dashing into the shop to yell at Harry. 

"You can't treat me like that!!" 

Harry, who had sat down with a pen and paper, just stared at the kid. 

"And why is that?" He deigned to ask. 

"Because I'm the grandson of the Hokage!" Konohamaru shouted in reply, getting another smack on the head from Naruto who had also wandered into the shop. 

Harry tuned out the following conversation, only coming back when Naruto said he'd teach Konohamaru something. 

"Hold on a second there, Blondie." Harry reached out and grabbed the back of Naruto's coat, the blond having sat on the counter of his shop. "How do you know that what you want to teach the brat--" 

"HEY!" 

"--is something that someone his age should be learning." He glanced over the top of his glasses, imploring the blond to actually think for a second. 

So Naruto adopted his 'thinking pose' that made him look constipated. 

"I GOT IT, 'TTEBAYO!" shouted Naruto as he dropped off of the counter, "I'll teach him my SPECIAL Jutsu." 

There was a pregnant pause, Harry face-palming at the end of it. 

"Brat, how old are you?" 

Konohamaru's squawk (squeak?) about being called a brat was completely ignored until he answered with a mullish 'eight'. Harry nodded and looked at Naruto. 

"No way." 

It was Naruto's turn to squawk. 

It was around this time that Ebisu showed up. While Harry and Naruto were fighting, the shinobi pulled his charge out of the shop--only to be followed by a stomping Naruto and a laughing Harry. 

"Where are you taking the brat?" Harry was the first to speak to Ebisu, the sunglasses-clad man shocked at the deep voice coming from such a pretty... girl? 

"I am his teacher, miss," Ebisu said with a slight bow of his head, his grip on Konohamaru unrelenting. 

Harry's left eye twitch, though he maintained his smile. Naruto, however, cracked up. Konohamaru, who had seen Harry topless about 15 minutes ago, started to giggle too. No, not giggle. Laugh. (It was totally a giggle). 

"Sir," Harry started, magic crackling around him in a mock-parody of killing intent, "I am not a 'miss'."

Ebisu's eyes tracked down and up Harry's small body, the shapeless tunic he was wearing, the long braided hair... delicate features... 

Harry could almost see the thought process flickering over Ebisu's face since it's something he encountered every fucking day. 

"I AM NOT A GIRL!" Harry yelled and he actually pulled his shirt off, throwing it in Ebisu's face. 

The shinobi adverted his eyes, a blush forming over his cheeks. 

"Miss! Please, put your clothes back on!" 

Konohamaru had joined Naruto on the ground laughing by now. 

Harry twitched rather violently. Folding his arms over his chest, he looked down at Naruto. 

"Blondie?" 

"Eh?" Naruto stopped, looking up at his genie. 

"Sic 'em." 

The Prankster's Grin (trademark) spread over Naruto's face...

"You got it, dattebayo!" And he shot to his feet, flowing through a set of hand signs that he had memorized just a few nights ago. 

"HAREM NO JUTSU!!!" 

Ebisu never stood a chance. 

...

* * *

...

"Wow...." Konohamaru stared as Ebisu flew off because of his nosebleed, assisted with some magic from Harry. "TEACH ME TEACH ME!" He grabbed onto Naruto's jacket. "Isn't this the same jutsu that you used against Jiiji?!" 

Naruto was the definition of smug after he dropped the jutsu. Harry considered taking a picture to put in the dictionary. 

"Blondie," began Harry, "You really shouldn't teach that jutsu to the brat." Were there birds nearby, or did Konohamaru squawk again about being called a 'brat'? "I really don't think it's like a normal henge. Not to mention he's too young." 

Both boys pouted at Harry, idly wondering when he put his shirt back on. 

Harry stared back at them before whipping out that camera and taking a picture. 

"I think The Lord Hokage will like this picture..." he mused, tucking the camera away. 

"HEY, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THAT!!" Konohamaru yelled, flailing his child-sized fists. 

"Genie-nii-chan has always been like that," Naruto answered for Harry, nodding with sage-like wisdom. 

"Genie?" 

"Yeah, dattebayo!" Naruto then waxed poetic about how he found Harry's bottle in the trash--a fact that made Harry's eye twitch again--and everything else too. Harry sat back down in his shop and picked up his paper once more, returning to his writing. 

Everyone only stopped once someone came in to do business with Harry. Naruto stared, never having seen how Harry actually worked his shop, and Konohamaru had never seen it either. 

Once the customer left Naruto rounded on Harry. 

"Ne ne, Genie-nii-chan, did Old Man Hokage really never make you change the name of your shop?" 

The Prankster's Grin (trademark) spread across Harry's face this time. 

"He tried." 

"The name?" Konoharmaru asked, darting outside of the shop and looking up. His jaw dropped. "THAT'S A BAD WORD!" 

"It is indeed." 

"HOW--..." Harry leaned against the doorway, Naruto standing next to him. They were finally the same height, Harry noticed as he waited for Konohamaru to gather his thoughts. "How do you say the third word?" 

"Reparo." The word was said without any magic, so it did nothing. Seeing the confusion on Konohamaru's face, he said it again slowly, "Reh. Pair. Oh." 

"That sounds weird." 

"It's another language. I call it Pseudo-Latin." 

"What is--" 

"It's a language where I'm from." “IT'S GENIE LANGUAGE!" Naruto shouted at the same time as Harry spoke. They looked at each other before looking back at Konohamaru. 

"What he said." And then they both wore The Prankster's Grin (trademark). 

Konohamaru gulped. 

...

* * *

...

The next day, while Naruto was meeting his new team for the first time, Harry was in his shop again. Shockingly, Konohamaru showed up, sans Ebisu. 

"Hey, Genie-chan!" He jumped up onto the counter, kicking his legs into the air as he dangled there. 

Harry looked up from his notebook, "Hey brat," and then looked back down. "Why are you here?" He asked as he continued to write. 

"Ditchin’." 

Harry looked up again, fixing Konohmaru with A Look. "What do you mean ditching?" 

Konohmaru gulped hard before explaining, "Ditching Ebisu-sensei's lessons." 

Harry thought about this for a second, then shrugged. "He's not an academy teacher, I don't care." The grin that brought to Konohamaru's face could rival Naruto's. 

For a few minutes, neither talked. Konohamaru looked around Harry's shop, and Harry continued with his writing. 

Eventually, "Whatcha doing?" 

"Writing." 

"Writing what?" 

"A story." 

"A story about what?" 

"Stuff." 

"What kind of stuff?" 

"Interesting stuff." 

"What kind of interesting stuff?" 

"Magic kind of interesting stuff." 

"What kin--MAGIC??"! Konohamaru fell off the counter in his shock. Harry snickered since he won. 

"Yes, magic. I am a genie after all." His tone when he said 'genie' was bemused, but Konohmaru was too young to catch it. 

"I thought that was just your name," Konohamaru got to his feet and jumped back on the counter, sitting properly (but on the fucking counter) this time. 

Amusement was clear on Harry's face this time, despite the fact the child was sitting on his fucking counter, as he looked at him. "My name is Harry." When Konohamaru's mouth opened, Harry stopped him, "It means ‘Commander’, or ‘Protector’ not 'needle'." The brat's mouth closed, looking a little sheepish. 

Konohamaru looked at Harry's notebook as he went back to writing, looking around the room. 

"Hey, those are seals." 

"Yes, they are." 

"Can you teach me?" 

"Probably not," Harry shrugged then, "Maybe some basics, but you'll have to start at the academy proper before I can, I'll bet."

And because of timing, that is when a messenger came and dropped off a letter for Harry. 

“A letter from the Hokage, hmm?” Harry muttered to himself as he opened the letter, glad that his naturalization classes forced him to learn the written language since Death’s language didn’t convert the written word. 

Konohamaru tried to read over the top of the letter but after another Look from Harry, he stopped. Harry, for his part, finished reading the letter and quickly scribbled out a reply. He tapped the reply twice and it folded up into a crane and flapped out of the shop to the Hokage’s office. 

The brat was staring, wide-eyed, at the display of magic. 

Harry let out a heavy sigh. 

“I’m on the job, you big nabob,” he muttered under his breath as he went back to writing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... 
> 
> AN: Gosh, does the tone change some? I wrote this mostly at work again when my vocabulary is heavily simplified lol. Ope~


	13. Let’s make some Magic!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 - “Let’s make some Magic!” 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> ... ... ...

_It had been a long time since I really let loose with magic._

_I didn’t want people to find out about it and spread the word._

_But…_

_But Naruto was a shinobi now, or he would be soon, and I didn’t want to be lost to my boredom again. Maybe this would make life a bit more exciting._

...

* * *

...

Any semblance of peace that Harry had in his shop was completely ruined when Naruto ran in screaming, “OBLIVIATE ME, OBLIVIATE ME—hi Konohamaru—OBLIVIATE MMEEEEEE!!!” 

Harry looked up from his writing as Naruto came barreling into his shop. Konohamaru was still there since Ebisu had yet to find him, pestering Harry to show him some more magic; Harry was steadfast in ignoring the brat. 

"All right,” Harry pulled out his wand and pointed it Naruto. "What needs erasing?" 

Actively gagging, Naruto wretched out, "I kissed SASUKE!!" 

The other two residents of the shop stopped for a moment then broke out laughing at him. 

"IT'S NOT FUNNY, 'TTEBAYO!"

"Yes, it is." Harry rejoined between chuckles, tucking away his wand. Naruto made a soft keen when he saw Harry do that. Noooo, his obliviate! He needed brain bleach and his genie could do it!! 

"How did it even happen?" Konohamaru asked once he got his giggles under control.

Begrudgingly, Naruto explained how he had been glaring at Sasuke while crouching on the desk. A fellow student bumped into him and he fell forward, causing the pair of--probably now--rivals to lock lips. 

The explanation brought them back into raucous laughter while Naruto pouted sullenly. 

"I'm not going to Obliviate your first kiss, Blondie. It's something you should remember forever." The teasing just made Naruto pout more. 

"HEY NARUTO-SEMPAI!" Konohamaru shouted after a moment, jumping up from the floor he'd been laying on. "Make your genie show me some magic!" 

The non-sequitur caused the other two occupants of the shop to pause, then Harry snorted and returned to what he had been doing--writing--and Naruto just looked confused. 

"I can't make him DO anything," Naruto still sounded sullen; he had hoped he would be able to wish for anything, but Harry wouldn't grant his wishes. He wasn't a traditional genie and Naruto was still salty about it! 

"But--" 

"I may be a genie, brat, but I was a wizard before--and something else as well. I am my own person." Harry interrupted, lowering his notebook to look at the children. "If you ask nicely, maybe I'll show you something really cool." He ended that with a one-shoulder shrug, going back to writing. 

Naruto and Konohamaru looked at each other and had a silent conversation before moving so quickly to Harry's side it looked like a shunshin. 

"Please please pretty please," started Naruto. 

"Oh, great and powerful Genie-sama~" continued Konohamaru. Harry was smirking. 

"Could you please, oh please~" 

"Please show up some magic?" 

"We would be ever so grateful~" 

"Where did you learn that word?" Harry muttered as Konoharmaru continued where Naruto left off. 

"And so very thankful!" 

"If you'd show us some magic." They finished together. It was pretty impressive, especially as the pair had only met the day before. 

Harry looked between the pair, whose hands were clasped underneath their chins, eyes imploring Harry to do as they had asked--nicely asked. 

"Okay, fine." Harry relented, putting down his notebook and getting to his feet. 

"YATTA!" Naruto shouted, Konohamaru following suit. Harry shooed them out of the shop, following behind as they ran out. A snap of the fingers and his shop was locked up tighter than Gringott's had been, sign flipped from 'Open, I Guess' to 'Closed, Come Back Later (or something)'.

Harry led the pair towards an open field, feeling an additional presence join them. Well, more so than the ANBU who followed. 

HELLO MASTER

"Hello Death," Harry whispered into the wind so no one could hear but his servant. "Why are you here?" He followed up after a minute of silence. Or, well, as much silence as you could get around the Chatterbox known as Naruto. 

YOU ARE GOING TO DO MAGIC. 

Harry waited for more. He didn't get any. 

So he just sighed and spun around to face the children with a wide grin. He threw his arms open wide and the magic started with simple streamers and confetti shooting out of his sleeves. Not so simple was his outfit instantly changed from a simple tunic and baggy pants into a black Magicians outfit, complete with a top hat! "Let's make some magic." 

He flicked his wrist to bring out his wand. Turning towards a tree and began to Transfigure it into............ a dragon, why the fuck not. 

Konohamaru and Naruto screamed when the dragon roared, shooting fire into the air. There were a few other screams too, but Harry was just grinning. He started to throw more spells around, a few more trees disappearing as they were transfigured into different magical creatures. Some unicorns, crups, kneazles, mooncalves, pygmy puffs. Anything benign he could think of. 

A mound of earth moved up into the air as it was changed into a miniature castle. Harry circled it as he conjured some miniature dolls to become Quidditch players. His smile became bittersweet as he raised a Quidditch pitch and set his dolls to playing, one of the green players with bright blond hair, and some redheads on the red team. 

Next, he waved his wand and a giant rainbow appeared in the air before turning the wand at the two children watching him. The grass below them twisted and turned then became an interact rug of green and brown that began to hover in the air. 

A few more flicks of his wand changed the colors of the hiding ANBUs uniforms. One of them even sprouted a tutu in lime green. 

Obviously, by now, plenty of people had gathered around to see what the hell was going on. Even the Hokage had deigned to come down and once Harry realized he was there, he turned to the man and flicked his wand. The Hokage robes changed into a bright red, gold, and orange mess of colors. His grey hair puffed up into a beautiful rainbow ‘fro. 

Naruto and Konohamaru were in stitches. 

“This is quite impressive,” Sarutobi began and he patted at his hair. 

“Thank you, Lord Hokage,” Harry said with a sweeping bow. The dragon behind him roared again. A few of the twitchier Shinobi did just that: twitch. 

The Hokage looked over everything that was in the clearing, holding out a hand to one of the crups that came over to sniff at his robes. He was silent for a long moment, petting the animal as he asked, “Is it permanent?” 

There was a moment when Harry hemmed and hawed, but mostly he ended with a vague shrug. 

One of the Inuzuka family members had bent down to play with a handful of crups as well, their partner sniffing out some of the other animals. 

“Creating life isn’t something anyone should have control over,” Harry finally explained, still in a vague way. It’s not that he COULDN’T do it, just that he didn’t think it was right. 

Sarutobi nodded in understanding. If he understood all of Harry’s subtext…. Eh. He wasn’t explaining. 

“Please return the field to normal when you’re done, Harry-san.” Sarutobi walked away then, Hokage hat balanced on the Great Rainbow ‘Fro. 

Harry grinned and swept his wand wide. Most everything started to dissolve into glittering dust. The castle and its Quidditch players remained though because Harry was feeling nostalgic. 

He approached Mini-Warts and admired it, ignoring the thumps from Naruto and Konohamaru falling from their Flying Carpet and running over to him. 

“THAT WAS SO INCREDIBLE, DATTEBAYO!” They both yelled, though one without the verbal tic. The crowd dispersed as well since the magic show was finished. 

Harry laughed and said his thanks, staring at the castle for a long moment before waving his wand and vanishing it. A cold skeletal hand rested on his shoulder, unseen by everyone but Harry. 

“Come on, let’s go.” And he waved the two kids to follow him. 

...

* * *

...

Sarutobi walked through the streets as dignified as he could considering what he looked like. When he’d shown up to meet Kakashi looking as he did, he’d ignored it as if nothing was wrong. The note that had appeared his pocket from Harry said that it would last for just the day, so he wasn’t …. Too… worried. 

His meeting with Naruto’s future sensei had gone… well. Kakashi’s face when he really put two and two together of the giant show of magic outside and who had been taking care of Naruto was priceless for the old man. Almost as good as when Kakashi looked into ‘Harry’s Room’ which should be a door to nowhere but wasn’t. 

The discussion they had had at Sasuke’s apartment wasn’t nearly as good as the one at Naruto’s. Maybe having Sasuke on a team with Naruto would help the boy… Time would only tell. 

...

* * *

...

By the time Naruto returned to their apartment later that day, Harry was busy making a full dinner for them. As he continued cooking, Naruto related everything that had happened after he’d returned to the Academy: the long wait, the practical joke—which earned a scolding in the fact that, “You could have done way better.”—and then the actual team meeting. 

Naruto was excited, in general, to be on a team. Sakura was smart and Sasuke was good, so, hopefully, they would balance out. At least that’s what Harry said to Naruto who was sulking since Sasuke was a bastard, and Sakura wouldn’t do anything except fangirling over the Last Uchiha. 

The simple word ‘Fangirl’ caused Harry to shudder for a moment. Fans were scary. 

“So what are you doing tomorrow?” Harry asked as he dished up the food before taking a seat himself. 

“We have another test, apparently,” Naruto dug into the food after speaking, mumbling his praises at the taste. 

“What do you know about the test so far?” 

His answer was a shrug. 

“Well, we should investigate. Get you prepared. Did your teacher give you anything?” 

Naruto perked up and dug into a pants pocket and produced the paper that Kakashi had given him. Harry read it over then scoffed. He rolled his eyes and then threw the paperback on the table. 

“You’re eating breakfast,” he stated plainly, “That’s just dumb. We,” He waved between them, “Know how important food is.” Naruto bobbed his head in agreement. “I’ll prepare a huge lunch for you to bring for sharing as well.” 

“Really?” Naruto perked up. 

“Yeah. Best way to make friends is through food.” Harry remembered fondly. Then added, “Well, when there aren’t trolls around, anyway.” 

Having heard that story, Naruto laughed. 

“I’ll make sure to pack plenty of sweets too.” Naruto cheered. 

...

* * *

...

The next morning Naruto showed up at Training Ground 7 with two scrolls in one hand and an apple in the other. Since he was going to eat anyway, he was going to be an asshole about it. 

“NARUTO, YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT! KAKASHI-SENSEI SAID SO!” Sakura screeched when she saw him, pointing rudely as well. 

Naruto winced at the volume, carefully rubbing at his ear with his scroll holding hand’s pointer finger. “Loud,” he muttered as well, dropping the scrolls on the ground as he moved into a warm-up position. 

“DON’T IGNORE ME!” The pink-haired menace yelled once more. Naruto was tempted to beam her in the head with his apple core. Instead, he threw it past her head and let The Prankster’s Grin (trademark) stretch his face. 

“I’m not ignoring you,” Naruto finally said as he continued to do some warm-up stretching, having learned from his investigation last night with Harry that Kakashi was always late—and he wasn’t going to waste that time just sitting around. If you have to time to sit, you have time to get fit! 

She waited to see if he would respond to her first sentence. He wouldn’t. 

Finally, “What are you doing, dobe?” Sasuke was watching as Naruto started doing sit-ups after he’d warmed up. 

“Don’t call me that, dattebayo,” Naruto replied automatically, “And I’m training. Kakashi-sensei is always late, at least that’s what most of the shinobi said when I asked them last night, so I’m not going to waste my time waiting for him.” 

There was the tiniest rise in Sasuke’s eyebrows at that. Then he got to his feet and stood over Naruto. 

“Spar with me,” demanded the Last Uchiha. 

Naruto laid flat on the ground, thinking about it for a moment… then sighed and got up. 

“You could have asked nicely,” He mumbled before moving away from where Sakura was still sitting, mouth in an O shape, before dropping into a stance. 

They sparred several times while waiting for Kakashi, but tried not to tire themselves out too much. At one point, after doing some cooldown activities, Naruto pulled over one of his scrolls and opened it. He released the seal that had ‘Snacks’ written above it in so Naruto would know what was in each seal. 

“Here, Genie-nii-chan made this for everyone,” He passed out a snack to his teammates—Sakura had even done a few spars and exercises with them. 

“We’re not supposed to eat,” Sakura put up a token protest, wanting the food so much more after having worked out a little. Not too much. Couldn’t get too sweaty in front of Sasuke. 

“Who cares?” Naruto replied as he dug into his snack. Sasuke grunted his approval, glad to fill his grumbling stomach. 

It was about an hour later that Kakashi finally showed up. 

About halfway through the bell test, Naruto realized that maybe working together would be better, like how he and Harry worked together on pranks, but it was too little too late and he wound up tied to a post. 

As Kakashi explained the purpose of the stone—something Naruto had learned last year from Harry—Naruto remained passive on the post. He had been carefully wiggling his arms in the ropes to try to get as his kunai pouch, sure that he’d be able to cut himself out. 

By the time Kakashi left so that they could eat lunch, though claiming that Naruto didn’t get any because he broke the rules (what RULES!? They were shinobi! Shinobi were supposed to break rules!), Naruto had managed to get his kunai into his hand. 

“Hah Hah!” He cried in victory. Sasuke and Sakura, who were eating lunch nearby, saw the kunai in his hand. Naruto continued to wiggle his arm against the post, wanting to get free so he could get to his scroll so he could eat lunch too, but froze when Sasuke stood up and cut the ropes himself. 

“Did you bring lunch too?” His dark eyes weren’t on Naruto, but the scroll the blond had brought. 

“Sasuke-kun, what are you doing?” Sakura demanded, but gently—this was her crush after all. 

“Setting Naruto free so he can get something to eat,” he deadpanned, “Kakashi said that we need to work together as a team.” Naruto muttered, “I knew that” under his breath and Sasuke gave him a look. “Naruto will work better with some food. That’s why he gave us food earlier and why I’m setting him free now.

“We need to work together.” Sasuke finished by putting his hand out to Naruto so they could shake on it. Naruto stared at the hand, then grinned and shook it. 

As he dove for his scroll and released the bentos that Harry had made for their lunch, Kakashi returned in a puff of shunshin smoke. 

“YOUUUUUU!!!” He shouted and the melodrama reminded Naruto strongly of his genie. 

“US!” Naruto shouted in reply, immune to such antics after two years with Harry. 

Kakashi faltered for a second but continued regardless, “You broke the rules! What do you have to say for yourselves!?” 

Sasuke looked ready to rant, at least much as an Uchiha could rant, and Sakura was quivering from the storm? That had appeared. Naruto assumed it was a genjutsu, but he was shit with those, so it was mere guesswork. 

He was the first to speak, however, what with the immunity to melodrama. “Cake?” he said, holding out that tier of the bento to Kakashi. “The sugars will help revive us so we can work as a team to kick your butt, sensei, dattebayo!” 

Kakashi faltered again and Naruto counted it as a win. Sakura stared and stifled a laugh at how unflappable Naruto seemed in the middle of the storm. Sasuke looked at Naruto in a new light. He was still an idiot, but maybe not so bad of a person. 

“Is…” Kakashi took a breath—this kid was ruining it for him, “Is that your final answer?” 

“Yeah, of course. I knew we needed to work together before I was tied to the post. Genie-nii-chan and I always did way better pranks whenever we worked together, ‘ttebayo. That’s how I thought about it. Sasuke helped cut me loose so we could refuel and work as a team to kick your butt. I already said that, Kakashi-sensei.” Naruto raised his brow, offering the cake to Sakura, who accepted it, and then held out the box of fruit to Sasuke, who accept his. Then Naruto offered the thermos of soup to Kakashi. “Soup?” 

Kakashi sighed hard, taking the thermos and sitting down with his team. “Fine. You pass.” He mumbled under his breath, opening the container. 

It took a moment for the words to sink in and once they did, Naruto shot up with a shout, cheering!

THEY’D PASSED!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... 
> 
> AN: Totally got stuck on the bell test and needed to do ‘research’… Also—My first non-song lyric chapter title. Movie quote this time.


	14. Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14 - “Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales.” 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> ... ... ...

_Watching Naruto after his graduation is sadly reminiscent of watching Teddy as he grew up, and then my friends and family every time I was let out of the lamp. They never saw me, but I kept tabs on them._

_He’s growing up._

_Time is passing._

_And I wonder when I’ll be stuck back inside my lamp…_

...

* * *

...

The next few weeks of Harry and Naruto's life were filled with lots of work and training... and, unfortunately, D-ranks. It was nice because Naruto was getting paid, but it was bad because Harry had to deal with Naruto complaining constantly about them.

At that moment, Naruto was actually draped over the counter in Harry’s shop, going on about how boring it was to just squat in the dirt and paint that woman’s fence. 

“Genie-nii-chan, it was MIND NUMBING!” For all that Naruto was immune to other people’s melodrama, he certainly wasn’t above having his own. “We were there for HOURS!”

Naruto flopped onto his stomach and then yanked up part of his jacket. 

“And look. JUST LOOK! I got paint on my new ninja clothes!” Harry deigned to look at that moment. His eyes traveled for the quite large chunk of paint to Naruto face and then back to the paint. 

“I’ll get it out later,” Harry dismissed with a wave of his hand, returning his eyes to his notebook. 

Naruto let a heavy pout form. “I got it in my hair too.” 

“We can always cut it.” 

Silence followed. 

A few moments later Naruto spoke up again. 

“I tried to use my shadow clones in the beginning.” 

Harry didn’t even bother holding in his snort. “How did Kakashi take that?” 

“Not very good…” Naruto grumbled, arms dangling over the counter. “I told him how it would be so easy with a couple dozen of me, and was about to say the jutsu—I’d molded the chakra and everything—when he hit me on the head and told me to knock it off!” 

Harry quirked a brow and chuckled outright at his lamp holder. “Did he explain why?” 

That pout of the blond’s got deeper, “Said we wouldn’t learn team-building if my clones just took care of everything.”

Harry nodded along with Kakashi’s statement, reiterated through Naruto. “He has a point,” he aimed his pencil at Naruto, “You three will never fucking learn to work together if you don’t actually. Ya know. WORK TO-GET-HER.” He stressed the syllables harshly to really drive the argument home. 

“I know, I know,” Naruto waved his hand, rolling onto his back on the counter. “It’s just so boring and takes so much longer when just the three of us do iiiiitttttt…..” the last word was groaned out. 

“And Kakashi-sensei doesn’t even help!” Naruto flailed his arms, “He just hides off in a tree or on a roof or in a bush or –what the fuck is wrong with that man!?” 

“Language, Blondie, for fuck’s sake.” 

“UGH, Whatever! Sensei is never paying attention! He’s just reading that pervy book of his! Even if it’s orange, it’s still a nasty book! It’s degrading the color orange!” Naruto smashed his fist into his other hand in righteous indignation. 

Harry hummed and merely nodded along. He started to tune out his lamp holder then, returning to his work as Naruto went on and on. He’d heard the same things yesterday anyway. 

...

* * *

...

Sasuke and Naruto had just finished a friendly spar and were drinking back some special water that Harry had prepared for them—said it had some vitamins and shit in it. Harry had called it, ‘Alligator Water’ or something stupid like that. Naruto just knew he felt better after drinking some. 

Anyway, they had just finished sparring when Kakashi finally arrived. Naruto didn’t bother shouting like Sakura did and simply hurled his empty bottle at Kakashi’s head. Sadly, Kakashi dodged and Naruto had to go get his bottle afterward, grumbling about stupid senseis. 

“We have a new mission today, ducklings,” Kakashi stated, smiling behind his mask. At least, of course, it looked like a smile, but with three-fourths of Kakashi’s face covered, it was really hard to tell. 

Kakashi’s statement got silence for the two S-named children and weak ‘Yaay’ from Naruto. 

That killed Kakashi’s smile, causing the elite Jounin to pout. 

“Mou, a little more excitement would be nice. We haven’t done this type of mission before.” 

Now that did perk up Naruto a bit and when he asked what the mission was, Kakashi just waved for them to follow. 

Naruto quickly cleaned up his stuff, putting it back into a scroll—and the scroll into his hip pouch—and ran to catch up with his team. 

They made their way into the town center before stepping off to the side near an alleyway. Here is where Kakashi explained the mission. 

Grocery shopping. 

“Oh, come on, that’s easy!” Naruto complained, even as he went through the seals for his second favorite jutsu. 

In a cloud of smoke, there appeared the tall, buxom Naruto. This one was, of course, clothed. Also, there were no whisker marks in sight. In fact, it didn’t REALLY Look like Naruto, just… A buxom, blond teen. 

“Where’s the list, Kakashi-san?” The cutesy voice that came out of that body was too much for Kakashi to stand and he stumbled backward, turning away with a hand over his mouth to hold in the blood that was gushing from his nose. 

Sasuke had also turned away, eyes wide. He never expected that from his teammate he was just starting to think was a decent human being. Oh Naruto, you just went back to square one with him. 

“NARUTO!” Sakura screeched, face a blotchy red, “WHAT IS THAT!? WHY ARE YOU USING THAT PERVERTED JUTSU” 

“Eeehhh~?” Naruto tilted his—er. Her head to the side. “This isn’t a perverted jutsu, this is just my modified henge.” Her voice was calm as she explained, twirling a piece of hair around her finger. 

“BUT WHY!?” Sakura yelled once more. 

“Her question is valid, Naruto-chan,” Kakashi had finally regained a level of control over himself, but he refused to look at Naruto. “Why do you look like that?” 

Naruto pouted, giving off a little whine. It attracted the attention of a few in the street. 

“I always go grocery shopping like this with Genie-nii-chan,” Naruto hmphed, stomping her dainty foot. 

Kakashi stifled a sigh, flustered, “But that still doesn’t explain why.” 

Now it was Naruto’s turn to sigh. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and looked towards her sensei—who was still taller than her, despite the height this jutsu gave her. “I’ll have Genie-nii-chan explain, he’s better at it.” 

Three things happened at once then. 

First: Naruto shouted for Harry, summoning him. 

Second: Maito Gai arrived, having spotted Kakashi at the mouth of the alley. He had shouted a simple greeting of, “MY RIVAL!” 

And lastly, Harry appeared in what was becoming his signature green smoke with gold sparkles. 

It was Harry’s appearance that froze everyone, as per usual. 

Naruto had braced himself for some ridiculous genie style get up, but he was not prepared for what Harry was actually wearing. 

The first thing they all noticed with the surprisingly smooth legs. Lots of leg. Harry was in fucking white short shorts! On his feet were bright blue HEELS, of all things, and up top? A double-breasted military style blazer. The ensemble was topped off with a military-style hat on his head, his dark curls cascading down in a luscious river of glory, or something. 

Harry was posed side profile with one arm behind his back, fingers splayed, and the other hand was outstretched towards Naruto, Kakashi, and Gai since they were at the mouth of the alley. The outstretched hand was also splayed, twisting slowly until Harry was pointing at Naruto. 

Then Harry softly sang out a single line in a foreign language, “Soweoneul malhae bwa~!” 

Everyone was frozen. 

Harry, realizing that Naruto wasn’t alone and this was his first meeting with the rest of Naruto’s team blushed the faintest pink. It almost set off Kakashi’s nosebleed again. 

Finally, Naruto let go of his henge and stuttered a shout at his genie, “WH-WH-WHAT THE FUCK GENIE-NII-CHAN!!!” 

Harry dropped his pose at the same time as he dropped his jaw. Then he put his a fist on his hips and wagged a finger at Naruto. 

“Watch your fucking mouth, Blondie,” His deep voice in contrast with both his outfit and look, the delicate, feminine teen, is what finally snapped the two jounin into action. 

Naruto muttered, “Hypocrite,” while Kakashi cleared his throat. 

This brought Harry’s attention to the jounin, a glare directed at him. 

“The fuck do you want?” 

Kakashi’s single eye went wide, “Are you… Genie-chan?” 

“My name is Harry.” 

This brought Sakura out of her unmoving state. 

“Harry-san!?” She squeaked, getting a good look at her—er. His? … at Harry’s face. 

Harry opened his mouth to reply, but the newest person in the group shouted over him. 

“WHAT A BEAUTY! A YOUTHFUL WIT COMBINED WITH A SHARP TONGUE TO MATCH HER NAME!” Maito Gai spoke at his normal volume—a shout—and prostrated himself before Harry. 

Harry, instantly afraid of this man, took several steps back. The tiny man was surprisingly at ease with his heels too and didn’t stumble at all. 

“Stop him before I do,” Harry warned flatly, eyes wide behind his glasses, locked onto the terrifying man. Then what Gai actually said registered in his brain and he leaned forward with a deadly glare. “Hey, I’m not a girl! AND MY NAME DOESN’T MEAN NEEDLE!” 

Gai would not be deterred. 

He crawled forward on his knees and snapped up one of Harry’s hands before he could get farther away. 

Everyone else was watching the proceedings with wide eyes. Naruto had never seen Harry flustered like this. Sakura and Sasuke had no idea what was going on. Kakashi had never seen Gai act like THIS. Act crazy? Yes. Crazy ….in LOVE? No. 

“MAN OR WOMAN MEANS NOTHING TO ME, MY YOUTHFUL BEAUTY!” Gai clutched Harry’s hand to his chest, “PLEASE, TELL THIS UNWORTHY GENTLEMAN WHAT YOUR MOST ASTOUNDING NAME MEANS.” 

Harry looked from everyone in the group and the few lookers-on at the mouth of the alley. Finally, in a flat voice, he said, “Protector. Or commander.” 

“A NAME SO PERFECT FOR THE FUTURE LIFE PARTNER OF THIS MOST HANDSOME AND MANLY SHINOBI!” 

“I will hurt him if someone doesn’t stop him,” Harry spoke over Gai’s continued praise of him. But no one was willing to step in. In fact, Kakashi found the whole thing rather amusing. 

Eventually, Harry did as promised. He turned his hand around in the hand of Gai and with a judicial application of magic, squeezed the elite jounin’s hand. 

Gai finally shut up. 

“That’s what I thought,” said Harry once Gai was quiet, tone sweet. “Listen, arsehole, I’m not interested. So keep it in your pants.” 

“Beautiful Harry,” Gai smiled despite the colors his hand was turning, “Your physical prowess only stirs the fires of my desire for you more. You are perfect. A manly protector for this manly shinobi.” 

Harry let go of Gai’s hand quickly and stumbled away once more before disappearing in a crack, a loud, “NOPE!” Left in his place. 

Maito Gai stared at the spot where Harry had been and frowned… But then he smiled. 

“A YOUTHFUL CHASE!” and he jumped up onto a roof, running off to wherever he thought Harry might be. 

Silence filled the alleyway in the wake of the pair’s departure before Kakashi finally started again, “So our mission…” 

...

* * *

...

Team Seven pulled themselves into the Mission office after once again completing a Tora mission. Sakura was holding the cat tightly while Naruto was applying a salve, made by Harry, to Sasuke’s hand. 

Within a few minutes, Kakashi and Sakura were back with a new mission and Sasuke’s hand had some nice bandages. 

“What’s the next mission, Sensei?” Naruto asked, sealing away his first aid supplies. Sasuke even grunted a quiet thanks to Naruto. Progress! After losing it all on the dreaded Grocery Mission. 

Kakashi, having already read over the scroll, merely eye-smiled at his team. 

“Come, ducklings, ‘tis a series of retrieval and delivery missions! All for the same client.” With that Kakashi led the way out of the Mission’s Office and to the client’s shop. 

… Harry’s shop. 

“GENIE-NII-CHAN YOU ORDERED A MISSION?” Naruto stomped into the shop, arms up in a rage. 

Harry allowed a benign smile onto his face, rising to his feet and setting down yet another notebook. 

“Ahh, the genie team I ordered. Yes, Blondie, I ordered a mission.” And that smile morphed into The Prankster’s Grin (trademark).

While Naruto raged more, Sakura stepped forward and bowed. 

“Harry-san, what is the mission?” 

“So sweet~,” crooned Harry, pulling out two scrolls. He opened one to reveal a list, the other opened and showed a bunch of numbered seals. “What I need you to do is to pick up and deliver a bunch of orders I had for my shop.” 

Harry paused, pointing to the first scroll. “These are the locations of the drop-offs and pickups. After a drop-off, you use that scroll to go to a pickup and seal the item they need to be fixed. Put the scroll back in the same numbered seal you took it from.

“Understand?” He looked at the kids, not Kakashi, as he said this. Each kid nodded, though Naruto’s was done begrudgingly. “Good, off you go then. Naruto can open the seals.” Harry snapped his fingers and the scrolls rolled back up. He handed the list to Sakura, since she had asked, the scroll of seals to Naruto and shooed them out of the shop. 

Harry didn’t expect to see Kakashi lounging about in his shop after he sent the kiddies off, though. 

“Hello, Kakashi.” Harry returned to his counter, and stood there, resuming his writing. 

Kakashi was unphased by the lack of honorific. Sasuke never used them either. Or other shinobi too. Plus Kakashi was kind of rude himself. 

“Hello, Harry.” Kakashi pulled out his book and leaned against the counter, but his eyes weren’t on it. No, his eyes were on what Harry was writing. 

“That’s a story,” Kakashi finally said, having read the whole two pages he could see. He was impressed. It was a good story. 

Harry looked up, annoyed. “Yes, it is.” His tone was also annoyed, “Why were you reading it.” 

“I’m a nosy bastard.” 

“Well, at least you’re honest about it.” Harry dropped his pencil and slapped the notebook shut. Kakashi had the gall to smile. 

“So why are you writing a story? From that list, your shop seems to do decent business… and the Hokage had informed me that you wouldn’t want for money.” 

Harry snorted a laugh, moving his braid over his shoulder and folding his arms over his chest. 

“Scherezad-ie had a thousand tales, and I have a few of my own too.” 

Kakashi looked befuddled, mouthing that name to himself. 

“Not to mention,” Continued Harry with a wave of his hand, “Most of the fiction is this town is smut, or terrible, or both.” His eyes landed on the book still in Kakashi’s hand, signaling what he thought of it. 

Kakashi let out a low gasp, holding his precious close to his chest. Harry grinned. 

“So you’re going to publish it then?” Kakashi finally posed the question he’d thought earlier. 

“Maybe,” Harry shrugged, leaning back onto his counter and opening the notebook. “It’s something to pass the time, for now. It’s interesting…” Harry spoke softly, more to himself than to Kakashi, “Writing in this other language…” 

A silver brow raised at that, but Kakashi didn’t push. 

They remained in companionable silence while the Team did the mission. Once they return, Harry gave them a scroll with treats. Naruto cheered. 

...

* * *

...

The mission that day was making Naruto grumble, more so than usual when they did menial work. 

Sakura finally got fed up and asked him why. 

“Because!” Naruto started, sounding upset, “These aren’t weeds!” He waved a plant in her face that he had just pulled from the client’s garden. A plant that the client didn’t want in their garden. 

“What do you mean?” Sasuke spoke up, looking at the plant. A closer look made the plant seem a bit more familiar. 

“Genie-nii-chan says that this plant is Kingsfoil,” explained Naruto, putting it in a pile with a bunch of similar looking plants. He’d been doing that with all of the plants they’d been pulling. A bunch had wound up in the trash bag, but an equal pile had wound up in a basket Naruto had unsealed about 30 minutes into the mission. “It’s great for surface wounds that have been poisoned.” 

Sakura, who prided herself on her book knowledge, was taken aback with shock. She looked at the plant in her hand and then at Naruto’s piles. 

“Is this one good too?” 

Naruto leaned over to look at her hand and nodded. “Helps with burns. And those,” he pointed to his second-largest pile, “Make good teas. Healing and otherwise, according to Genie-nii-chan.”

“Why are you keeping them?” Sasuke demanded, “The client wanted us to just throw them away.” 

“Well,” Naruto hesitated, “I was going to ask Kakashi-sensei if I could ask the client if I could keep ‘em. Genie-nii-chan and I do a lot of gardening.” Gardening had been one of the things he said he liked to do in his introduction, after all. He was beaming proudly at this declaration. 

From behind them popped up a voice, “That’s a good idea. I’ll ask for you, Naruto-chan.” Kakashi, who had been there for just that statement, stalked off to the client’s house to talk to them. 

Meanwhile, Naruto was left clutching his chest, having been scared witless by Kakashi’s sudden appearance. 

...

* * *

...

FINALLY, MISSION WHERE KAKASHI WOULD ALLOW NARUTO TO USE HIS SHADOW CLONES! 

They had to clean a training field. Pick up all of the equipment and disable the traps that had been left out, so that the environmental team could come out and fix the terrain from all of the jutsus. 

Kakashi explained that using the shadow clones to find the traps would be a great use of that jutsu. 

Naruto was just excited to show off. 

He easily summoned three dozen and sent them off to set off or dismantle traps. In the meantime, the Team started to pick up the discarded weapons. 

Naruto unsealed some buckets and handed them out, the Team well use to the fact that Naruto’s scrolls had just about everything you could ever need in them. 

They’d been at it for about an hour when suddenly Sakura screamed. She was hoisted up into the air, spilling her bucket, and getting wrapped up in wire. 

Naruto shouted her name and quickly made his way over, carefully disabling the trap and letting her out. A dull red spread up from her neck. 

“You should watch where you’re going Sakura-chan,” Naruto chided once she was out, helping her pick up the spilled bucket. 

Words that would bite him in the ass not 20 minutes later when he wound up strung up as well. 

He laughed sheepishly as both of his teammates helped him down from the trap. Sasuke muttered an almost affectionate sounding, “Dobe,” which Naruto didn’t bother correcting. 

After they were finished with the mission, Naruto decided to approach their sensei. They’d just dropped off all of the weapons with the Smithy so the metal could be melted down and reused. Sakura and Sasuke had left for the day and Naruto was left alone with Kakashi. 

“Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto began tentatively. 

“What is it, Naruto-chan?” Kakashi didn’t even bother to look up from his book. This one had a green cover. Naruto’s face curled with disgust, but he forged on with his question. 

“I was wondering, sensei if you could help me with my taijutsu.” Before Kakashi could say anything, Naruto rambled on, “It’s just that before missions, you’re never there to watch us do our training, and when you DO watch our training you never actually help us, or at least not ME. You have plenty to say to Sakura-chan and Sasuke, ‘ttebayo, but nothing to really help me. 

“I know that my taijutsu isn’t the greatest. I can only beat Sasuke if we keep going for a long time. I merely outlast him! I’m not GOOD at Taijutsu, sensei!” Naruto flushed as he said that, hands clenched into fists at his side. “So please, Kakashi-sensei, help me.” 

Kakashi was speechless. He never thought Naruto would come right out and say that. And a part of Kakashi felt so guilty since he had been ignoring his sensei’s son… but even after 12 years, it was still painful to look at him. 

“I’m…. sorry, Naruto-chan,” Kakashi choked out the words, tucking away his book. Any hope that Naruto had was simply crushed with those words and his whole body reflected his mood, down to his sagging hair. 

“Naruto-chan,” Kakashi put a hand on Naruto’s drooping shoulder, “I’m not a taijutsu specialist. But I know someone who is. And if you ask them nicely… it’s possible he could give you some tips.” 

Like a bipolar polar bear, Naruto’s mood did a 180. 

“Maito Gai.” 

And once more, Naruto’s mood plummeted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... 
> 
> AN: The weeds being useful plants in a garden was an idea I got from a fanfic by Lucillia, “The Demon and the Dead Man.” Also, I've had the SNSD scene in my head since before I started writing this lol.


	15. Can your friends go poof?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 15 - “Can your friends go poof?” 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> … … …

_I’m starting to think that Naruto becoming a genin was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, after the lamp._

_But I can’t get angry._

_Because that little asshole is just so fucking happy._

...

* * *

...

The time that Naruto spent outside of the apartment they shared had increased exponentially since he became a genin, and even more so in the last two months since he started to receive extra training. 

Normally, Harry would just chase him down and spend time with him, but Naruto wasn’t hiding from people now. He was training, making friends, expanding his horizons. It made Harry happy, but it was a little lonely too. 

“Maybe I should make friends of my own?” Harry mused aloud to himself, placing his pencil between his upper lip and nose. His chin was propped up on a hand in his boredom. After two years, he was really used to Naruto’s presence being nearby. 

_Sssssspeaker_ a voice came from the floor of Harry’s shop. He leaned forward and saw a familiar snake. 

“Ah. You’re one of Anko’s.” Harry came around the edge of the counter and offered a hand for the snake. It slithered onto it, flexing itself around his wrist to stay in place. 

“If you’re here, then…” and he looked up. Sure enough, there she was in all her glory, silhouetted against his doorway. 

“Genie-chan!” Anko shouted and moved to pounce. Expecting this, Harry sidestepped. 

“How can I help you, Anko?—wait, don’t answer that.” He tacked on, seeing the look on her face. She responded by pouting. 

“What are you doing here?” There, that was a much safer question. 

“No reason.” 

“There’s always a reason.” 

“I wanted to see your pretty face? My beautiful Lipstick.” She even had the audacity to caress his cheek. Harry slapped away her hand. 

“Stop calling me that. My name is Harry, I’m a man, and I am not your Lipstick.” 

“I’ve told you Genie-chan, I won’t belie—“

“Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up.” Despite his words, there was no heat in it. Harry returned to his seat behind the counter, carefully depositing the snake on the surface. 

“You’re not your usual self today,” Anko came forward, picking up her snake and petting it. 

Harry pulled a face and simply shrugged, retrieving his pencil but merely spinning it around. 

Anko observed Harry for a while before smacking a hand down. “You need to get out more,” she declared, “Let’s go drinking.” 

“Anko, it’s two in the afternoon.” 

“Who cares? It’s never too early to get sloshed.” She physically hauled him out of his seat—an easy task, because she was a ninja and Harry was short. Plus he didn’t put up much of a fight. 

Though he didn’t appreciate being carried through the town like a sack of potatoes. 

...

* * *

...

Anko wasn’t wrong, going out drinking with her friends was helpful with Harry’s mood. 

Unfortunately, that mood was shattered that evening when Naruto returned home, declaring that he finally had a C-rank mission and that they were leaving the village!

Harry’s reaction to the news wasn’t what Naruto was expecting. 

“Genie-nii-chan,” Naruto hesitated, reaching out a hand towards Harry, “I thought you’d be excited for me.” 

It took a minute for Harry to reboot and he forced a smile for his lamp holder. 

“I am excited… for you.” ‘Just not very excited for me,’ was the rest of that sentence that he didn’t say to Naruto. He’d already spoken to Sarutobi about this eventuality a few weeks ago, about two months after Naruto passed his genin exam since it was something Harry had been worried about. 

But. … but The Hokage said that it wouldn’t happen for several months, not ONE. 

Asshole. 

“No you’re not,” Naruto stated plainly, setting down his chopsticks. “You’re upset. I can tell. You’re my Genie-nii-chan and I can tell.” 

Harry managed a real smile at that. “You are quite observant, Naruto.” 

Blue eyes went wide with the use of his real name, not the nicknames they’d given to each other the first day they met. 

“Naruto, I can’t be far from my lamp,” Harry began the explanation, said lamp being summoned to the table. “Nor can I be far from my lamp holder.” 

“Because someone else could take the lamp?” 

“No, because it physically hurts.” 

Naruto’s eyes went wider, jaw-dropping open. 

“It’s all part and parcel of the whole genie gig,” Harry quoted, not that Naruto knew, and huffed a laugh at himself. “When you leave the village, Blondie, I have to go with.” 

For some reason, Naruto got super excited about this. 

“But I’ll be stuck inside my lamp,” Harry looked off to the side, not willing to see how Naruto’s face crumbled, “Hokage’s orders.” 

“WHAT!! WHAT IS JIJJI THINKING, DATTEBAYO!?” Naruto began to rage, but Harry placed a delicate hand on his arm to stop him. 

“He’s thinking about the village, Blondie,” Harry quirked a smile, “It’d look pretty bad if your team touted around a civilian looking bloke such as myself.” 

“But you’re powerful!” Naruto countered, however, Harry just shrugged. 

“I’m not a shinobi of the village. I just became a civilian little over half a year ago.” 

“But—“ 

“It doesn’t matter,” Harry said flatly, “I will go into my lamp when you leave the village tomorrow. And you will take my lamp with you. Don’t seal it, just carry me on your belt.” Harry presented Naruto with a special clip, “This will make sure it doesn’t fall.” 

Naruto accepted it, turning it over. He could see runes and feel Harry’s magic in it. Looking down, and sniffing hard, Naruto nodded and clipped it to his pants. 

“I’ll take care of it, dattebayo.” 

“I know you will,” Harry reached over and ruffled Naruto’s hair. “Now, tell me more about this mission.” 

...

* * *

...

The next morning, Harry walked with Naruto to the gates of Konoha. It was early, to make sure that no one else would be there to see. Naruto had a small pack on his back that just held scrolls and a water canteen that Harry had enchanted, because why the fuck not. 

They stood there, staring at each other awkwardly. The night before Harry had helped make sure that Naruto had plenty of things in his Mary Poppins’ scrolls, as Harry called them. He had also taught Naruto how to send Harry into the lamp. He didn’t like showing him how, but it needed to be done. 

Now all Harry could really think to say was… 

“Don’t fuck up and die.” 

Naruto looked completely exasperated. “Very reassuring, Genie-nii-chan.” 

“I thought so,” chirped Harry, feeling the cold chill of Death at his back. 

“You said…” Naruto licked his lips, looking at his feet as he fished for how to say this, “You said… that time goes by quickly in the lamp, right?” 

Harry nodded when Naruto looked up for confirmation. 

“Then it will be over before you know it! I’ll see you soon, Nii-san.” Naruto rushed forward and gave Harry a tight hug before commanding him back into his lamp. 

There was a small sucking sound, then Harry dissolved into a cloud and was gone inside the lamp. 

Looking around at the space that was essentially his prison, he flopped onto a couch. 

“Can your friends go poof?” Harry leaned his head back on the couch, staring at Death who had joined him inside of the lamp. 

WELL, LOOKY HERE.

The sound of thousands of people dying as Death said that line made Harry burst out laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... 
> 
> AN: I was going to include the whole Wave Arc in one chapter, but I wanted to post something AND I haven’t fully decided, plot-wise, what happens. So you get this shorty. Enjoy?


	16. You ain’t never had a friend like me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> ... ... ...

_97 bottles of Firewhiskey on the lamp… 97 bottles of Firewhiskey! You take one down, pass it around…_

... ... ... 

When the rest of the team started to trickle towards the gate, it was to the sight of Naruto staring at a vase of some sort morosely. 

Not used to seeing Naruto acting like this, Sakura approached him first. 

“What’s wrong Naruto?” she asked cautiously. 

Naruto whipped his head up and plastered on his fake smile. The fake smile that hadn’t been seen in two years since Harry had appeared in Naruto’s life. 

“Nothing’s wrong Sakura-chan!” Sasuke frowned at his tone. It was faker than his smile was. “We waiting for Kakashi-sensei?” And without waiting for a response, Naruto tossed down his backpack and started to do some one-handed push-ups. “I’ll just do this while we wait, dattebayo!” 

Sakura was a little shocked. That was… Not the recent Naruto—her teammate that she’d gotten to know over the past three months. That was Academy Naruto. Helplessly, she looked over to Sasuke. He was staring at his teammate, eyes narrowed… but silent. 

Finally, once Kakashi showed up—and only 35 minutes late, it was a record—it was to Naruto doing cross-body sit-ups. 

Kakashi stared for a moment, but then just shrugged. 

“Let’s get going. Sasuke-chan, you take point. Sakura-chan, walk with Tazuna-san, then Naruto-chan behind. I’ll bring up the rear.” Kakashi then waved them into formation and, after presenting their papers to the gate guard, they were off. 

About an hour into the journey, Sakura finally asked Naruto the question that had been on her mind since she first saw Naruto with it. “What’s with the vase?” 

“It’s a lamp,” Naruto snapped in return, putting a hand on it possessively as if hiding it from her sight. “I mean---eh-heeee….” He laughed sheepishly, having nothing to say in response, and just rubbed the back of his head. 

“You’re a little young to be bringing alcohol along on the journey,” Tazuna provided, taking a swig from his own jug of sake. 

“It’s not alcohol!” Naruto snapped again, whining a bit afterward. “Just forget it. It’s --… It’s something from my Genie-nii-chan, okay?” 

Sasuke shot a look over his shoulder at the group talking, then went back to his job of being ‘on point’ of their formation. 

“If it’s a keepsake or memento, Naruto-chan, you should keep it in your bag. Especially one of that size,” chimed in Kakashi, eyes glued to a blue book this time. 

Looking down to Harry’s lamp, and the clip that secured it to his belt, Naruto shook his head. “No, Kakashi-sensei. It’ll be fine. I gotta keep it here.” 

Kakashi looked up at Naruto, then down to the lamp and just shrugged his shoulders. Naruto would be sorry when it broke off later and he lost it. 

Meanwhile, back in Konoha, Sarutobi found a misplaced letter on his desk. 

“Oh,” he mused, “I forgot to send this to Kakashi… Eh, Naruto-kun can explain it.” And he incinerated it with a small Katon jutsu. 

… … … … … … … … … ….

“26 bottles of Firewhiskey on the lamp, 26 bottles of Firewhiskey!” Harry groaned, covering his face. “I hate it in here.” He dropped his arms and glared over at Death who was still inside the lamp with him. “Don’t you have somewhere more important to be?” 

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN YOU, MASTER. 

Harry just glared… and sluggishly went back to singing. 

… … … … … … … … … ….

Gradually, Harry became aware of a power building outside of his lamp. He sat up with a start and went over to the lamp wall, putting his hands against it. 

“Naruto…” He whispered, curling his hands into fists. There wasn’t anything he could do from inside his lamp, but Naruto hadn’t summoned him outside of it either. 

‘This is why I didn’t want to come to care for people anymore…’ Harry thought, ‘My saving people thing won’t let me leave them alone, but this fucking lamp means I have to!’ He smashed his fists against the lamp wall and just waited. 

The power died down, eventually, and Harry was left wondering what was going on with his lamp holder. 

Thankfully, at the moment that Harry couldn’t take it anymore, Harry felt himself being called. 

He came out of the lamp, wand in hand, immediately assessing the situation around him. They were on a bridge. He could see Death lurking about. There were tons of blood and rubble. A large group of people to the back of them. Snow?

“Genie-nii-chan!” Naruto clung onto Harry’s side, “Do something!” Harry looked to Naruto then followed his hand where he was pointing. “You can heal them, can’t you!? You healed Iruka-sensei before, you can heal him, too!” 

“Naruto, what the—“ Kakashi began, asking who the hell this person was to appear like that, forgetting about the guardian Sarutobi had explained that one day three months ago, and the magic he’d seen that day too, in his fatigue from battle. Not to mention that one D-rank…

Harry, however, was watching Death. His wand hand was shaking slightly, ready to shoot off what spells he knew but watching Death…

“I can’t, Blondie,” Harry flicked his wand away and turned, not wanting to see Death at work. 

“WHAT!?” Naruto rounded on Harry, ignoring his sensei. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T!? YOU’RE A GENIE, YOU HAVE MAGIC—YOU!!” There was a roughness in Naruto’s voice. It was obvious he’d been crying for a while.

“Thank you, Blondie, shouting my secrets to the world,” Harry rolled his eyes, turning back to his upset lamp holder. “Magic won’t solve all your problems. I’m sorry, but they’re both far beyond my capabilities.” 

“But!” Naruto pleaded, clinging onto Harry’s shirt, “They…” He buried his head into Harry’s chest and Harry wrapped his arms around him tight. 

“He said… it was always snowing where he’s from.” 

“Who?” 

“Haku.” 

Harry just nodded, despite being confused. Kakashi, however, had something to say. 

“Harry-san, right?” Harry looked up, “How did you get here so fast?” 

Mood ruiner.

“He ain’t never had a friend like me.”

Kakashi didn’t know how to respond so that while Naruto laughed, the sound mixing into his tears. 

… … … … … … … … … ….

Later, once they had a moment, Harry explained. 

“You know, I thought The Hokage was going to explain all of this to you, Kakashi,” Harry gave the teacher a weird look. They had reconvened at Tazuna’s house for the night and planned on burying their fellow shinobi the next day. 

“Hmm…” Kakashi pondered, tapping a finger against his cloth-covered chin. “I wonder why he didn’t…” 

Back in Konoha, Sarutobi sneezed. 

“Probably just forgot. Ji-chan is old,” Naruto supplied, slurping up some of the ramen that he had unsealed from one of his many Mary Poppins’ scrolls. 

“Naruto, you shouldn’t talk about the Hokage like that!” Sakura scolded, but Naruto kept eating. 

“Soooo… I didn’t really think that I’d be summoned on your first mission, eh, Blondie.” Harry nudged his lamp holder with his elbow, earning a real smile from him—something that had been missing since the mission began. 

“How…” Sakura hesitated, “How did that work exactly? I know what you explained to Sensei, but…” 

Harry stared at Sakura until she started to feel uncomfortable, then said the simple answer: “Magic.” 

… … … … … … … … … ….

Harry stuck around for the funeral, using his magic to dig the graves. He also, after having spent a few hours hearing the story from Naruto, threw several charms on the sword so that it would remain what it had become: a headstone. 

Then Harry had to return to the lamp for the journey home. Even though their mission was over, it’s just the way it had to be. 

Inside of the lamp, Harry once more saw Death waiting for him. There was a long silence. Or a short one. Time was irrelevant inside of the lamp. 

YOU COULD HAVE SAVED THEM. 

It was the sound of a single, long, gong that marked Death’s voice this time, actually causing Harry to wince. 

YOU ARE MY MASTER. 

Harry remained silent. 

YOU COULD HAVE SAVED THEM.

…

WHY DIDN’T YOU?

Harry threw an accusatory glare at Death. 

“Do you really want to know?” Harry huffed sigh, flopping onto a couch he had materialized in his lamp, “Because they wanted to die. To go. Together.” He draped an arm over his face, his voice muffled with his last sentence. “Who am I to deny them that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... 
> 
> AN: I had to.


	17. Straight into the heart of the matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> ... ... ...

... ... ... 

_I hate waiting. Waiting sucks._

… … … … … … … … … ….

It felt like just a few hours or maybe minutes? Perhaps it had been only seconds that had passed before Harry could feel Naruto rubbing on the lamp once more. 

He reformed, in his normal brown and green tunic plus trousers, to find that they were in their apartment. 

Harry glanced around and gave an unimpressed snap, vanishing the dust. Then he went over to the windows and pushed them open, Naruto doing the same to the other windows. A wave of his hand and a breeze started to blow the stale air through the rooms. 

It was awkwardly domestic, considering how Naruto had been feeling when Harry had gone into the lamp, and Harry's inability to know how much time had passed. 

Despite feeling tense--the lamp always felt tense--Harry forged on and flopped to the floor near the low table they sometimes did work at. 

"So, how long did it take to get home, Blondie?" requested the genie, acting as casual as possible. 

Naruto stared then grinned, throwing himself down next to Harry, sprawling his upper half over the table. 

"Just over a day. We used our 'leet ninja skills' to get back quicker." 

Harry nodded, having already asked about the time discrepancy back in Wave, and able to figure it out. 

The pair lounged in companionable silence before Harry posed the question, "Hungry?" 

Naruto nodded, "I could eat." 

Another long moment passed before Harry offered, "Ramen?" 

Naruto shouted in joy. 

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

They arrived at Ichiraku quickly, Naruto shouting an order for 5 bowls of Miso and Harry asking for his "usual": a dish that made Naruto cringe. 

"How can you EAT ramen like that!? It's SACRILEGE!" Naruto declared, pointing at the abomination that Harry stated was 'simply delectable'. 

Teuchi laughed at their antics, like usual.

It took about 45 minutes before Naruto ate his fill, Harry's overly filled bowl long since emptied of the deliciousness that was Japanese Ramen. 

Using his chopstick, Naruto poked at the pepper that remained at the bottom of his bowl and a tiny of broth. 

"Hey, Teuchi-jii-chan?" Naruto spoke up, voice and actions somber--a huge contrast to how he usually acted. Harry glanced at his lamp holder, taking a guess at what the topic might be. 

"Yes, Naruto-kun?" Teuchi replied, setting down what he was doing to lean against the counter near where Naruto was seated. 

"How..." the hesitation was so clear: in Naruto's hunched shoulders, in his weak voice, the way he kept his eyes on the counter.”How do you grieve someone?" 

Teuchi blinked wide, looking to Harry, who nodded, then back to Naruto. So something had happened... The rumor mill said, but it was nice to have confirmation. 

"Did you know the person well?" Teuchi hedged for more information, watching Harry slip out of the ramen stand, leaving Naruto to his private conversation with the ramen chef. 

Naruto shook his head, shoulders still hunched. "But I understood him really well. The way he was like... I-... I understood that a lot." 

"Well," How to explain to a 12-year-old ninja about death? "Everyone has their time--" 

"I know that!" snapped Naruto. Then he winced and muttered an apology, and tried again. "I know that, I know we all have to die, that everyone will eventually die. But... I've never grieved someone before." Naruto let out a morose sigh, poking his chopsticks this time that lay flat over the top of his bowl. "I feel... so sad." 

"Have you spoke to Harry-san about this?" Teuchi asked, looking to the empty bowl Harry had left behind, and a stack of money as well. 

"No... well," Naruto shrugged, "A bit, but... Genie-nii-chan isn't a shinobi, and doesn't know much about shinobi either... but you've been in Konoha for, like, ever. So you must know how I can grieve another shinobi." 

"I wouldn't know much about how shinobi grieve, Naruto-kun. I'm not a shinobi." Naruto opened his mouth to say something, but Teuchi held up his hand to stop him. "I have had friends who were shinobi though, who died, so I do know something of grief." Naruto closed his mouth and sat back, intent to listen. 

"Whenever I have a friend or even just a long time customer," his mind thinking back to a few particular customers, "I like to write them a letter, explaining why they were so important to me and my life. Then I usually bring that letter to the Memorial Stone and read it to them, at the stone." Teuchi offers Naruto a weak smile. "I leave the letter there afterward. It's not much, but it has always made me feel better.

"But, Naruto-kun. You shouldn't just take my word for it. Try asking lots of people, including Harry-san, how to deal with this. It's perfectly normal to feel sad after someone important to you dies." Teuchi put a heavy hand on Naruto's head and messed up his wild, spiky hair. "And never forget that person either. Keep them in your heart and remember." 

Naruto's face was scrunched up in deep thought, making him look constipated. Eventually, he nodded. 

"You're right, dattebayo!" Naruto jumped off of his stool. "I'm going to ask everyone I know! BYE! THANK YOU TEUCHI-JII-SAN! IT WAS GREAT!" His words were all shouted before he dashed out of the stall, heading to the next person he could ask. 

Teuchi was left shaking his head fondly. 

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Naruto ran to the Academy first and managed to find Iruka in his classroom grading papers. 

"IRUKA-SENSEI" Naruto slammed into the side of the desk, grinning at his old teacher. 

"Naruto-kun, calm down," Iruka spoke the words automatically, looking up from his papers. His eyes scanned Naruto's face quickly, setting down his marking pen. "What's wrong, Naruto?" 

That grinning mask crumbled and Naruto frowned. 

"Iruka-sensei," he began, just like how he did with Teuchi, "How do you do you grieve someone?" 

Iruka took a moment to think about the question, then moved his chair closer to where Naruto was standing. He was still so short, it was like dealing with someone so much younger. 

"Is this about your mission?" 

Naruto nodded before replying, "Haku and Zabuza died. They died together. I'm..." he scuffed his sandal on the ground. "I'm sad." 

A sad smile came across Iruka's face. The fact that Naruto could admit that spoke volumes of how different this child in front of him was from how he had been a few years ago. 

"It's okay to be sad," began the academy teacher, "It's one of the many steps of grief. I imagine, when it first happened, you were really angry, right?" 

Naruto looked up quickly and nodded just as fast. "I was so mad because Genie-nii-chan wouldn't do anything to help them! I wanted to punch him--I never want to punch my Nii-chan." 

Iruka blinked in surprise. Harry-san had been there? That thought was followed by Iruka shaking his head in a form of mental reset. It wasn't important now. The grieving boy in front of him was. 

"When I am grieving someone," Iruka started again, "I like to tell someone else as much as I can about that person. I will always remember the person that died, but I’ve always believed that a problem shared is a problem halved. And sharing my grief helps me.” There was a weak smile on the scarred shinobi’s face when he finished, but he continued with. “So, Naruto-kun, why don’t you tell me about them?” 

That weak smile was answered with a watery one from Naruto before he launched into talking about Haku, and to a minor extent, Zabuza. 

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … 

After talking to Iruka, Naruto felt a lot better. But he was still sad… So he decided to go see if he could find Gai-sensei and Bushy Brows. Gai-sensei may have something different he could do so that he wouldn’t be so… sad.

It took nearly an hour for Naruto to find them, but once he did, he wasn’t surprised. 

“HI GAI-SENSEI!” Naruto shouted, bouncing up onto the steps that lead up to the top of Hokage Mountain that the pair were scaling on their hands. 

“NARUTO-KUN!” Gai shouted right back, leaning his weight carefully to one hand so that he could return Naruto’s enthusiastic wave. 

Naruto then turned to Lee and shouted his name too. Lee returned the shout, doing the same thing as Gai. 

“How many times is this, Gai-sensei?” Naruto asked; a few months of working with Gai on his taijutsu had made him slightly immune to seeing them like this. Slightly. It was still weird, but Naruto knew how good the two were, so he didn’t say anything. 

“This is our fourth time up the mountain, my youthful taijutsu student! How was your most splendid C-rank mission?” Gai asked the question and then looked up to see Naruto’s solemn face. He took a moment and then turned to Lee. 

“LEE, PERSEVERE! I WILL MET YOU AT THE TOP! IF I DON’T SEE YOU WITHIN THE HOUR, I WILL DO DOUBLE OUR LAPS UP THE MOUNTAIN!” 

“YOSH!!!” Lee yelled in response, taking a burst of speed to get farther up the mountain. Meanwhile, Gai had flipped back to his feet and sat on the steps. 

“Naruto-kun, your flames of youth seem quite dim today. What seems to be the matter?” 

Naruto, feeling more confident after talking to Iruka, forged ahead resolutely. “Gai-sensei. How do you grieve someone?” 

That was not what Gai thought he was going to hear. 

“That is a very personal question, Naruto-kun,” Gai started, clasping his hands in front of him, sharing an intense look with Naruto. 

“I’ve already asked Iruka-sensei and Teuchi-jii-san.” 

“That is quite bold of you,” Gai responded, glancing to the sky then back to Naruto. “I grieve through ignorance.” 

Now it was Naruto’s turn to be surprised. 

“Let me explain,” He held up a hand to with stall question, “I am a loud, handsome, beast of a man, and I always speak my mind. People do not always appreciate that.

“When it comes time for me to grieve my fellow shinobis, whose flames of youth were snuffed out before their time …I do so alone, so as to not offend their families with what I will undoubtedly say. Not everyone welcomes what I have to say.”

Gai paused, gathering his thoughts, before continuing, “I emote strongly. I burn with passion and feel no need to hold this back. I respect and recognize all of my fellow shinobis and grieve wholeheartedly for them. But I do not acknowledge it outwardly. I save that for home.” 

Naruto’s surprise kept increasing as Gai continued to speak, but when he thought about it… it made sense. It was a bit like a mask, like the one he would wear when the villagers were at their worst. 

“I understand,” Naruto nodded and grinned at Gai, “Thank you Gai-sensei!” 

Gai answered with his own grin, slapping a hand painfully onto Naruto’s shoulder. 

“Whatever is making you sad, Naruto-kun, will pass with time. Do not let your current suffering reflect on the future!” Gai gave Naruto’s shoulder a squeeze, then stood, flipping back onto his hands. 

“TRAINING IN TWO DAYS NARUTO-KUN!!” Though shouted, the words vanished at the end as Gai started to run, on his hands, up the mountain again. 

Naruto laughed a little, then took off down the mountain in the other direction. He had a few more people he wanted to talk to. 

… … … … … … … … … … … … 

Walking towards the Hokage’s Tower, Naruto considered what he knew about Kakashi. When Harry and he had gone around asking questions about Kakashi, they learned that he spent a lot of time in front of the Memorial Stone…

Naruto decided to swing past there on his way to see the Hokage. 

Sure enough, Kakashi was standing there, book open, but it didn’t look like he was actually reading it. 

Stopping at the edge of the field that the Memorial Stone was in, Naruto crouched down and just watched his sensei for a bit. 

If Kakashi knew that he was there, he never showed it… by the time that Naruto decided that he wasn’t going to ask his sensei about how he grieved, he was already walking away, his body making the decision and then his mind catching up afterward. 

Naruto launched himself onto the rooftops, happy to have learned how, and made quick time to the Hokage’s Tower. 

Naruto ignored the secretary and barged in with a shout of, “JII-CHAN!”

Sarutobi, not all that surprised, simply pushed aside the work he was doing. 

“Hello, Naruto-kun,” the old Hokage said, sitting back in his chair. 

“Jii-chan,” Naruto replied seriously, going up to Sarutobi’s desk. “How do you grieve someone?” 

Considering that Sarutobi had already been briefed on the mission, he wasn’t startled by this question. 

“Is this about your mission?” Naruto nodded, feeling a little bit of deja vu, “Everyone grieves differently, Naruto-kun—“

“I know,” the young blond interrupted, “I’ve already asked Teuchi-jii-chan, Iruka-sensei, and Gai-sensei.” 

Sarutobi allowed his shock to show as he asked, “But not Harry-san?” 

Naruto cringed a bit, curling into himself. 

“Naruto-kun?” 

“I’m afraid to.” 

“Afraid?” Sarutobi was a bit baffled. 

“Sometimes…” Naruto hesitated, shuffling his feet, “Sometimes Genie-nii-chan looks really sad… And I know that he is really old… almost as old as you, Jiijii, and I… and I don’t want to make him more sad… to ask him about something like this. 

“He’s not a shinobi, like us,” Naruto continued, brow scrunched together as he thought deeply on this, “So maybe death ain’t as common for him… and thinking about… something…” His words faltered, drifting off as he couldn’t figure how to word what he was thinking. 

Sarutobi, though, understood. At least he thought he did, so he said as much. 

“So, how do you grieve someone, Jiijii?” Naruto repeated his question, thinking back to earlier at Ichiraku’s. “I’m … sad… that they died.” 

“Oh, Naruto,” Sarutobi sighed out, leaning back in his chair again, “Grieving is a very personal thing and, as I said, everyone does it differently. 

“I choose to honor their memory with a photo, or small keepsake of some sort. I have an area in my home where I keep them all. I can go there, look, and remember them.” Sarutobi thought of the few items he had for his wife, Biwako, and even the ones that he had for Naruto’s parents. 

“Remembering can hurt, at first, and sometimes even years later, but you always carry them with you. Because they’ve changed you in some way.” ‘Not always for good,’ was a thought left unsaid. 

Naruto looked very pensive once Sarutobi was done speaking, nodding his head slowly. 

“Okay, Jii-chan. I understand.” 

“Good. And Naruto-kun?” Sarutobi called to him before he could run out of his office. “I would ask Harry-san too. Just like how you asked Teuchi-san; a different perspective can help.” 

Naruto offered a small, half smile, but it was very real. “All right Jii-chan. THANK YOU!!!” And at the end he was back to himself, running out of the office. 

Sarutobi turned his chair so he could look out of his window to the Hokage Monument. His eyes sought out Minato’s face, mumbling to himself. 

“The first death is always the hardest…” 

Then he returned to his paperwork. 

… … … … … … … … … … … …

It was dark when Naruto finally returned home. Harry had made dinner, out of boredom, and left it under a stasis charm in the kitchen. But Harry was nowhere to be seen—which meant he was in his room. 

Naruto didn’t go inside Harry’s room often. It felt weird, knowing that it was made fully out of magic. Plus, Harry usually only went in there to sleep—but it was much too early for Harry to be sleeping. 

So, Naruto knocked on the door and waited. He already had checked Harry’s shop, so he knew this was where he had to be. Because of course, Harry could only be in two places: work or home. 

At least Naruto wasn’t wrong this time as Harry opened the door and blinked in surprise. “Hello, Blondie,” he offered his lamp holder a crooked grin. “Did you get the answers you were seeking?” 

Whatever Naruto was going to say to Harry was lost in a harsh exhale of breath. “Yes and no. Jiijii said I should ask you too.” 

“Of course he would, the old windbag.” Harry shook his head, then held his door open wider. “Did you want to come in, or shall I join you in the kitchen?” 

Naruto hesitated, looking over to the door to his kitchen… then took a step into Harry’s room. 

Harry led the way over to a pair of squashy chairs that were in front of, of all things, a fireplace. The room was decked out in rich, dark colors and looked extremely different from Konoha. 

Naruto took a seat, folding his legs underneath him in the Lotus position, and position that Harry copied in his own chair. He picked up his tea that was resting on a table and took a sip. 

“Genie-nii-chan,” Naruto started the same way he had several times already today. “How do you grieve?” 

“Straight into the heart of the matter,” joked Harry, taking another sip before setting his cup down again. “I’m sure everyone today gave you many pieces of advice on how to remember, and honor, and cherish these people, these… precious memories.” Harry tone was almost one of disgust. 

“Blondie, you have to remember, I am very different from everyone else in this village.”

“I know,” Naruto said quietly, thinking about the lamp. 

“I don’t mean the lamp.” 

Naruto looked up sharply and Harry looked decidedly unimpressed. 

“Please, it was written all over your face. Yes, the lamp has made it difficult. I had a family, and loved ones, that died while I have been stuck in the lamp. I couldn’t grieve them properly; I couldn’t go to their funerals; I couldn’t be with them in their last moments. 

“But I knew people who had died before the lamp, my parents included, my godfather, the man who should have been like an uncle to me, friends that I knew at school… I have seen so much death in my life, Blondie. Grieving...” Harry stopped, looking into the fire. 

“I never stop feeling sad about it. And angry. They never knew what happened to me. Not in life anyway. Their children knew because I was finally able to get out by then, to send them a message.” Harry’s eyes, as he watched the fire, were distant. 

He remembered being summoned, quite accidentally by his lamp holder at the time, into Gringott’s. Harry used that to his advantage to leave all of the things he had prepared for such a moment with a Goblin before being shunted back into his lamp. It had happened more than once, actually. 

“But it’s not the same,” Harry turned back to Naruto, “Grieving has a lot of emotions. You can rant. You can rage. You can scream your denial. You can make a bargain with Death,” and as if saying the name was a summons, Death popped into the room—not that Naruto knew. “But nothing will work.

“You have to move on and accept it.” His tone was flat now, “Because _you_ ,” there was a special emphasis on that one word that Naruto couldn’t understand, “will only be able to see them again in the afterlife.” 

Naruto hadn’t blinked much since Harry started talking… and now he was blinking rapidly, trying to process everything that Harry had said. Somehow… Naruto felt that there was something NOT being said here, that was going over his head. 

“But… you won’t?” Naruto was very hesitant to ask that. It felt like the right question, however, and he looked at Harry in a way that demanded an answer. 

Death hovered over Harry’s shoulder, wondering what his master would do with this. 

It took a long time for Harry to finally answer Naruto, his eyes moving between the blond and the fire several times before finally heaving a harsh sigh. 

“I’m bound to the lamp,” Harry took the easy way out, “Probably forever.” He couldn’t tell him that he was… the Master of Death. He just couldn’t. 

Naruto narrowed his eyes at Harry but nodded in acceptance anyway. 

“I’m sorry,” Naruto said eventually, “That you’re sad too.” 

“Yeah,” Harry replied, dragging the word out… then offered, “Want to go throw plates at trees? Breaking shit helps.” 

Naruto snorted, then laughed, and launched from his chair. 

“Well, what are we waiting for!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... 
> 
> AN: Omigosh, writing Gai is so hard. Gai's reaction to grieving is based on how my co-worker/friend grieves. She gave me permission to use her thoughts and words on the subject. I did some research before writing this. Not as funny, I think, like other chapters, but it felt logically like a good next step in the plot. PS- I struggled with a title again. No song lyric or quotes this time. Also, sorry for the long time to update. Writer’s block and stuff. 
> 
> "The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief."
> 
> Additional note: I kind of wish I was writing this chapter now, as opposed to then. I'm actually trying to deal with grief (my dad died recently) and I think this chapter would have helped me work through that. Ahh, oh well. lol.


	18. Well, looky here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> ... ... ....

… … …

_Valentine's Day wasn't a holiday I ever cared much about. At Hogwarts, the most memorable was, of course, The Dwarves. And That Poem._

_Ahh... Pickled toad..._

_After the war, I had no desire to date anymore, and so the holiday fell by the wayside. Especially since I had work I could be doing instead._

_Then I got trapped in the lamp and time lost all meaning for me._

_But now I'm here... with Naruto... and it's been very interesting, to say the least._

... ... ...

Their first Valentine's Day together, they didn't even notice the holiday was there until IT WAS THERE. It was like suddenly the entire town had barfed red, pink, and glitter. 

Or at least the merchants' district looked that way. 

Harry found it hysterical. 

Naruto, who was just starting to notice that GIRLS WERE PRETTY was blushing as red as some of the decorations. 

That made Harry laugh harder. 

... ... ...

Their second Valentine's Day was much more memorable. 

Naruto waited patiently and hoped that he would get chocolates from Sakura--and was so depressed when he didn’t that he barely noticed Hinata trying to give him some. 

Harry, who had started to establish himself as a civilian, received way too much chocolate. 

Every gift he received was discretely hit with a stasis charm and tossed into his pocket dimension to look at later. It was easier than trying to carry everything around, anyway. 

Just before reaching the door of the flower shop he was headed towards, a fellow civilian in his naturalization class came up to him and bowed, holding out a bag. 

"Please accept this, Harry-san!" She squeaked, face flushed to a happy pink that matched the bag she was giving Harry. 

Harry pulled a face, "Thanks..." he muttered weakly, taking the bag from the woman who was taller than him by a fair amount.” But..." Here he hesitated, even though his fingers had already grasped the bag. "I don't ... I can't..." 

The woman's face crumbled with Harry's terribly executed rejection. "It's okay..." She whispered, eyes still looking down, "Just think of it as Obligatory chocolate." 

"Sorry?" Harry offered, taking the bag completely. He wasn't really sorry, because he didn't exactly feel like explaining himself to her, but whatever. 

She waved it off, gave him a weak smile, and left. 

Once she was gone, Harry sighed and turned to walk into the shop--only to walk face first into Inoichi's chest. 

"Gah!" Pinwheeling his arms, Harry only didn't fall because the shinobi in front of him grabbed him by the shirt. Inoichi righted Harry, who groaned a bit and rubbed his face, knocking his glasses askew. 

"Sorry about that," Inoichi began, smoothing out Harry's shirt--but then realized what he was doing and stopped with an angry blush. "I thought you knew I was there." 

Harry just groaned again, fixing his glasses. 

"Right," the blond floundered, then stepped aside without words. Harry walked into the shop, plopping the bag down on the floor by the front counter. Grumbling to himself, Harry then proceeded to head into the shop. 

Awkward, Inoichi went to the counter too. He took a discreet peek into Harry's gift bag then rounded the counter and settled behind it while he waited for one of his best customers, next to Kakashi and the Hokage, to finish his selection. 

When Harry finally made his way to the front, he had several different things in hand that he flopped onto the counter. 

"Did you get my order in?" Harry asked, pretending nothing weird had just happened. 

"The herb plant? No, sorry. It should be here in a few days." 

Harry pouted but nodded. 

"You really like your tea, don't you?" 

Harry got a wistful smile on his face. "I do. There's nothing better than sitting down with a nice cuppa..." 

Not knowing what to say to that, Inoichi decided to change the subject. “Where do you know…” he motioned to the bag on the floor, “…from?” 

The responding look Harry gave him was utter confusion. Harry’s eyes followed the gesture and then recognition flooded them. “Oh. KNC classes.” 

It took Inoichi a few seconds to remember that acronym: Konoha Naturalization Citizenship. “Ah. She’s… not your type?” 

Harry pulled yet another face. It was a very expressive face. “No, she’s not.” 

“So you prefer…?” He gestured to himself. 

And now Harry looked amused, shaking his head. “Nope.” 

“Then…?” Harry arched an eyebrow at Inoichi. “Ah. You’re asexual?” 

“Got it in one,” was the entertained reply. “When I was younger, maybe, but…” Harry waved a hand, dismissing the subject. 

That statement was definitely at odds with Harry’s teenaged looks, though, and Inoichi did not fail to pick up on it. However, he didn’t question it either. 

“Do you usually get a lot of chocolates?” He asked instead. 

“Actually, no,” Harry was definitely laughing now. “It’s been overwhelming this year with all of them.” The Prankster’s Grin TM spread across the tiny genie’s face. “But I plan to feed a lot of them to Blondie just before he goes to school. It’ll make me feel better.

“Anyway, thanks, Inoichi,” Harry said, picking up his flowers, which had been bundled by the Yamanaka while they spoke and Harry paid. “Send me a message when my order comes in, yeah?“ He saluted with the flowers, picked up the gift bag, and left without another word. 

Inoichi couldn’t help but gulp. Naruto on a sugar high? Uh oh… Maybe he should find a mission out of the village?

... ... ...

Their third Valentine's Day together could be summed up with two words: Maito Gai. 

The shinobi in question had made it his personal mission to take the delightful blossom that was Harry out on a date. 

Harry made it his own mission to completely and totally ignore the shinobi in question. 

It didn't work quite as well as he had hoped because Harry got a request to pick up several large items of furniture in need of fixing from the edge of the village. 

Sure, it wasn’t a difficult job, but it did require him to, ya know, leave the house. It’s not like he could just apparate there, he had never been to that side of the village before. 

With a heavily put upon sigh, Harry left his shop—having popped over there first because why the fuck not and began to head to the designated address. 

Ten minutes into his walk, Gai showed up. 

“Well, looky here… ah-ha…” Harry laughed to himself, a pained smile on his face when a bouquet of flowers was shoved in his direction. The small amount of Flower language he had been learning was completely ignored because Harry sure as shit didn’t want to know the meaning behind them. 

“BEAUTIFUL HARRY-SAN. THESE FLOWERS PALE IN COMPARISON—“

“Please stop shouting…” 

“—TY AND I, THE DASHINGLY HANDSOME MAITO GAI, WOULD BE HONORED TO BE YOUR VALENTINE TODAY!!” Gai, in all his jumpsuited glory, was kneeling before Harry in an Epic Pose, arms stretched wide as he presented the flowers. 

Harry cringed. 

“Please stop shouting,” he repeated himself, even as he slowly took the flowers. 

“OF COU—Ahem. Of course, My Valen—“

“No-no.” Harry interrupted, putting his hand over Gai’s mouth. “I can’t accept.” 

Behind that delicate hand, Gai frowned, but that didn’t deter him for long. Carefully removing the hand, Gai flashed a Nice Guy smile at Harry and jumped to his feet. 

“That’s OKAY!!” And there was a sparkle coming from Gai’s mouth. “Even if you cannot accept my glorious feelings right now, I will hold onto hope that one day you will!” 

“Uh, Gai.” Harry attempted, but Gai was monologuing. Since he wasn’t paying attention, Harry sent the flowers off to his pocket dimension and continued on his way to his client. 

Gai quickly caught up. 

The entire way was filled with chatter, mostly one-sided, but, once Gai stopped shouting so much, Harry found he didn’t mind the man’s presence. 

He really was a nice guy, after all. 

Gai even helped to move the furniture onto Harry’s sealing scrolls so he could bring it back to his shop easier. 

“Resplendent Harry-san,” Gai picked up one of the scrolls, looking it over before handing it off. “Where did you get such a fine example of the wonderful art of fuuninjutsu?” 

“Uh,” Harry began eloquently, accepting back his scrolls. “I made it?” 

Gai’s head snapped up and Harry found himself under the full force of Gai’s stare. Harry glanced around and then back to Gai, “What?” 

“That is UNQUESTIONABLY FANTASTIC HARRY-SAN! THAT YOU ARE TAKING THE TIME TO LEARN THIS MOST EXQUISITE OF ARTS.” The man made a choking sound before suddenly tears were running down his face. 

Harry made a move to get away, but he was grabbed and smothered by the strength of The Green Beast of Konoha. Harry could barely see the sunset and twinkles that started as Gai once more began expounding on how wonderful this and Harry were. 

Eventually, Harry reverted to instinctual defense mechanisms and went limp in Gai’s arms. He was released in time and Harry flashed a quick smile before apparating away, green smoke and glitter forgotten in his haste. 

Landing in a sprawl at home, Harry curled up into a ball, hugging his knees close. Naruto, having heard the landing, came into their entryway, a cup of instant ramen in hand, and just started laughing. 

“I wish I had a camera!” Naruto croaked out, hand holding his stomach. Harry looked like an upset kitten, his hair slightly tugged out of its usual braid because of the unintentional rough handling by Gai. 

“Shut up, Blondie,” Harry mumbled back, blinking rapidly in an effort to reset his brain to normality. 

“Do I even want to know what happened?” 

“… Probably not.” 

Naruto calmed down enough to finish eating, even as he continued chuckled occasionally. 

“You know there’s a pile of stuff for you at the mailbox, right?” 

Harry whimpered. How did they even figure out where he lived!?

“Did you have stuff at the shop too?” 

Harry nodded. 

“You’re so funny, Genie-nii-chan.” Naruto finally claimed, turning back to the kitchen to throw away his empty cup. 

Harry just sighed. So much for sympathy! Happy Valentine’s Day indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ...
> 
> AN: Fuck continuity, I wanted to post something so you got a Valentine’s Day Interlude lol. Enjoy?


	19. So dontcha sit there slack-jawed, buggy-eyed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt. 
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t. 
> 
> … … …

… … …

_One of the things I learned about during my Naturalization classes was holidays. Apparently, they're different here._

_Not that surprising, being that I am in what amounts to a different dimension and all._

_But, being me, I didn't really give a shit about it._

_Unfortunately, those who I would tentatively call 'friends' would not allow me to remain ignorant._

... ... ...

Holidays had never really meant much to Harry Potter. When he was a kid growing up with the Dursleys, he wasn't allowed to participate in them and any gifts he got were... to be frank, trash. 

When Harry finally wound up back in the Wizarding World there were very few holidays of mention. Sure there was Christmas and Halloween, plus the occasional celebration of Valentine's Day if someone wanted to celebrate it (ahemLockhartcoughcough). But, overall, there wasn't much. 

After the war, Harry still celebrated the few essential holidays with his friends-- at least until he ended up inside of his lamp. 

Then there were no more Holidays because there was no more Time. 

After Harry's first Valentine's Day with Naruto, which was spent laughing at how the village looked like they had pranked it, he didn't think anything else would happen. There hadn't been a Christmas or whatever, so...

So... Harry kind of assumed Holidays weren't a thing. Festivals, okay, but Holidays? Meh. 

The first White Day passed without much fanfare. Yes, there were a few decorations and extra stuff for sale, but Harry still kept mostly to himself at that time, therefore, was able to ignore it. 

The second White Day was quite different. 

... ... ...

"What do you mean, 'White Day'? What is White Day?" Harry raised the question just before his classes had started for KNC. A man in the class, who tended to blush around Harry, had asked Harry if he any chocolate to give people-- then went on to explain the holiday, after Harry's query. 

"That's stupid." Harry finally proclaimed, turning away from the man and going to his seat in a huff of fluffy hair-- he'd worn a ponytail that day because why not? 

Class, predictably, was focused on Holidays. Harry was bored out of his mind but paid attention anyway. He did want to pass these classes and gain citizenship, if only so that he could continue to help Naruto. 

Several people in the class, as well as those on the streets, kept looking at Harry as he left class and went to the flower shop. Even though it had taken a lot longer than Harry wanted his order was FINALLY in. 

Inoichi happened to meet Harry in the street, seeing the direction the short man was heading in and followed him to his shop. On the way, the blond shinobi noticed all of the... stares Harry was getting. 

As they entered the shop together, conversation bland, he finally brought it up. 

"Quite a lot of people are staring at you today, Harry-san." 

"... Is there a question in there, or am I supposed to guess?" Harry's reply was as dry as a dessert to match the cacti he was looking at. 

Inoichi barely suppressed a sigh but didn't bother when he saw Harry's Grin. 

Appeased, Harry answered. "I think it's because they all gave me chocolate last month." 

"Ahhh," Understanding dawned, "It's White Day." Inoichi nodded, leaning forward against the front counter. 

"Such a stupid holiday," muttered Harry, picking up two cacti and going to the counter where he set them down before wandering back to the flowers. 

Inoichi's brows went up. "Why do you say 'stupid'?" 

"Because," Harry looked at some carnations with a scrunched nose, "Why do you need two holidays that do the exact same thing?" 

It was a good point, but... "Love is always a good thing, Harry-san." Inoichi insisted before pushing away from the counter as he remembered about Harry's order. 

"I didn't say it wasn't," retorted the Wizard turned Genie picking up some fresh lilies in varying colors, not paying attention to meaning but just aesthetics. After all, Orange was Naruto's favorite color, regardless of the flowers meaning. "But..." 

When Harry trailed off, Inoichi glanced up from the pile of special order bags that the cashier had put together that morning for later pick up, giving the short man a questioning look. 

"But?" he prompted. 

"But..." And Harry's tone turned a bit mournful, "But it can hurt." and he added another orange lily to the pile of flowers in his basket, which he had conjured when he thought no one was looking (the cashier was, but the pair were totally ignoring him). 

Inoichi's gaze turned sympathetic, finding the right bag in the pile and going to the counter. He finally really noticed his cousin there and blinked wide. Said cousin just smiled blandly and stepped aside to allow Inoichi to finish what he was doing. 

"Does he...?" The cousin whispered, looking at Harry's increasingly eclectic looking basket of flowers. 

"Know what those mean?" Inoichi finished the sentence in the same whisper, setting the bag down and looking at the cactus which he motioned for his cousin to wrap. "No, probably not." 

The cousin snorted a laugh and set about doing his job. 

Harry appeared at the counter then, setting down his hate-- er, flower basket. 

Looking at the flowers, Inoichi had to ask, "Who are these for?" 

"Me. And well, I guess, Blondie. The ones in the kitchen need replacing." 

Inoichi nodded, then paused. "Wait... Harry-san, are you... Are you going to get responding gifts for the people who gave you stuff last month?" 

Harry's expressive face twisted, showing how crazy he thought Inoichi was. "No, why the fuck would I do that?" 

Both Yamanakas paused before Inoichi said slowly, "Because it's nice?" 

It was Harry's turn to snort, but his was full of derision and not laughter like the cousin's had been. 

"Harry-san." Inoichi's tone was just this side of warning, a tone he used occasionally with his daughter. 

Harry looked at the tall blond and the slow rise of his arched eyebrow was practically an audible drawl of 'Really'. 

"Sorry, but honestly Harry-san, you really should give them some kind of reply. Even if it's just obligatory chocolate." 

"What even if obligatory chocolate?" Harry asked in confusion, finding a super cute tiny plant in front of the counter. He was crouched in front of it, poking it with a finger. "So many people said that last month after I rejected them." 

"... You accepted the chocolates and you didn't even understand?" 

"No." Harry looked up from his crouch, head tilted to the side like a confused bird. Curled up, poking at a flower like he was, he presented the most adorable little picture that both Yamanakas flushed a little. 

Inoichi recovered first and sighed, explaining the concept of obligatory chocolates to the clueless foreigner, who decided to buy the cute plant too. 

In the end, the blond shinobi had managed to convince Harry to seek out those who had given him chocolate and return something, even if it was just 'obligatory'. 

A quick stop to the market and then Harry vanished back to his room in Naruto's apartment. There the wizard set up making chocolates in a mixture of magic and muggle ways. Two hours later he had a huge basket of them. 

He left his room, scaring Naruto something fierce. 

"GENIE-NII-CHAN!! You really should put like a sign or something on your door so I know you're here! You know no sound comes out of your fucking magic room!" 

"Watch your fucking mouth, Blondie," Harry replied automatically, Grinning at his lamp holder. Naruto just rolled his eyes. 

"Maybe I should put a bell on you like a cat," Naruto threatened, going back to the kitchen with his watering can. 

"I'd love to see you try," and the challenge was issued. 

With the topic change of, "You bought more plants." Naruto began to water where Harry had set down the cactus, near where a lot of their other plants were. Honestly, they had them all over the apartment. 

"I did. I got flowers too," Harry looked at the table, wondering where they were. "Oh, right." And he snapped, summoning them from his room where he'd left them for some reason. 

"YOU GOT ORANGE DATTEBAYO!" Naruto crowed in excitement, pouring out the rest of his water into the sink before putting away the watering can. 

"I did. I also got my tea plant." It was sitting on the counter and Harry pointed to it, "Don't water it too much." Harry warned, earning a flapped hand in response. If there was something Naruto was good at, it was plants (for some reason). 

"What's the basket for?" Naruto asked, yet another topic change as he peaked at all the chocolates. 

Harry pulled a face, "Inoichi said that I needed to give everyone obligatory chocolate because it's White Day." 

Naruto stared at his genie for a second and then started to slowly laugh before falling to the ground and cackling. 

"Laugh it up Blondie. I can string you up outside by your toes." 

"I'd like to see you try, 'ttebayo." And another challenge was issued. 

They shared a Grin, then Harry waved and headed off to give out his chocolates. 

The women, as well as a few men too, were happy to receive something back, even if it was just obligatory. Especially once they learned they were homemade. 

Harry was just grumpy about the whole thing. 

The next day, Naruto woke up dangling from the balcony of his apartment, toes locked in shackles, but actually suspended by his ankles. 

His scream was heard halfway across Konoha where Harry was sitting at a café sipping tea. Sure, he had cat ears superglued to his head and Naruto had somehow sealed a cat collar with a bell on it around his neck, but it’s not like Harry really cared. That scream was totally worth it. 

... ... ...

Harry's third White Day was definitely going to be annoying. Harry wanted to ignore it, and he would have been able to do just that had it not been for Maito Gai. 

On March 13th, Inoichi accosted Harry and told him that he needed to make sure that he did the same thing that he had the year before. Harry scowled something fierce but in the end, acquiesced with a nod. 

That night he had been in the shared kitchen working when Naruto threw a giant wrench in Harry's plans to ignore White day (aside from Obligatory Chocolate). 

"So what did you get for Gai-sensei?" Naruto was licking ice cream off of a spoon. Harry, who was in the middle of using a spatula to drizzle chocolate on his candies dropping it and stared, in horror, at his lamp holder. 

"What?" 

"Hmm?" Naruto looked up, seeing the state of his genie and laughed. When Harry didn't laugh with him, he gradually stopped. "Genie-nii-chan?" 

"...fuck..." The curse was whimpered, dirty hands going up to clutch at Harry's hair. "Fuck!" He shouted this time, pulling some hair out of its high ponytail. 

"Genie-nii-chan?" 

"Blondie! I-... Do I have to!?" Harry whined. "Gai is way too enthusiastic!"

Naruto wasn't sure if he was allowed to laugh, but he really wanted to. 

“You could just give him some of this stuff,” Naruto gestured to the shit that Harry was already making and for a hot minute Harry considered it… but he shook his head. 

“No, that won’t do. Gai is super insistent. Chocolate would give him the wrong idea, even if I insist it’s merely Obligatory.” Harry started tapping his chin and then noticed his ruined set of chocolates and pouted. 

“Fuck.” It was said plainly this time, Harry peeling up the spatula and working on salvaging that batch. 

After watching Harry for a few minutes, Naruto suggested, “Why don’t you get him some kunai?” 

“No way. Gai would say I pierced his heart like Cupid’s Arrow with them or some bullshit like that.” The response was immediate, even though Harry was clearly focused on candy making. “Any ninja weapon thingy is out for the same reason.” Harry glanced up at that, seeing Naruto’s mouth open to make that suggestion. 

Naruto hummed, folding his legs underneath his body on the chair, cradling his bowl of ice cream. He tapped his mouth with his licked clean spoon, thinking. 

“What about,” the blond proposed slowly, “Something boring and useful like a tea set? Or,” here he snickered, “A pillow?” 

Harry shook his head, hair tossed about for a second. “He’d probably make out with the pillow thinking it was me, or pretend drinking from the cups was like ‘kissing my sweet lips!’” He threw his voice in such a way that he sounded similar to Gai causing Naruto to burst into giggles. 

As he leaned back laughing, Naruto’s eyes caught on the flowers they always kept in the house. The amount had grown considerably over the years Harry had been there. “Why not flowers?” He proposed. “Isn’t that what he got you?” 

There was a pause in chocolate decorating as Harry thought about it. 

“That’s not a bad idea Blondie,” Harry smiled his genuine crooked one at his lamp holder and Naruto felt a warm burst of pride as a result. 

“You still have that flower language book Inoichi gave me?” 

Naruto nodded. 

“Go get it. Let’s find some flowers to tell him what he doesn’t listen to me say.” 

The blond laughed as he went to do just that. 

The rest of the night was spent planning a bouquet of flowers for the eccentric shinobi. Harry also decided to give him a pair of sealing scrolls since the man had complimented his work before. Harry was just too nice for his own good. 

… … …

The next morning, stupid early, after delivering his Obligatory Chocolates to the mailboxes of everyone he could remember who gave him something the month prior, Harry was waiting at Yamanaka Flowers with a list in hand. 

There were several other people milling about getting their own flower needs sorted, but Harry was able to squeeze through them all thanks to his small size. 

He carefully gathered the flowers. He took several striped carnations and mixed them with yellow roses so that they would dominate the bouquet. A dark pink rose was considered, but the coloring wasn’t quite right, so he put it back. 

He looked carefully for an Abor Vitae, adding a single one to the batch. After finding Candytuft, a few were added. They had considered oak-leaved geranium, but after actually looking at the flower in the shop, Harry decided against it. 

Moving on, he looked for and found gladioli. Even if it was gladiolus, the meaning was fine. Plus it looked really cool. He added a stalk. Nearby where the hyacinth and he had to search a bit for a purple one. A single stalk was found and added to the growing bouquet. 

Harry was a little sad that there were no Love In A Mist flowers because despite their name, the meaning was good. 

The bouquet was finished off with a pair of magenta Zinnia flowers. Harry had been wary about including it, but he knew he wouldn’t mind a friendship with the man, so into the bouquet they went. 

Not wanting to screw up the meanings of his flowers with anything ‘decorative’ he refused any leaves and baby’s breath. He even declined a ribbon, just taking the brown paper wrapped around it. 

As Harry began to head towards his shop, he hit the flowers with a stasis charm. That would help them keep until Gai ultimately found him. Because he would. Gai had been hounding him every day for the past month since Valentine’s Day. 

Though, now that he thought about it, Gai had been strangely absent yesterday… which was nice… since Harry had spent so long making chocolates for everyone else that day. 

After spending the day writing and accepting work orders, Harry realized it was 7 o’clock and he still hadn’t seen his Giant Green Stalker. 

Pen and paper set aside, Harry packed up and locked his shop down and went on a search for Gai. After several minutes of wandering, he decided to just make an arrow on the ground with the toe of his sandal. 

“Point me, Maito Gai.” The arrow in the sand spun and Harry walked in the direction it pointed. 

Eventually, he wound up at the fucking Main Gate. 

“Harry-san!” One of the gate guards greeted. Kotosu or something. “Thank you for the chocolates.” 

Harry ignored him. 

The arrow in the sand and point me spell was repeated just to be safe, the two gate guards sharing a confused look at what the small man was doing. 

“Fuck,” muttered Harry at the same result. The arrow pointed out of the village. He looked up when a shadow cast over his arrow at someone he vaguely recalled giving an Obligatory Chocolate to. “Hey. You. Do you know where Gai is?” 

The guard, Kote..ku? Harry couldn’t remember. The guard looked hurt and Harry winced a bit at his lack of tact. Ko..kotsu? shrugged it off though with a nod. “Yeah, he left yesterday for a mission out of the village with his Genin team. Why? Are … Those for him?” 

Harry looked at the flower in his hand, realizing what this looked like, and hide them behind his back. “No, what? Shut up. Fuck you.” Harry growled, slamming the heel of his hand into his forehead. “Goddamnit. I’m sorry, I just. Fuck, Sorry.” 

Instead of dealing with the situation like a proper adult, or something, Harry vanished in a puff of green smoke. 

Kotetsu and Izumo shared another look and just shrugged. 

… … …

The next day, Harry returned and hit the Main Gate with a charm that would alert him once Gai returned to the village. 

It took two fucking days. 

Harry tracked Gai down a couple of hours after he returned and just about threw the flowers, still as fresh as the day he bought them, at Gai. Being a shinobi, he caught them easily. Plus it was just a bouquet of flowers, pretty easy to catch. 

“YOU’RE SUCH AN ARSEHOLE!” Harry shouted at the taller man, stomping his foot as he couldn’t express his frustration well. 

“Ha-… Harry-san…” For a moment Gai, THE MAITO GAI, was struck speechless. It took him a minute to interpret the overall meaning of the bouquet presented to him by His Wonderful, Intriguing Blossom, and his mouth slowly fell open as he understood. 

Harry, however, scowled. “Don’t just sit there, slacked-jawed and buggy-eyed! Answer me, damnit.” At that moment, Harry threw the bound together scrolls at Gai’s head and the shinobi caught them at the last second. 

Then Harry was on the receiving end of a blinding Nice Guy Smile. He winced, covering his eyes with a hand. 

“HARRY-SAN THIS IS THE MOST WONDEROUS THING YOU COULD DO FOR ME.” 

“Oh for fuck’s… not again.” 

As Gai continued to monologue, Harry beat a hasty retreat. 

He may be willing to have a friendship with the man, but he was really only okay to have in small doses.

… … …

Figuring that his White Day shenanigans were over, Harry went home. He had just brewed a cup of tea to enjoy at the shared table when a small package was thrust in front of him. 

“Blondie,” Harry said, lowering the cup and taking the package. “What’s this?” 

Sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, Naruto laughed and replied, “I realized yesterday that you probably had a really shitty White Day and figured I’d give you something to make it up to you.” 

In utter shock, Harry stared at Naruto and then gave him a soft, sweet smile. “You’re a good kid, Blondie.” The words were said just as softly as his smile and his lamp holder blushed, feeling that warm, happy feeling in his chest again. 

It took just a few seconds to open the package and Harry was once more struck by how thoughtful this kid could be. It was a set of really nice sealing brushes and an ink stone. 

“I got Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei to buy some of my sealing scrolls. They both said they were really good. So I saved up and got you those. I just knew you’d love ‘em, dattebayo.” Naruto paused for a second, apprehensive, then looked at Harry. “You do love them, right?” 

Harry laughed, warm and genuine. “I do, Blondie.” He set the package down and pulled the kid into a tight hug. Naruto returned it whilst burning with happiness. 

“Happy White Day, Naruto.” 

“Happy White Day, Nii-san.” 

… … …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … … …
> 
> AN: YAAY WHITE DAY INTERLUDE. I have no desire to write normally. This is what I had meant this fic to be. Random moments like this. Then plot got involved. Bah. 
> 
> Flower meanings are taken from allflorists co uk. Gai’s gift ideas from Naruto were suggested to me by Scarlet Dewdrops. 
> 
> Flowers and their meanings:   
> Stripped carnation -- No, refusal, Sorry I can’t be with you   
> Yellow roses -- Friendship, Joy, Gladness  
> Dark pink rose -- Thankfulness  
> Abor Vitae -- Unchanging Friendship  
> Candytuft/candy tuff -- Indifference  
> Geranium (oak-leaved) -- True friendship, Lady  
> Gladioli -- I’m really sincere, Flower of the Gladiators  
> Gladiolus -- Strength of character, Generosity  
> Hyacinth (purple) -- Sorrow, Please forgive me  
> Love In A Mist -- You puzzle me  
> Zinnia (Magenta) -- Lasting affection
> 
> According to serenataflowers com, orange lilies mean hatred. Other flower dictionaries say different, but Scarlet Dewdrops and I found this funny lol.


	20. And I’ll say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt.
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t.
> 
> AN the second: This chapter takes place during Chapter 14, AFTER the SNSD Incident, but BEFORE Harry’s requested D-rank. 
> 
> ... ... ...

… … …

_Names have a certain amount of power._

_Names also have status. Or, rather, they give a person status._

_Freak. Boy. Scarface. The Chosen One. The Man Who Conquered. Master of Death._

_Demon Brat. Container. Jinchuuriki. Human Sacrifice._

_These all have power and they all have status._

_But not all names have a power like that. Sometimes it's as simple as a cherry blossom._

... ... ...

The first time Harry experienced Death’s Language, what he had so aptly called it, trying to translate a name he was stumped. It was not long after the final battle had finished and he was seeing Fleur again for the first time. 

When her name was said, Harry heard a weird double of both her name and of the word 'flower'. He brushed it off as just being tired. It was highly possible he was hallucinating due to the exhaustion of the day. 

And dying, not to forget that part. 

The problem was that it KEPT happening. Hearing Fleur and Flower. It got even worse when Harry overheard Fleur talking through the Floo with her sister back in France completely in French. 

Staggering really. 

The tiny wizard fell against the wall of the Burrow, alerting Molly to his presence, who immediately went about asking what was wrong. Harry, hearing two languages--English and French--in his head at one time, couldn't say much except to forcibly apparate away to forestall the oncoming headache. 

With time, Harry was able to adjust to this and even get to a point where he ignored it. The more he began to learn about a language, the easier it would get to disregard the 'double' language he always heard in his head. 

When Harry came out of the lamp in Naruto's world, it started all over again. Having had very little exposure to that language, both spoken and written, made everything confusing once more. 

That's why Harry laughed as he heard Naruto's name. He knew it was a name, but the first time hearing it always offered half a dozen translation. 

Hence: Fishcake. 

The more he heard a word as a name the better he got at distinguishing between the two. 

That is, unless, the name was commonly used as a word. 

Like Sakura. 

... ... ... 

The first time Harry heard the word, he definitely knew they were talking about the trees. Walking through a park with them in bloom left little to no doubt in his mind that the word ‘Sakura’ he heard below ‘Cherry Blossom’ was referring to the trees. 

Buuuuttttttttt…….. There was something that Harry had learned, with time, to call the ‘Naruto Effect’. Just when Harry thought things may be going one way, Naruto showed up and fucked it all up. 

Honestly, it was fun. He didn’t mind. 

So, one day, when Naruto came back from the academy gushing about ‘Sakura-chan’ (not that Harry understood the chan, for all that he heard it. Death’s Language didn’t translate it), Harry just assumed his lamp holder was referring to a tree. Because it was Naruto. Why not? Naruto effect, right? 

Nope. 

Well, yes, actually, the Naruto Effect. 

Harry was honestly disappointed in himself that it took as long as it did for him to figure out that Naruto was talking about a pink haired girl and not an actual tree. 

The problem with Death’s Language-- and hearing words as names-- was that when the name was a commonly used word, the language never settled. 

Therefore Harry was left hearing double. Always. 

… … …

“GENIE-NII-CHAN, HURRY UP. WE DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME AND I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MY TEAM, DATTEBAYO.” 

Harry sighed as he continued to follow along behind Naruto. “You do know this isn’t the first time I’ve met them, right?” 

“I thought we didn’t talk about that day,” Naruto questioned, turning around to jog backward as they made their way to the training grounds. 

Harry’s mouth opened for a moment as he thought about that… then he looked away. 

“You’re right, of course; that never happened. I’m so excited to meet your team.” While his tone barely changed for both sentences, his eye roll definitely gave away his opinion for the latter. 

Naruto returned it with his own eye roll before tripping. He didn’t fall, though! Just rolled himself right back up to his feet, muttering, “I meant to do that.” 

Harry snorted a laugh. 

Soon they were meandering into the training grounds where Sasuke was already doing some stretches. Sakura was sitting seiza, watching him. 

The hearts were obvious in her eyes and made Harry cringe. 

Gross. 

“Is she always like that?” Harry asked, blunt. He didn’t even whisper. Or stage whisper. He just deadpanned because, seriously, what the fuck? 

This question gained the attention of the S-named Kids. Sakura looked like she was getting angry, especially when Naruto confirmed that, yes, she was a nasty little fangirl. Sasuke just… sighed. 

Half a second later, glitter settled onto Sasuke’s blue clothes, contaminating it with the Herpes of Crafts. 

“Awww~” Harry’s dainty hand landed on Sasuke’s head, ruffling it--and he almost got a kunai to the face for his troubles. The action naturally just made Harry laugh, despite barely being able to dodge the thing. Thank goodness for Magic. 

“You’re so SAD,” Harry cooed as he managed to dodge another swipe of that kunai, yet again because of magic. Naruto was shouting, but he did that a lot so he was easy to ignore. 

“You think you’re so cool, but you are really…” Harry paused, poofing himself a bit farther away so he didn’t get stabbed. Didn’t want to die, Naruto didn’t know about his ability to … not stay dead… yet, “You are really just so sad, aren’t you?” 

Harry tilted his head, a sad smile on his face as he looked at Sasuke from his perch on a training post. He could remember being and acting like Sasuke and being like that… it wasn’t very helpful. 

“You are so … emo. Like a… delusion riddled angst muffin.” Here Harry twisted his hand to pull something out of his pocket dimension and poofed back over a stewing Sasuke. “Here. Look. It’s you.” He handed over the blueberry muffin. “Except this muffin is considerably happier.

“More delicious too,” Harry added after a pause, taking a bite. In Harry’s prior spot on the training post, Death intoned in a rasp of decaying bones.

YOU DO KNOW HIS WHOLE CLAN WAS MASSACRED, RIGHT?

Harry shrugged in response, taking another bite from his muffin and trotting back to Naruto who was minorly shocked at Harry’s little display. Not the nicest thing to say, eh Harry? (And offering him snacks doesn’t make it okay). What was wrong with him? Another shrug and another bite brushed that thought away for later. 

The silence that pervaded next was awkward. 

Naturally, Naruto broke it, Naruto Effect in full… effect. 

“Uhhh… Genie-nii-chan! This is Sakura-chan!” Queue a forced smile, wide eyes, and panic. 

Harry response was a really slow blink as his brain tried to filter the double language in his head. Also to glare a bit at Death, who was still standing on the training post. 

This… did not make it less awkward. 

Naruto persisted. “He’s usually not like this,” he tried to reassure his teammate… but she DID remember the last time they met, even if Harry and Naruto never spoke of it. 

“I apologize Cherry Bl--...” Harry paused, smacked his lips a few times, pulling his gaze back to the pink haired genin in front of him. “Sakura, right?” Saying it did not stop the double language. Under his breath he said it a few more times, trying to make the auto-correct of Death’s Language recognize it as a name. Like programming the predictive text on a cell phone. 

Because of Harry’s silence, the atmosphere was still uncomfortable. Did Harry completely forget about his own unique effect on the world around him? Probably. Was the awkwardness of Harry totally ignoring Naruto’s introduction of Sakura making the kid’s eye twitch? Absolutely.

Naruto opened his mouth, looking from Harry to Sakura a few times, then gave a little nervous laugh. 

“HAH!” Harry shouted, feeling his brain actually click into the right spot. “I got it now. Hi Sakura.” Harry twisted his hand once more and produced a fresh muffin. Hell, it was still warm. 

“Here,” the wizard placated, placing the baked piece of heaven in her hand, “I apologize for acting weird. I would explain, but I honestly don’t feel like it. Plus you wouldn’t understand anyway, so.” A single shoulder, narrow and small like the rest of the petite wizard-turned-genie, rose and fell in a shrug. 

“Hey, angst muffin,” Harry offered, picking a blueberry from his half-eaten muffin. “Hungry?” And he flicked it towards Sasuke. This was done with the expectation that the genin would dodge. 

He didn’t. 

And right up his nose went the tiny little blueberry, as if by magic (it wasn’t magic, just the Harry Effect mixed with the Naruto Effect for [debatably] disastrous results). 

Two nearly identical snorts of laughter came from the shortest in the field. Naruto fell to the ground almost immediately, especially after getting a good look at Sasuke’s disgusted face. The boy had immediately batted at his face, but his shocked gasp had made the blueberry just travel farther up his nose. 

Sakura was torn between the gleeful cackling of her Inner, and indignation because of how they were treating her precious Sasuke-kun. She couldn’t possibly express Inner’s crass reaction, Sasuke would never forgive her and then they would never get married and have eight hundred million babies. 

Harry had absolutely no compunctions about laughing at the poor boy, but he did at least try to offer him a conjured tissue for his unfortunate blueberry problem. 

A part of Sasuke still wanted to stab this short teen? for what he had said, but since he really needed that tissue, he snatched it away and used it to extract the blueberry. 

“If I was prone to giving people nicknames, I’d totally call you Blueberry now. But, as I’m not, you’re lucky.” Harry Banished his half-eaten muffin and pulled another out of his pocket dimension and offered this one to Sasuke. Always come prepared because food is the best way to make a friend. Ron proved that. And there were no Trolls around.

There could be, but Harry didn’t feel like transfiguring one. 

He also didn’t really care if he had a friendship with these kids because they were kids and he was an adult, but they were Naruto’s teammates and Naruto was important to him. 

Therefore: Food. 

Anyway, time to get back on track.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the muffin and actually responded aloud, “You really expect me to eat that after what just happened?” 

Harry blinked several times at the pre-teen then nodded. 

The two stared at each other for an entire minute. 

Sasuke couldn’t believe this man had nonverbally challenged him to something as juvenile as a staring contest. Sasuke would crush him. 

Harry was thinking about that bedframe he had to repair and deliver that afternoon… which he really didn’t want to do… the delivery part anyway… and this thought gave him an idea for later. 

Sakura glanced between the two and wondered if maybe she shouldn’t have taken Harry’s muffin? 

The creepy smile that spread over Harry’s face then caused both S-named kids to step back from the tiny genie. The laughter, slow and ever so pleased, didn’t help either. 

In true Naruto fashion, he ignored everyone. “You should really try one of Genie-nii-chan’s muffins, Sasuke. I don’t know what kind of crack he puts in his food, ‘ttebayo, but it’s almost better than ramen. I KNOW!” He shouted, throwing up his hands as if to ward off anything they may have said to what he had dared to utter. 

“I know,” Naruto continued, “But I said almost. Nothing could be better than Ramen,” the capital letter clear in the way he said the word. He followed up this statement up with, “Praise be to the Gods of Ramen.” The blond took a moment to actually send a prayer to the sky, hands clasped as he glanced upward. 

“Praise be,” Harry replied, encouraging this behavior like a good? (maybe?) guardian? He may have reached up as if to grasp a necklace too, but naaahhhhh. Not yet, anyway. 

Sasuke was saved from having to respond by the arrival of Kakashi. 

His Shunshin landed him directly in front of Harry. The jounin sensei managed to catch the muffin that Harry dropped when the genie yelped and hid behind Naruto as if that shorty could really protect him (or even hide him) from Kakashi. 

That single eye opened wide, muffin brought to his nose for a deep sniff. 

“Smells nice.” And somehow they all blinked and a bite was taken from that Piece of Heaven. 

The fuck? 

“Uhh…” Harry peeked his head out from over Naruto’s shoulder, the whole scene way too cute for the average viewer (or Sakura, who couldn’t hold in her coo). “How the fuck did he do that?” This time Harry did bother to stage whisper.

“You appear out of nowhere all the time,” Naruto replied. 

“I meant eating the muffin without us seeing --GAH HE DID IT AGAIN!” Harry shouted directly into Naruto’s ear like an asshole, pointing over the blond genin’s shoulder at the jounin. 

Sure enough, another bite was gone and Kakashi was plainly chewing. 

“Maybe… a genjutsu?” Sakura offered, trying to be the ‘smart one of the group’. 

Naruto quickly made a seal with one hand and said ‘Kai’ trying to break the genjutsu if there was one. Sakura followed up since Naruto sucked at that shit and she couldn’t possibly trust any result he got. Obviously. 

Sasuke, who would never want to be seen following the lead of the Fangirl Menace and the Dobe Extraordinaire, tried it out as well because he was too curious despite himself. He attempted to be circumspect with his hand sign, but the adults caught him out easily.

Kakashi cackled, on the inside. As if a couple of genins could break his genjutsu. 

The fact it was working on Harry was a bit shocking, but Harry wasn’t very good with chakra since he couldn’t mold it well himself. Something he would have to work on, then. 

“Well, this was fun,” Harry announced, destroying the moment they were all having. “Blondie, have fun at school, ‘kay?” A scroll was dropped onto the spiky blond head before Harry vanished, his poof leaving more glitter around. 

“School?” Sakura questioned, confusion clear on her face. 

Naruto just shrugged, grabbing the scroll and checking the contents. Ooo, food. Very nice. “Well, we’re supposed to be learning, so…” The look he sent at Kakashi would have been way more effective if he wasn’t a small 12-year-old. 

“Mission time!” Kakashi clapped his hands, ignoring the suggestion to actually teach them something. Yeah, right. As if. 

… … …

Harry had received a summons to go and see the Hokage. This was a surprise, and yet it was not. Since becoming a genin, Naruto hadn’t pulled nearly as many pranks, but at the same time Harry was Naruto’s guardian and the wizard knew that Sarutobi liked to keep tabs on the blond. 

But, if the old man thought that he could boss him around like one of his shinobi, Harry would make sure he got a double dose of the Harry Effect in the form of song, dance, streamers, confetti, and the unholy mess that would never fully go away, unless the place was burned down to the ground: glitter.

Poofing directly into the Hokage’s secretary’s office, Harry made sure that he had all of the necessary ingredients for a spectacular entrance ready. 

He started by startling the secretary, completing the whole thing by posing in his sparkling, blue and purple outfit. The turban, larger than he was tall, may have been a bit much. 

He didn’t care. 

Naturally, the secretary yelped, but only because he was new to the job. A stereotypical desk chuunin, he had drawn the short stick for secretary duty for the very first time in his career just a week prior. He figured it was just keeping the Hokage’s schedule, so no problem, right? He could handle it. 

But this? ……………????? 

Harry maintained his pose, waiting for the man to react in some fashion. Slowly, the desk chuunin began to clap, the question plain as day on his face: Why is this my life?

“Do you... have an appointment?” The secretary finally ventured, glancing between the Hokage’s schedule and the weird… teen? In front of him. 

“I do.” Harry shot off a wink and trotted towards the door. 

Which he proceeded to kick open. 

A large fanfare accompanied him, the previously summoned supplies exploding in grandeur to complete his entrance. 

Music, Confetti, Feathers, and finally... 

“SAAAAAA~RU~TOBI, FABULOUS HE, GOD OF SHINOOOOOBBBBIIIIII~~” Harry sang the words, arms thrown wide. Several birds flew across the room carrying streamers--they had been inside his turban, which had exploded after he’d entered the room. 

“SMART AS TEN REGULAR NIN, DEFINITELY~~~” 

The ANBU, used to loud noises thanks to Naruto as well as other eccentric nin (coughcoughGaicough), barely moved. The chaos that followed thanks to the Harry Effect made them a bit jumpy though. 

Why could they hear an elephant? Did Harry have an elephant? 

“Ah, Harry-san.” Sarutobi blinked mildly, not at all affected by the entrance. “It’s nice to see you’re on time.” 

With his mouth open to launch into the second verse, Harry paused and just… pouted. 

“You… ... Nothing?” Harry’s pout was ridiculously effective, and anybody less skilled than those currently in the office would have cooed at the sight. 

Plenty did in the privacy of their own head, though, of course. 

The hands that Harry held outstretched from the last bit of singing he’d done threw the glitter within ineffectively towards Sarutobi, who was so remarkably composed that Harry was almost angry. 

“Kuma-san, Neko-san.” The fact that the Hokage was openly addressing them pulled two of the who-knows-how-many ANBU out of the shadows to kneel in front of Sarutobi’s desk. 

“Sir.” 

“Don’t you know it’s polite to applaud when someone gives you a show?” Sarutobi didn’t bother to look up from the work he was doing, carefully reading through and signing or rejecting where necessary.

No one bothered to mention that the Hokage hadn’t clapped as the two called upon ANBU rose from their kneeling position to clap slowly, similarly to how the desk chuunin had not 10 minutes ago. The fact that Harry could see the same looks on their faces even though they were wearing masks was interesting. 

What was more interesting were their names. 

“Wait. Wait. Wait.” Harry slowly walked over to the Hokage’s desk, his fanciful outfit stripping off in glittering waves as he walked, revealing his normal tunic and baggy pants beneath as he did.

“Just… Wait.” Standing next to the desk, Harry angled his head back to look at the two in front of the desk, not even bothering to be indignant about the fact they were so bloody tall. At least Sarutobi wasn’t a fucking giant. Though he was still taller than Harry. 

Asshole. 

Anyway. 

Harry pointed a slim finger up at the one with the bear mask and simply said, “Your name is Bear?” His finger slowly moved to the other. “And you’re called Cat?” The struggle Harry had with these words was very real, his pronunciation of such simple sounds totally skewed by the double language Harry kept hearing. 

Smacking his lips to try to exercise his tongue from the awkwardness, Harry just pulled a face and looked between the, now, openly amused Hokage, and confused ANBU. 

“What the fuck?” He deadpanned. 

Sarutobi laughed. 

“Oh, Harry-san,” utterly entertained, the Hokage glanced at the wizard with a soft look. “They’re code names.” As if explaining to a child. 

Harry took exception to that and flicked some extra glitter in Sarutobi’s face, who froze and made a mental note to create a D rank to get this mess cleaned up. Harry misinterpreted that look and poofed behind the convenient meat shields in the room to hide. 

“Still, why B--... Bear!?” The word almost came out in English. “Why not something like fuck, I don’t know…...” His pause was lengthy as Harry tried to think of something. 

“Animals are simple. Plus the masks.” Sarutobi pointed out. The two ANBU shifted just enough to glance at each other through the eye holes in their masks, wondering if they should go back to hiding. Somehow they managed to ask this of each other without even using hand signs. 

Suddenly, Harry shouted, “Paddington!” ANBU Bear turned to stare at Harry in that way of his. Harry stared right back. ANBU Bear may be creepy, but Harry had been living in a lamp with only Death as a companion for WAY too long. 

Harry was the clear winner. 

ANBU Bear was a little put out by that…

Sarutobi cleared his throat, gaining the attention of all in the room. “The names of my ANBU are fine as they are Harry-san.” Not to mention the name Harry had apparently chosen was simply too long. 

The wizard in question pouted once more and looked up at the ANBU in the bear mask, “But…” Then he looked at Sarutobi, then the ANBU. Then the other ANBU. Then shrugged. “Whatever, I can always just call them whatever the fuck I want, eh? Like a nickname. Eh, Paddington?” He flashed a smile at ANBU Bear before looking at ANBU Cat. “And I’ll say… you can beeee….. Tom. OH! Jerry!?” Harry rose up on his tiptoes to look more intently at ANBU Cat, “Is there a mouse ANBU? Do you two get along?”

Once more the two ANBU shared a look before turning sideways to glance at Sarutobi. The Hokage, amused by the whole scene, gave them a wave which dismissed them back to their shadows. 

They prompted disappeared. 

Harry looked around as they did, impressed. Another cough brought his attention back to Sarutobi and Harry smiled once more. 

“As entertaining as that all was, Harry-san, I did call you here for a reason.” 

“Ah, yes, right.” Harry trotted back to the desk. “What’s up?” 

Sarutobi narrowed his eyes at the nonsensical question, then blinked it away. “We’ve discussed your learning of fuuninjutsu before, and I wanted to inform you that I have managed to track down a master of the art to test you in it.” 

That news perked Harry’s interest and he showed that visually by straightening. 

“He’ll be here within a few months,” continued the Hokage, eyes returning to his work. “Once you’ve passed his test and are qualified, you will be allowed to teach the discipline to Naruto in an official capacity--as well as any others who are interested in learning, I hope.” 

‘I hope,’ Harry mentally snorted. That definitely sounded like an order. However, Harry wasn’t opposed to the idea. Teaching was fun--Naruto reminded him of that. Nevertheless, he was still unwilling to give a firm answer in a world of ever-changing circumstances, not to mention the lamp, so Harry replied, “Let’s get me officially qualified first before you consider throwing students at me.”

A seasoned diplomat, Sarutobi let the subject drop for later negotiation. 

They exchanged a bit of banal conversation about Naruto since Sarutobi liked to keep tabs on his favorite blond genin. Once they were finished, Harry threw off a saucy salute and popped, like a balloon, leaving more glitter in his wake. 

As the wizard left, Sarutobi carefully refrained from sighing as he eyed all the glitter in the room. After decades in the position of Hokage, he’d become quite adept at the art of multitasking, and had filled out the required mission form to get this all cleaned up. With half a thought on his next piece of paperwork, he paged in his secretary. 

When the desk chuunin appeared, Sarutobi handed over the scroll. "Get this mission assigned as quickly as possible." 

"Yes, sir!" The chuunin said, taking the scroll and running off to the missions’ desk. 

**A few hours later.**

"Hello, Everyone! I have wonderful news!" Kakashi poofed into the middle of his three eating ducklings. Sakura still jumped when he did that. Naruto was used to it, because Harry. Sasuke was dead inside, so he didn't react much. 

"Mou," Kakashi moped, tapped the scroll against his palm. "I guess we don't want this urgent mission direct from the Hokage himself~" 

One of those key buzzwords worked and their lunches were quickly packed away. 

"What will we be doing Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked with big batting eyes and her hands laced together under her chin, trying to act cute for some reason. 

"We will be fighting off a perilous enemy. Come, and see." 

**A few minutes later, in the Hokage's office.**

Team 7 stared at the massive amount of glitter in the office, the Hokage having relocated. 

"This... is totally Genie-nii-chan's fault, isn't it," Naruto grumbled, poking at the glitter with his sandal. 

Bad idea... It puffed up and sprinkled onto his toes. 

The blond's eye started to twitch. Harry would pay for this. 

… … …

OMAKE BY SCARLETDEWDROPS: 

Harry was busy at the kitchen sink, getting ingredients prepped for dinner when the door slammed open to reveal what appeared to be Naruto’s best attempt at mimicking the angriest disco ball ever. Or an irate unicorn, without its horn. His teammates must have thrown some glitter at him because it was everywhere - on his clothes, his skin, in his hair, and there was even a full handprint on his shoulder. Perfect Patronus fuel in the making.

Harry tried to stifle the laughter but it escaped as a snort and snowballed into a guffaw. Unable to look at it anymore, Harry hand-waved away the glitter to try and calm himself down. He eventually got to the point where he could speak without gasping between syllables and welcomed Naruto home. 

Naruto huffed out a breath, torn between relief at the itchy stuff that clung to him being gone and anger that he’d had to spend the last four hours cleaning up after his Genie-nii-chan. 

Naruto still had to know. “Why?” 

Harry gave him a shrug, “Why not? Yolo and all that.” He turned off the water, totally ignoring Naruto’s confused look at the strange new word, and wiped off his hands then moved to stand in front of Naruto. He told him kindly with a muss of blond hair, “At least tomorrow when they’re still covered in the stubborn leftovers, you’ll be fresh and clean.”

Naruto perked up and a mischievous smile crossed his face at the thought of a sulking Sasuke trying to hide the surviving flakes of what would no doubt be a war against the stuff tonight. 

Harry neglected to mention that Naruto should probably avoid physical contact with his team if he wanted to stay glitter-less tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … … …
> 
> AN: Thanks to Scarletdewdrops for basically beta-ing this for me? Also, I got inspired for this by seeing the Cherry Blossoms here in Korea… but that was April and it’s June (July???[future self: yes, July.]), so the original thought of this chapter was very much so lost lol.


	21. Abracadabra -- Let 'er RIP!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt.
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t.
> 
> ... ... ...

... ... ...

_The magic of this world is very.... different._

_Granted it isn't magic and doesn't feel like magic, but I like to call it magic because that pisses off Blondie so much. _

_Oh, and it defies the rules of fucking nature. No big._

_I found out quickly that I couldn't do the things that the shinobi could do._

_But._

_But I could make approximations with my magic._

_Learning about them was still fun, however._

... ... ...

When Harry's lamp first landed in this new world or dimension or whatever, he could feel the magic immediately. It was wild and powerful and oh so very different. 

Once he was released from his lamp by Naruto he could feel the magic more acutely, though he was mighty distracted by his latest lamp holder to do much about it. 

Naruto quickly showed off what jutsu he knew to Harry and Harry attempted to do the same, because why not try it, but it was readily apparent that he could not shape chakra well at all. 

Magic, yes. Chakra, no. 

Magic could do many things, including mimic the effects of chakra. It wasn't the same, of course, but it was similar. 

And once Harry learned fuuinjutsu, the rest was history. 

But he still liked to learn about interesting jutsu...

... ... ...

The first jutsu Harry figured out how to copy was the Henge from Naruto. Their first shopping trip had Harry explaining what exactly it was that he'd done and then Naruto waxing poetic about how 'Genie-chan was such an awesome shinobi' and Harry explaining 'fuck that, I'm a wizard'. 

It took a few days but Harry was able to use his magic to replicate the 'smoke' that he saw before Naruto would perform a henge--or other shinobi, since Naruto wasn't great at that jutsu quite yet-- and when he performed the illusion magic, it appeared to others as if he had just done the henge. 

The smoke was the key. 

Smoke that he decided to play with. 

That's what led to Harry's green smoke and glitter apparition style, but that is a story for another day. 

(Also, it's just really not amusing. He just figured he'd fuck with Naruto some more by changing it up). 

... ... ...

Harry had been in Konoha for a while before he finally decided to confront his stalker known as Anko.

He didn't mind having a stalker, but her insistence that he wasn't MALE was... rather annoying. 

Concluding from her prior behavior with him that it was, apparently, acceptable to sneak up on people when they weren’t expecting it was somehow appropriate, Harry popped up behind her and went ‘boo’ in her ear.

The Hidden Shadow Snake Hands technique she shot at him should have been expected. 

It wasn't. 

"Gah!!" Harry shouted, staring at the snakes that had not only bitten him but wrapped around him as well. "The fuck!?" He wiggled a bit, pouting at the pain. 

"Shit! Genie-chan!" Anko quickly dispelled the snakes, looking at his wounds. "Thank fuck it's just superficial..." She said of the wound before smacking him on the back of the head, causing the tiny genie to stumble. 

"What were you thinking! You don't sneak up on shinobi like that!" She berated him, but Harry wasn't paying attention, even as he held his head after the hit. It was telling how preoccupied he was that he didn’t even bother with a comeback saying that she’d started it or something.

There was a small silence then Harry looked up at her, eyes sparkling. "Were those snakes real?" 

"Eh?" 

"Do I need to speak more slowly? Were...those... snakes--"

"Shut up! No," Anko managed to laugh, "They were shadows. I can summon real snakes though." The information was volunteered, seeing as it was well known that she had signed the Snake Summoning Scroll. 

Harry's eyes, alight with joy, stared at her with determination. "Show me." 

"Eehh... Okay." With a shrug, Anko went through the hand seals after biting her thumb, slamming her hand on the ground. A poof of smoke later and there was a tiny snake. 

"What is it, Anko-chan?" The snake turned to look at her, scenting the air and then swiveling to look at Harry. The snake scented again, slithering over to Harry who had knelt on the ground. 

" _Hello_ ," Harry hissed out at the snake, causing the summons to freeze. Its head whipped back and forth between its summoner and the boy-man who smelled of snakes, fire, death, and... something else... in front of it. 

Anko took a slow step forward, crouching down to the ground as well. "Genie-chan?" She asked, worried that maybe the jutsu she used had poisoned the tiny genie--but the bite wound didn't look it...

The summons went towards Harry's outstretched hand, curling up into it. Cautiously it hissed, "You can speak?" 

Harry, sitting back on his bent legs, laughed. 

... ... ...

It didn't take long for Harry to learn that he couldn't do the Summoning Jutsu, even though he very much wanted to. He could conjure snakes easily with ‘Serpensortia’, but he was pleasantly surprised to find that with the Elder Wand and an extra twist of the hand, he could use the spell to summon Anko’s contract snakes if he’d already been introduced. 

He had to use his wand, though, and it only worked once out of every five attempts. Still, Harry was able to bring a few of the Summoning snakes to him for conversation, if he wanted. 

What was even more fun was trying to figure out how to copy Anko's Hidden Shadow Snake Hands jutsu. This one he didn't need his wand for, and he was actually summoning real snakes--not like her Shadows--but it was fun nonetheless. 

Harry's version acted more like a party cracker that shot out snakes instead of streamers and confetti. 

It was very effective. 

... ... ...

"Well, I think it's stupid Shikaku." 

Harry was obviously griping, so he did not expect nor much appreciate the rich belly laugh that came from the leader of the Nara clan. In fact, it startled Harry to the point where he just pouted in retaliation 

"Not nice," his voice was petulant and the hand he smacked against Shikaku's arm was weak, so the man allowed it. 

"However great your skills, Harry-san, it's natural to accept that there are some things it can't do. My shadow jutsu is one of them." His voice was warm and the words were said with good-natured humor. "In this, chakra is clearly stronger." 

Harry's pout remained. "You know I could turn you into a deer, right?" 

Shikaku just chuckled. 

"Maybe I should turn you into a mouse." 

"I think it would be interesting." Or troublesome, but Shikaku didn’t say that. 

Harry harrumphed and stomped his foot. It was dainty and childish and Shikaku laughed harder. 

"You're not fazed by anything, are you?" 

"Very little, Harry-san." 

There was another huff from the tiny genie, who folded his arms over his chest and looked out near the training fields they were walking next to. 

Slowly, Harry came to a stop, eyes glued to the right. A soft 'woah' of surprise was released and then the genie meandered closer to what he saw. Shikaku, noticing his companion's distraction, followed. 

What had caught Harry's attention was a spar between two shinobi: Kakashi and Gai. Neither was holding back and Harry was enthralled by the jutsu that Kakashi was throwing around. 

The main thing of interest was, naturally, the fireballs. 

With fire sparkling in his eyes, Harry looked up to Shikaku, "Did he just spit out a giant fireball?" 

Shikaku, barely suppressing his mirth, nodded. "It's called Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique." 

"I want to do that." 

There was a moment of pause as Shikaku considered it. "Could your skills manage something like that?" 

Harry tilted his head, tapping his hairless chin with a slim finger. "Probably..." The single word was drawn out as he considered it himself. 

As Harry lapsed into silence, watching and contemplating, Shikaku was content to stand and watch his jounins' skills. 

A few other fire techniques drew a noise from Harry. The Earth Release: Earth Shaker Technique, a weaker version of the Earth Wave Technique, caused Harry to giggle. He softly sang, "The hills are alive~" to himself, earning him a weird look from Shikaku. 

Once Kakashi and Gai had finished their spar, Shikaku decided to go talk with them and slowly meandered over in what Harry was coming to recognize as a ‘Nara’ way of walking, though his focus was nowhere near Shikaku at the moment. It was on that jutsu. Harry remained where he was, fingering the Elder Wand as he considered how to mimic that absolutely glorious fireball. 

Several minutes had passed by the time Harry finally attempted his own fireball. Since he was using his wand, he kind of overdid it a bit, and the fireball was seen from the front gates. 

If Kakashi hadn’t been there with a well-placed water jutsu, the spell may have started a forest fire. 

If the absolutely ridiculous grin on Harry’s face was anything to go by, he was very pleased with the outcome of that spell. 

“Grand Fireball,” he announced with that same slightly demonic smile stretching his features. 

Kakashi and Shikaku had to resist the urge to facepalm. Shikaku because it was too much of a bother, and Kakashi because it would mess up his mask. 

Gai was another story entirely. 

“SUCH FLAMES OF YOUTH. LITERAL FLAMES. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL FLOWER!” Gai gushed, his hands clasped together in front of him as tears sparkled in his eyes. “I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH FANTASTIC ENTHUSIASM APPLIED TO THE KATON JUTSU!! OH, MY MOST WONDROUS HARRY WOULD BE A MARVELOUS SHINOBI--” 

“He’s not stopping again,” Harry whimpered, looking about for a place to hide. The convenient meat shields were actually closer to the … to Gai. 

Suddenly, a giant sunset appeared behind Gai as he continued to speak of his … uh … joy. Twin waterfalls of Manly Tears streaked down the Green Beast’s face as he extolled the virtues of those around him. 

Harry was distracted, however, by the sunset. He could… SMELL IT? Why could he smell it. 

Intrigued, Harry moved his way forward hesitantly, coming to stand behind Shikaku. He grabbed the back of the man’s deerskin vest, peeking out around the Head Jounin at the sunset. 

“Is it just me or can you smell that too?” 

“Hmm?” The Nara had stopped paying attention and zoned out very spectacularly, so he brought his focus back to the present. “Smell what?” 

“The sunset,” Harry declared with a point. “I can smell the ocean. And hear it. Is it… is that a real place?” With a bit of a push, Harry moved Shikaku forward to get a closer look. 

Now that he was focused, Shikaku could admit… yes. He COULD actually smell Gai’s sunset. But… “That’s just part of a genjutsu, Harry-san. That you can smell and hear and feel it.” But a part of him doubted his own words… 

Still hiding, Harry tilted his head. Then he brandished his wand again and, imagining the glitter-covered Naruto, sent off his Patronus into the sunset. And that giant stag which hadn’t changed even after all this time trotted right into the image, kicking up sand in its wake. 

Shikaku watched with the faintest amount of shock on his features. “Okay. Not genjutsu.” 

Curious despite himself, Harry stepped out from behind Shikaku and demanded of Gai, “Teach me.” 

Naturally, this shut up the Green Beast who turned to look at Harry in confused hope. “Pardon?” 

“Show me how you did that.” That being the sunset that Harry pointed to. “It’s real. That’s not genjutsu. Show me how.” 

Gai looked between his sunset, the disappearing Patronus, and Harry. And then had the audacity to look sheepish. “Well…” 

Emboldened by his desire to learn, Harry stepped right up to the man and shook him by his Jounin vest. “SHOW ME HOW!” 

A pink flush went over Gai’s features due to Harry’s closeness and when the Jounin continued to deflect, Harry sighed. Gai could see that pout stretching over Harry’s face as the genie muttered, “Maybe Kakashi could show me…” Harry even looked away, releasing Gai as he turned to where Kakashi had been. (Kakashi had escaped earlier like the ninja he is). 

Well, that just wouldn’t do at all.

“NO!” Gai shouted, grabbing Harry and pulling him into a suffocating hug. “NOooo~!” Then he spun them both around and dipped Harry in an (over)dramatic tango. “I, THE GLORIOUS GREEN BEAST OF KONOHA, SHALL BE THE ONE TO TEACH YOU MY UTMOST STUPENDOUS JUTSU!” 

Just as Harry was starting to think that maybe this was a bad idea and maybe he really should ask Kakashi instead of Gai, he watched the jutsu shift and change from a sunset on a beach to a rooftop… and… Was... WAS THAT THE FUCKING EIFFEL TOWER!?? 

… … …

Apparently, learning Gai’s jutsu wasn’t nearly as easy as Harry thought it would be. Trying to mimic it with his magic was even harder since it seemingly worked like a fucking portal to real places--something Gai didn’t even know until Harry looked closer at it. 

Harry was able to mimic it with illusions, though he didn't achieve the true portal. That was something he would definitely have to work on. When Gai asked what an illusion was, Harry said, “It’s like a henge. Like.” Harry hand waved, then grabbed the sides of his head and ripped himself in half while saying: 

“Abracadabra, let ‘er rip.” 

At first, Gai was terrified because his Absolutely Most Wondrous and Grand Harry had torn himself in half… Then he realized it was just like a genjutsu and he calmed down. This happened in less than two seconds, so it couldn’t be seen on his face. 

Once Harry reappeared hale and hearty, Gai wrapped around him like an Octopus. 

"HARRY MY STAGGERING, STUNNING, SUPERB, AND SPECTACULAR SUGAR PLUM HOW SURELY SENSATIONAL THAT YOU HAVE MASTERED THIS JUTSU AND THEN WENT AND MADE IT YOUR OWN."

"Please get off me," Harry replied as calmly as he could, even though he was clearly panicking inside. “And did you just call me ‘Sugar Plum’?” 

Thank goodness that Shikaku was still around to come to Harry's rescue. 

"Gai, don't your students need you?" Even though the scene was vastly amusing, there was no use provoking the powerful genie. 

Maito Gai, the Powerful Green Beast of Konoha, gasped and released Harry with a loud, "YOU'RE RIGHT!" Shouting because he had no other volume setting. "I MUST GO FIND THEM AT ONCE, AND IF I CAN'T FIND THEM WITHIN…" 

Harry retreated as Gai continued to yell, taking a step towards Shikaku and actually clutching a hand onto the man's deerskin vest again. "Thank you," croaked the genie, tugging at his collar. "No touchy." The simple phrase was accompanied by a definite shudder. 

Shikaku laughed and lead Harry away, Gai still rambling behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... ...
> 
> AN: Are you ready to get back into the plot? Because the next chapter will be. Maybe. Possibly.   
> AN 2.0: /loud snort. I’ve been working on this chapter for 5 fucking months. I started it in April, finished it in August, and will be posting it in September (on FFN). I’ve been busy? (I did visit 2 different countries in that time period, and had summer camp classes, not to mention the end of the semester report cards, so it IS a valid excuse).


	22. You got me Bona fide, Certified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt.
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t.
> 
> Beta’d by Scarletdewdrops. 
> 
> ... ... ...

... ... ...

_When did I get to be so complacent about my lot in life?_

_When did I stop trying to learn more about it?_

_When did I start just letting time pass me by?_

_WHEN DID I STOP FIGHTING??_

_WHEN!!! ...Did I stop being.... human?_

... ... ...

In all the time that Naruto spent with his grief about what happened in Wave, Harry was having his own deep thoughts. The trip back into the lamp after being out of it for so long was a great reminder of what a prison it was... and it was a prison, wasn't it? It was something he should hate. It was small, and dark until his magic changed it. But that didn't change the fact it was a prison. 

It was the new "Cupboard Under the Stairs". 

And, honestly, fuck that shit. Why should he be OKAY with being stuck in the lamp? He was never okay with being stuck in his cupboard, so why was he okay with _this_? 

Why indeed. 

Harry slowly became aware of his tea-drinking partner calling his name. Blinking back to reality, he turned to look at the pupilless eyes of Inoichi. "Did you say something?" 

"I've been calling your name for a few minutes, Harry-san," Inoichi explained, setting down the experimental tea they were drinking. It was okay--kind of tasted like brewed grass though. "Is something wrong? It's rare to catch you off-guard like that." For all that Harry wasn't a shinobi, he had odd habits that were shinobi-like. 

"Ah," was Harry's reply. He wondered if he should share... "You used to work at T&I, yeah?" 

Startled by the non-sequitur, Inoichi nodded mutely. 

"So you can probably keep a secret, well. Here's a doozy. Blondie's nickname for me is very literal. I am a genie, stuck--bound to a lamp. I have no idea how much time I have spent inside of the lamp, but outside of it, several decades have passed. A year can feel like a day; 10 minutes; a week. It changes. I hate it..." Harry trailed off, "Or I did. In the beginning." 

Harry turned to Inoichi, "Can you just forget to hate something that is so in your nature to be against? Can you... become okay... with prison?" 

There was too much in those few sentences for Inoichi to try to process. Harry being an actual genie, the differences in time--just how old was the ... apparently NOT teenager across from him? 

Deciding to address what he could, Inoichi began with, "Why don't you start from the beginning?" 

So Harry did. In the two-plus years that Harry had been in Konoha, there were a few people who he had grown to trust and Inoichi was one of them. The fact that Inoichi was helping Harry brew proper English tea helped. And Inoichi already knew that he couldn't die, so expounding on that with the truth: "I'm the Master of Death. Can't die, no aging, live forever, the whole shebang." 

During the whole thing, Inoichi was desperately wishing for a paper and pencil, hands itching to make notes and write down questions. He voiced this, at one point, and Harry magicked them up for the blond in a casual show of power. As someone who HADN'T seen the show Harry had done for Naruto and Konohamaru first hand, it was the first he had really seen of Harry's magic. Regardless, Inoichi could now write down his questions. 

In the end, it was he who summarized. 

"So you're stuck, bound to the lamp, as far as you know." That addition phrase sparked something in Harry and he turned sharp eyes Onto Inoichi to continue listening. "Your age is indeterminate: anywhere from 79, maybe, to nearly 200, according to the time that has passed 'outside of the lamp'." 

Inoichi looked up as he spoke the next part. "You are, apparently, from another dimension." His tone gave nothing away, even though he couldn’t fully believe it. However, he had no choice BUT to believe it. It did, alas, explain a lot. "And you can't die. You don't age. You feel a 'bond with your lamp holder', your words, and 'pain when we're apart.' Again, your words.

"Whenever you're inside the lamp your feelings are..." Inoichi flipped back to look at his notes, "Muted. You don't eat, you don't sleep, and you can't feel time passing--hence the age problem. When you first were trapped, you read about ways you could maybe break the bond, but eventually, you stopped looking, accepting that this was your fate." He looked up to Harry who was nodding, an unhappy grimace on his face. Inoichi forged on. 

"You are worried that your connection to Death," his tone remained pretty flat as he spoke, even though the idea of Harry communining with Death was... "has changed you into something no longer human and that's why you stopped looking for ways to break free of the lamp. But being around Naruto-kun, and I'm going to assume in Konoha in general," the phrase implied 'lots of human people and not in isolation in a lamp’, "has helped brought these feelings--these changes to your attention. Especially with Naruto-kun grieving the loss of those shinobi on his mission." 

Harry nodded once more to what Inoichi was saying, clasping his hands between his knees. 

"Harry-san," Inoichi set the notepad in his lap, waiting for the other man to look up at him. At that moment Harry appeared as a simple, broken teenager, instead of the possible, boarding-on-ancient man that he might actually be. "Are you familiar with the stages of grief?" 

The genie blinked rapidly several times and, despite himself, started laughing. 

Considering how emotionally charged he had felt just a moment before, letting it out with this borderline hysterical cackling felt sickeningly good. 

Inoichi watched, not interrupting the outburst. 

Once Harry had calmed down, and took a sip of tea to calm his throat, he finally answered the question by nodding. “Intimately.” 

“Well,” Inoichi began, “I think part of what has been happening has just been… denial. People refer to it as the First Stage of Grief, but you don’t strike me as the type to do things in the correct order.” 

Harry snorted because Inoichi hit the nail on the head with that one. 

“Maybe for you, anger was first. And, as time went by, something…” For a moment, Inoichi struggled for the words he wanted, but settled with, “magical happened and now you’re just… stuck in an illogical acceptance that is really just a denial of your situation? 

“I’m sorry I can’t offer much more than that. This is vastly beyond the scope of my expertise… 

“However,” Inoichi forged on before Harry could respond in any fashion, “However. I think we should tell Shikaku about this. He is far smarter than me, the bastard, and maybe he can think of some way to help you out of your lamp.” 

For a moment, Harry felt as if time had frozen around him. There was a new feeling welling up inside of him… something he thought he’d lost a long time ago. 

Hope. 

“Y-... Yeah. Telling Shikaku may be a good idea,” began Harry, even though his attention drifted at the end as he felt Death enter the room. “Could I leave that to you, Inoichi? I have an appointment.” Green eyes locked onto Death as he said that and the specter nodded once before vanishing. 

“Appointment?” 

“With Death.” 

Harry vanished in a puff of green smoke, leaving glitter to float down and settle on the chair in his wake. 

“I hate it when he does that…” Inoichi muttered, staring at the mess. 

… … …

“What did you do to me?” Harry had reappeared inside his room at Naruto’s. The room could, theoretically, withstand any kind of magical bomb Harry may set off in his anger during the conversation he needed to have with Death. 

MASTER, I DID NOTHING. 

“You’re lying,” insisted the wizard, turning to glower at the shadow. 

MASTER--

“No! Tell me what you did! This is YOUR fault!” Harry threw a pillow at Death but, since Death wasn’t really a physical being, the pillow simply went through it like smoke. “YOU DID Something to me. YOU did. YOU Changed me! More than the lamp did, YOU CHANGED ME!” 

MASTER, I SIMPLY WANTED TO EASE YOUR PAIN

“My PAIN!?!?” Harry’s voice reached shrieking levels for a second and he took a few breaths to try to calm down. 

It didn’t work. 

“MY PAIN!??” He continued with this level of anger. This level of feeling. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this intensely. “EVEN IF IT WAS SOMETHING UNPLEASANT, IT WAS STILL MINE AND YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO TAKE IT AWAY. WHAT DID YOU DO!!” 

His chest heaved with the effort of his yelling. “Fuck,” Harry muttered, dropping down into a crouch and grabbing at his hair. “I’m not human anymore, am I? That’s what you did, isn’t it? You made me more like you, so I don’t feel. I’m becoming…” 

MASTER, YOU WILL NEVER STOP BEING HUMAN. 

If Death could feel, it would have experienced the heat of the glare those words deserved. 

YOU ARE STILL HUMAN, Death insisted, YOU MAY BE THE MASTER OF DEATH NOW BUT THAT DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT YOU STARTED LIFE AS A HUMAN. AS A WIZARD. THESE ARE THINGS YOU STILL ARE. EVEN THOUGH NOW YOU ARE ALSO A DJINN, BOUND TO THE LAMP. 

WHAT I DID, MASTER, WAS MERELY MUFFLE YOUR FEELINGS. I HAVE SEEN WHAT ISOLATION DOES TO HUMANS AND THE LAMP WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME TO YOU. I COULD NOT ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN TO MY MASTER. SO I MADE IT SO IT WOULDN’T HAPPEN. 

The hard breath that was stuck in Harry’s chest was exhaled in a harsh cough and the tiny wizard fell from his crouch to sit on the floor. “I’m not like that anymore, right? That’s why this all feels so… intense?” 

YES, MASTER. THE LONGER YOU ARE OUT OF THE LAMP, THE MORE IT WILL BE THAT WAY. IT’S TIED TO HOW LONG YOU STAY IN THE LAMP. 

“If you could do that, why didn’t you just break my connection to the lamp?” 

I TOLD YOU BEFORE MASTER. MY POWER DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. 

Somehow, within the cacophony of clanging bells and screams that made up Death’s voice, Harry could hear an emphasis on the word ‘my’. Something he hadn’t noticed the first time Death had said this to him. 

“‘My power’… Your power. YOUR power. But not mine?” 

PERHAPS. WIZARD MAGIC AND DEATH MAGIC ARE DIFFERENT, ARE THEY NOT?

Why could Harry hear that Death was smiling now? 

DO NOT FORGET MASTER. YOU ARE IN A NEW DIMENSION NOW. 

Once more, Harry turned sharp eyes onto the person (thing? entity?) he was talking too. 

THERE ARE DIFFERENT POWERS HERE. 

“Powers that I can’t replicate… but that I do have access to…” 

PRECISELY. 

There was a long moment of silence as Harry digested this new information before pushing himself up to his feet. “Death. Whatever you did to the lamp. Change it back.” 

OF COURSE, MASTER. 

The shade that was the anthropomorphic personification of Death bowed its head, as its many voices cried, before adding. 

YOU GOT ME BONA FIDE, CERTIFIED. 

A snort of laughter escaped Harry before he could stop it, and he shook his head, looking to the ceiling as if for help. “I fucking hate Disney.” 

… … …

Harry felt so drained after talking to Death that, naturally, the first person he ran into the next day would be fucking Maito Gai. 

“WONDROUS HARRY!” shouted the man who barely functioned at any other volume. “WHAT HAS MY BEAUTIFUL FLOWER LOOKING SO BLUE? LIKE A BELLFLOWER!” 

“Ugh, Gai, please, not now,” groaned Harry, scrubbing a hand down his face and knocking his glasses askew. He couldn’t handle this level of enthusiasm today. 

“Harry,” Gai softened his voice, placing a hand on the genie’s slim shoulder. “You seem troubled. Let me treat you to something. Good food with a handsome partner always cheers me up.” He finished off the statement with the Nice Guy Pose. 

And he had been doing so well up until that point. 

Still, good food DID sound good and Harry WAS hungry, so he agreed and was soon sat in a booth with several other people joining them. 

“Uh,” Harry gazed at everyone else, at a loss for words. “Hullo?” 

“Gai! I didn’t know you knew Genie-chan!” Anko attempted to molest Harry, but the genie quickly snapped his fingers and changed seats with the shinobi he vaguely recalled from his shop once. 

Anko pouted while the man clacked his senbon and said, “I did not like that. Don’t do it again.” Then he pulled out the senbon and tucked it away so they could start eating. 

The meal was loud, disorganized, and most of all… fun. It helped Harry’s nerves, more than he had anticipated, and he felt like he should thank Gai. For all that he was completely obnoxious, he really was a nice guy too. 

As the meal was winding down, talk turned to all of the new people in town recently. 

“I have been meaning to ask,” began Harry, sucking on the tips of his chopsticks. “What IS going on lately?” 

Anko gawked at Harry like he was stupid. He resented that look and glared in response. 

“It’s the Chuunin exams, Harry-san,” the Senbon Man, apparently named Genma, said. “Most of us are helping in some way or another.” 

The tiny wizard looked at all of the tall shinobi around him and then dropped this bomb, “What are the Chuunin Exams?” 

Several members actually facepalmed. 

“What? What’s with that reaction?” 

“Now, now,” Iruka, who had only come because Kotetsu had dragged him there, tried to mediate. “If I recall correctly, Harry-san has only been in Konoha for a few years. Where were you before this, Harry-san, that you didn’t hear about the Chuunin exams?” 

In a completely deadpan expression, Harry replied, “In another dimension. Now tell me, what are the Chuunin exams?” 

So Iruka, ever the teacher, explained. 

“Huh…” Harry tapped his lips with his chopsticks, mostly ignorant of the way Kotetsu, Gai, and Anko leered at his mouth as he did. “I wonder if Blondie will be joining.” 

“Blondie…” Genma hummed, “You mean the brat? Naruto? I doubt it unless Kakashi is insane.” 

Elsewhere, Kakashi sneezed.

“Jury’s out,” Raidou put in, offering a glass of water to Hayate who had started coughing. Harry watched the man’s coughing with slightly narrowed eyes. That sounded bad. 

“Would it be bad if Blondie joined?” Harry asked innocently, even as he continued to stare at Hayate. 

“Maybe,” Iruka said softly, his worry for Naruto apparent in his tone. “People have been known to die during the exams. Plus he only just graduated.” 

Harry finally pulled his eyes away from Hayate to look at Death who confirmed something he was curious about before turning his eyes onto Iruka. “Die? Oh, well Blondie will be fine then.” 

“What?” A few people said incredulously. “You sure have a lot of faith in Naruto, Harry-san.” Hayate offered with a smile. Harry returned it, palming the Elder Wand in his pocket. 

“Nah, I just have faith in Death not taking him.” 

And wasn’t that a shocking statement for the table to hear. It pretty much shut down their conversation. 

“Well, anyway, I have to be going. Cya later,” Harry gave a jaunty salute and then allowed himself to pop like a balloon, leaving glitter on the seat. And some Ryo, to pay for his share of the meal. Even though Gai had mentioned treating him, Harry refused to allow the man to treat it as some kind of date.

“Does he always do that?” Raidou asked since it was his first time meeting Harry. He ran a finger through the glitter on the seat, passing the money towards Genma who was always in charge of that sort of thing. He was the shinobi den mother, after all. 

“THE MAGNANIMOUS HARRY, WHO IS THE MOST PERFECT PARTNER FOR THIS GREEN BEAST,--” Gai’s rant was cut off by Anko, who hauled the man to the door and threw him out. 

Raidou never did get his answer. 

(Though the answer is yes. Yes he does.)

… … …

A few days later, Harry showed up in Inoichi’s shop with a long list of things to buy. The man’s cousin was there and helped Harry get everything he wanted, including a few flowers to say ‘Thank You’ to Gai, which he paid to have delivered, instead of doing it himself. 

No touchy. 

As Harry was leaving with his bag of herbs and plants, he ran into Inoichi and Shikaku. 

“Perfect, Harry-san, I was hoping I’d run into you today,” Inoichi grabbed Harry by the shoulder and steered the little genie towards his house next door. 

“Ah, yes, hello Inoichi, nice to see you too,” Harry had wide eyes as he was manhandled like that, but went along with it for… some reason. Who cares why. “Shikaku, you too. Still lazy?” 

“Of course, Harry-san.” 

“Good man.” 

Shikaku laughed as Inoichi nearly lifted Harry up to bring him up the stairs. The wizard sent his purchases off to his pocket dimension for safekeeping so he could use them later. The potion was under stasis anyway, he could finish it any time. 

After pushing Harry into a chair, Inoichi took his own and Shikaku sat on the couch. “I’ve told him everything you told me,” began the Yamanaka, glancing between Harry and Shikaku. “And he told me he had some ideas.” 

“Harry-san, I know we’ve discussed sealing before, but your knowledge outstrips mine. How much do you know about it?” 

Leaning back in the chair he was in, Harry went over his mental library of sealing, then shrugged. “A bit. Lord Hokage was going to have someone test me to see if I could become a teacher of basics to anyone who wants to learn.” 

“Anyone?” This was the first either had hard about this, though it was Inoichi who spoke. 

“Yeah. It’s not like all parts of sealing are a ‘ninja art’ or whatever,” Harry gestured with his hand as he spoke, almost rolling his eyes. “I mean, I don’t use scrolls as a shinobi would. Storage scrolls could be used by anyone, after all.” 

The two long-time teammates shared a look, but then Inoichi waved the entire topic away. “We’re off-topic. How much do you know about … containment seals?” 

“Oh, you mean like the one on Blondie?” 

If they were any less of shinobi than they were, they would have choked. 

“You know?” 

“Of course I know,” this time Harry did roll his eyes. “Death was used in that seal. I’ve known there was something up with Blondie since I first met him. I learned the rest not long after. It’s not like it’s hard, the people in this village aren’t exactly subtle about it.” 

Shikaku snorted a laugh. “You’re right there. Our biggest security leak.”

“It’s a good thing that Naruto-kun became a prankster and the comments could be brushed off as that,” Inoichi added. Then he shook his head because they had got off topic again. “Anyway, how much do you know about his seal?”

“Not much. I know what it does, but not exactly how it works.” 

“Could you learn? Or at least a seal like it?” Shikaku scratched at his chin as he asked this, utterly nonchalant. 

“What are you thinking Deerman?” Harry asked, narrowing his eyes at the man. 

“From what Inoichi told me, you are bound to your lamp, but you don’t have to grant the wishes that Naruto-kun asks you. What if you bound yourself tighter to the lamp, using seals, and were forced to grant his wish?” 

Harry dropped his jaw. This sounded like a terrible idea!

“And he wished you free?” 

Now Harry’s jaw dropped further.

“WHAT?” 

Shikaku shrugged, then leaned forward in his chair. “If you had to grant the wish, maybe the magic of the lamp would set you free with his wish.” 

Harry… had never… “Do you think that would really work?” 

Once more the Nara shrugged. “Who knows, maybe. If not, we could try having Kakashi melt it with fire.” 

There was no other way to react to this than to laugh. 

It seemed like such a simple solution. 

Make the situation worse to make it better? 

‘It’s how I won the war, all those years ago, after all… Not that I did it intentionally,’ Harry thought, rubbing his hairless chin. 

“Wouldn’t…” Inoichi had been saying, “melting the lamp kill Harry-san?” 

“No. Harry can’t die. He said so himself. If he is the Master of Death, destroying the lamp would merely be a temporary death to him. Right, Harry-san?” 

Harry blinked a few times and then shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve never tried that before. Before Blondie, I was never let out of the lamp long enough to attempt destroying it.” 

“We could try it now,” Shikaku offered, pushing himself to his feet. “I think training ground eight should be free right now. Inoichi, why don’t you get Kakashi and meet Harry-san and me there?” 

“What, now?” Harry shot to his feet, feeling bedraggled all of a sudden. 

It was weird, that wasn’t a feeling he’d had in a very long time. 

“Why not? If it works, you’re free. If it doesn’t work, we’ll try something else.” Shikaku grabbed Harry by the shoulder and used the shunshin to bring them outside of Naruto’s apartment. 

“Ugh,” Harry held his stomach, “Warn me next time.” He shoved his way inside the house and over to the shelf where they usually kept the lamp. 

“Like you warn people.” Shikaku retorted, following behind at a leisurely pace. “Got it?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Let’s mosey then,” Harry took Shikaku’s offered hand and they were Shunshined to training ground eight. 

They arrived at the same time as Kakashi and Inoichi did, both landing in a crouch. 

“Yo,” Kakashi held up a hand and gave a casual wave. 

Harry groaned at Kakashi’s face. “Ugh, I want to punch you for some reason.” 

“Nice to see you again too, Harry.” 

“I would use magic to punch you … with a tree.” 

“Mou… That’s not very nice,” Kakashi had the gall to pout. 

Asshole. 

“Harry-san, calm down,” Shikaku put a hand on Harry’s shoulder, especially after he saw Harry’s hand go into his pocket. He knew what that wand could do. He had spent an afternoon as a deer once, because of that wand. 

“I am calm. I will calmly set him on fire.” 

“I thought I was supposed to be setting things on fire?” Kakashi directed this question at Inoichi, who was a little shocked at his friend’s behavior. 

“Harry-san, are you all right?” Inoichi asked and the question actually brought Harry up short. 

“Wait... Just-- Wait.” He held up a hand, which was holding his wand, so he twisted his wrist and let it disappear so he wouldn’t accidentally use it. He brought that same hand to cover his face and took a deep breath, counting backward for 10. Then from 20, just to be safe. Harry could hear the conversation going on around him, but ignored it as he forced himself to relax. 

What the fuck was wrong with him? 

YOU TOLD ME TO REVERSE WHAT I DID TO YOUR LAMP. 

Death’s voice mourned on the wind over towards him and Harry turned to scowl at Death then went back to glaring at Kakashi. 

“Here,” and he threw the lamp at Inoichi--as if he’d trust Kakashi with touching it. Damn pervert would probably fondle the lamp or something. 

‘Holy fuck, what is wrong with me?’ Harry wondered, tugging at his braid. 

All eyes locked onto Kakashi and the lamp once Inoichi set it down and jumped several meters back. Harry’s hands curled into fists, watching as Kakashi flew through the hand seals then spat a strong stream of fire at the lamp. 

Nothing really seemed to be happening at first, at least to Harry. As the stream continued, and wow Kakashi had really good breath control, Harry’s body started to smoke. 

“Harry-san?” Shikaku asked, reaching out a hand the second before Harry burst into flames. 

Looking at his arms, Harry said, “This isn’t good.” then reached up and grabbed his head, “NO MY HAIR MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!” 

“HARRY-SAN!” Inoichi yelled, shouting for Kakashi to stop, which he did, and then Kakashi, being the fastest, went through the hand seals to do basically the same thing he had just done but with water this time. 

The wizard was curled up on the ground, a charred ball of human flesh. 

“Oh no,” Inoichi put a hand over his mouth, though Shikaku was having a much stronger reaction. He knelt next to Harry’s unmoving body. It was still smoking and crackling like a poorly doused campfire. Was that bone peaking out through the flesh?

“This is my fault,” Shikaku muttered, “I suggested this…” He gently touched the body. Harry couldn’t die, right? 

Right? 

Right, he couldn’t. 

The body crumbled to ash at Shikaku’s touch and from over by the lamp, the ground still smoking, stood Harry. “Well, that was extremely unpleasant.” He brushed some ash off his sleeves, then took off his glasses to clean the soot from them. 

The three shinobi present stared…

“What? Is it my hair?” Harry reached up and touched his… bald head. “GAH!” then slapped both hands on his head, “NO MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!” and his whole body crumbled down, arms thrown over his head protectively, “I’m hideous!” 

“Don’t let Gai hear you,” Kakashi decided to defuse the situation. This was probably just some kind of weird… whatever. Yeah, just a weird whatever. Kakashi felt used to it after having Naruto on the team, maybe. 

Maybe. 

Okay, it was weird, what the fuck just happened? 

“Harry-san, you’re not hideous,” Shikaku recovered second, after Kakashi-- the ever unflappable Nara, eh?--and went to give the tiny wizard a consoling pat. “It will grow back.” 

“NO Look at this!” Harry rubbed a hand over his head. It was super shiny, “The fire cauterized all the hair follicles.” 

“Harry-san. I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not.” 

“Definitely not, Sirius is dead.” 

Kakashi and Inoichi showed their confusion at that statement. 

“Sorry, bad joke. None of you would get it.” Harry waved away the entire comment, then ran his hands over his head. In their wake, his hair came back. Short, but it came back. “Gaahhh… It’s going to take forever to grow back… I wonder if I still have the ingredients to make the Hair Growth Potion…” the last sentence was mostly mumbled to himself. 

“Speaking of potions,” this was said louder. Harry stood and grabbed the perfectly unharmed lamp. Damn thing. “I’ve got one brewing in my room. Inoichi, Shikaku,” Both men perked up at the mention of their names, “If you could vouch for me later when I try to get it to Hayate, that would be great.” 

“Uhn,” Shikaku grunted, but Inoichi was a little more used to this type of Harry. The wizard had done it for some of Inoichi’s customers before, after all. 

“Of course, Harry-san,” Inoichi nodded, agreeable. “Just let us know when.” 

Harry smiled at his friends and then turned to Kakashi and dropped the smile. “Thank you for trying, Kakashi. Please don’t talk about this with others, yeah? I know you were briefed enough to know that I can’t die, so that much shouldn’t be a surprise, but …” He shook the lamp in the air a bit and smiled, but this one didn’t reach his eyes. “This part is new, I’m sure.”

He turned once more to look at Inoichi, then back to Kakashi. “They can fill you in if you’re really curious.” Once more he looked at the Yamanaka, “Just the important bits though. A Genie’s still got to have its secrets.” Harry winked, putting a finger to his mouth in the universal sign for ‘Shh’. 

Then Harry poofed away, leaving glitter to flutter down into the burned ground below him. 

“I really wish he wouldn’t do that,” Inoichi sighed, “It’s so hard to clean up.” 

“It usually disappears after a few days if you leave it alone,” Shikaku returned to the normal Nara slouch, hands in his pockets. 

Inoichi’s jaw dropped, looking at Shikaku and then the glitter. “WHAT, really!?” 

Shikaku nodded, meandering away. 

Inoichi groaned, rubbing a hand down his face. 

Kakashi was already gone. That ninja. 

… … … 

Meanwhile, back at Naruto’s apartment. 

“GAH, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!” 

“Shut the fuck up Blondie, and watch your fucking mouth!” 

“GENIE-NII-CHAN!? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR!” 

“That’s it, you’re spending the day as a fucking rabbit!” 

“AH NO, HELP MAD GENIE ON THE LOOSE!” 

... ... ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... 
> 
> AN: The user denys.cumba left me a really good review back in May that caused me to revise the plot I had been working on previously. The point of this fic wasn’t to HAVE plot, TBH, but to just explore a gender ambiguous Harry in the world of Naruto. So I took a little break, then wrote the ‘Gai Filler Chapters’ and now here I am, back on with the plot. The revised one, anyway. I consider this ‘part 1’ of the Chuunin exams Arc, even though they were just barely mentioned. 
> 
> I’m really excited for what comes next, so I hope you all are as well. 
> 
> Oh, Also. Some people really liked Gai/Harry and I may be working on something for those who ship them. I will not, however, be posting it on FFN, if I ever finish it. I have an AO3 under the same pseudonym where I’d post it. 
> 
> Credit for Genma being a Shinobi Den Mother goes to blackkat.


	23. I’m in the mood to help you dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, even the prompt.
> 
> AN: Don’t take this too seriously. I don’t.
> 
> Beta’d by Scarletdewdrops. 
> 
> ... ... ...

... ... ...

_How did my life suddenly get filled with so many children?_

_I’m really not sure, but I definitely blame Blondie._

… … … 

Like any other day, Harry was sitting in his shop, writing. 

Like most days, but not all, Konohamaru was there as well. The kid was doing some of his homework, apparently, and felt very at ease in Harry’s shop. 

At least that was his excuse. 

Harry figured it was actually because that trainer of his refused to come to Harry’s shop. 

Either way, despite the fact that Naruto was now off doing ninja stuff with his team, Harry had inherited a new kid to watch over during the day. 

“It’s a curse, isn’t it?” He muttered aloud, tapping the end of his pen against his notebook. 

“What is, Genie-nii-chan?” Konohamaru looked up from where he was sprawled on the floor. 

“Eh, nothing.” Harry set down his work and leaned forward. “No one is going to come into my shop with you taking up all the walking space, you know.” 

“No one comes into your shop anyway, most of your work is contracted.” 

Damn brat had a point. 

But to completely contradict him, the door to the shop opened with a jingle of bells. 

Now that was a familiar feeling. 

Bright green eyes met with pale green and Harry smiled. “Hello, can I help you?” 

The redhead, and wow that was really red, blinked extremely slowly. Over the kid’s left shoulder hovered Death. “...no.” The kid didn’t leave the doorway, despite his single word (monosyllabic answer?). He just maintained super creepy eye contact with Harry. 

Konohamaru looked between the two, eyes bouncing back and forth. 

“Did you want me to fix that giant bottle on your back?” Harry offered, his smile still in place. 

Once more the kid blinked slowly. The move really accentuated the giant bags under his eyes. “...No.” 

“Well this is a repair shop, so I can fix those tiny cracks in it if you want.” 

“...It’s not… Broken.” 

‘But something certainly is,’ thought Harry, eyes glancing at Death for half a heartbeat. 

HIS MARK IS WEAK. BUT I HAVE BEEN DRAWN TO HIM MANY TIMES. 

‘Ahhh,’ Harry’s thoughts followed what Death was saying. ‘That’s why he reeks of blood.’ 

“Genie-nii-chan?” Konohamaru finally got to his feet, scrambling to hide behind Harry--even though Harry wasn’t much taller than the kid. The Hokage’s grandson was scared, though. 

“Well,” Harry put a protective arm around Konohamaru, trying to soothe him without even thinking about the action, “I can help you then. I’ve been known to fix people as well as things.” The wizard allowed his smile to fully reach his eyes then. “Come on, I’m in the mood to help you, dude.” 

“I…” The child, for he couldn’t be much older than Naruto if that, paced his words. “... am not broken.” 

“You’re just a child, what do you know?” Harry threw the comment back just to see what would happen. 

Pale green eyes narrowed at Harry. Sand began to pour out of the giant jug on the kid’s back. 

“That can’t be good,” muttered Harry, watching to see what he would do next. When nothing happened, he added louder, “I can help you.” Once more, Harry’s eyes flicked to Death. “Actually, could you wait for a second?” Harry held up a finger to his customer and turned to Konohamaru. “I’m going to send you to the Hokage, okay? I’ll be fine.” With that, Harry tapped Konohamaru’s goggles and the kid disappeared in a swirl. 

Ahh, portkeys. So nice. 

That done, Harry turned back to the redhead. Taking an experimental step forward, he watched as the sand swirled up to meet his feet, trapping him so he couldn’t go closer. 

“What’s your name?” Harry began conversationally, glancing back up to the kid who most likely … yeah, most likely. 

“... Gaara.” It was like saying the name took a lot of effort. Gaara even winced, eyes narrowed against the pain. 

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” Harry tilted his head, tugging at the sand that was beginning to climb up his legs. He maintained eye contact though, green clashing with green. “It has too much influence on someone so young.” 

This time Gaara glared. Pretty impressive for just a little tyke. “What would you know?” 

“Oh, more than you think.” 

The sand increased in pressure. Harry could feel how it made the bones in his legs creak. 

Gaara stretched out his hand finally and the sand reached Harry’s waist. 

“You know nothing,” Gaara began only to be interrupted by Harry. 

“My name is Harry, not Jon Snow.” 

For a second everything stopped as Gaara allowed the confusion to overwhelm him. Then he winced, eyes narrowed harshly. “Mother says … Mother says… You…” Gaara gripped his hair with his other hand and the one that seemed to be controlling the sand slowly curled into a fist. The sand reached Harry’s shoulders now. “You will prove my existence. If I kill you, Mother says… then my existence… it will be … yes!” 

Gaara began to cackle maniacally. Harry watched calmly as the sand covered him completely. 

As Gaara crushed Harry within in his Dessert Coffin, several things happened at once. 

One: Harry died a spectacularly messy death, casting blood all over his glorious shop. 

Two: Harry came back to life, standing just in front of Death. 

Three: Harry had to magic clothes onto himself. Annoying!

Four: Harry ran a hand through his hair, still short after the burning death the other day but longer now after dying again, and then pulled out his wand. 

“My turn,” he jabbed the wand into the back of Gaara’s head, casting his spell at point-blank range. “ _ **Sleep**_.” 

And the kid collapsed in on himself, crumbling to the ground in a heap. 

“Well, this is a mess,” Harry looked around at all the sand and blood in his shop. “Should I use magic, or get a D-rank?” He tapped his chin with his wand before looking over his shoulder at Death. 

IT MAY BE GOOD EVIDENCE TO SHOW TO THE HOKAGE. 

Death offered the suggestion, its voice the wails of the dying. Harry grimaced. He hated it when Death sounded like that. 

“Evidence?” 

THE BOY IS UNSTABLE. HE NEEDS HELP. YOU DID SAY THAT YOU REPAIR PEOPLE. 

“You’ve gotten quite snarky over time.” 

ALL YOUR INFLUENCE, MASTER. 

“Yeah yeah, shut it.” Harry levitated Gaara into the back room and quickly transfigured a cot out of a chair and set him down to sleep. That spell he had cast should have been powerful enough to make even the Kyuubi drowsy, so against whatever was inside Gaara, well. It should be fast asleep as well. 

As luck would have it, Harry didn’t need to send for the Hokage because an ANBU showed up not long after Harry had finished writing his note. 

“Oh. It’s you, Paddington.” Harry stepped around a large puddle of blood and smiled up at the tall bear masked ANBU. 

“Hokage-sama sent us to make sure you were okay because Konohamaru-kun was worried…” ANBU Bear looked at the mess and then at Harry, who was clearly fine. “What happened?” 

“I died.” 

ANBU Bear almost performed a prat-fall, but he was too much of an experienced shinobi for that. 

“Anyway, I’m better now, so could you have Lord Hokage come here? I’ve got to talk to him about something and I’d rather not move my murderer from where he’s sleeping.” Harry used his thumb to gesture over his shoulder. 

It took a moment, but ANBU Bear nodded and left the shop quickly. Harry went into the back of his shop and took the bottle from Gaara’s back. Couldn’t be comfortable to sleep with it on…

Then he magicked him up a stuffed animal, tucking the boy's arms around it. 

Oh yeah, that was super fucking cute. 

… … …

It took Sarutobi about 15 minutes to arrive at Harry’s shop. When Konohamaru had popped into his office, the boy had run to him and confessed his fear for Harry. Unable to leave his office at that moment, Sarutobi sent an ANBU that was familiar with Harry’s caprices. 

But when ANBU Bear returned with what did not seem like good tidings, Sarutobi prepared to leave immediately. 

Harry's connection to Naruto made him far too valuable to be harmed, especially if it was due to negligence on their part in regards to security.

The site of Harry’s shop was shocking. That amount of blood should only mean that someone had died there, but Harry was sitting on his counter in the Lotus position, once more writing in his notebook. 

“Oh. Lord Hokage.” Harry closed his notebook around his pen and slid down from the counter. His feet landed in a puddle of blood. “Ew, gross. It’s starting to congeal.” He shook out his foot and stepped to the side where it was clear, spelling his feet clean before touching the ground. “Anyway, nice to see you, Lord Hokage. Welcome to my shop.” 

“Harry-san… What happened?” Sarutobi scanned the shop with keen eyes, not leaving the doorway. 

“Oh, I died. Rather, I was killed. Some kind of jutsu.” Slim shoulders rose and fell in a careless shrug. “He covered me in sand and then: smoosh! I died.” Another shrug. “He’s back there, a kid. Red hair, green eyes. Some,” Harry pointed at his forehead, opposite of his scar which was a lot more prominent with his short hair, “Mark on his forehead. I think it said ‘love’ but you know how I am with my writing.” 

Sarutobi did know. Harry mostly wrote in hiragana, though he was slowly getting better with the other forms. 

“Love,” Sarutobi thought aloud, glancing past Harry to where he had gestured the murderer was. The Hokage was struck by the cute image of a young red-haired child curled up with a stuffed purple toy. What was even more striking was that he recognized that face. “That’s the son of the Kazekage.” 

“Wind Shadow?” Harry furrowed his brow, the words coming out in English, then shook his head. Ah, it was like Hokage. Right. Got it. He gestured with a finger and flashed a smile at Sarutobi. “Kazekage.” He pointed to his head. “I get it now.” 

The Hokage looked at Harry for a long moment then looked at the floor of the shop. “Is there a reason you haven’t cleaned up?” 

Once more, Harry had a blinding smile on his face. “I thought you’d want to see it, as evidence!” Then his smile slowly fell, “Was I wrong?” 

“No,” Sarutobi shook his head and then looked from his white robes to the red blood. “I have seen enough, though. As you are fine, there isn’t much I can do on a …” Almost at a loss for words, the Hokage merely gestured. “What do you plan on doing with the child?” A change of subject? Okay. 

Harry hummed, spinning on his foot so he could look back to where the child was sleeping. “Let him rest, for one. I don’t think he’s slept in a very long time.” He leaned on his counter, tilted head on his hands. “His seal is very… not good.” 

“Explain.” 

A long, harsh sigh left the Master of Death as he stood back up. A quick snap of the fingers cleaned up his shop and he motioned Sarutobi to follow him. 

Once they were both inside the small back room with Gaara, Harry settled onto a random box that he had back there, leaving the only other chair for Sarutobi to sit on. “His seal, much like Naruto’s, is a Death seal. But this boy’s… is severely flawed. The sacrifice was deemed not enough…” His eyes had turned an eerie share of green as he looked at Gaara but was clearly looking at... something else too. 

Sarutobi tried to figure out what Harry could be looking at and assumed it was merely the sealing matrix? But how he could see and access it without actually touching the boy?

“Because it was not enough,” Harry continued before Sarutobi could voice his questions, “...it...is...weak.” The genie’s eyes fluttered rapidly before turning to look at the Hokage, “Because it is weak, the… thing inside of him has far too much control. I can see that without even needing the context of our conversation.” 

“Conversation?” Sharp, old eyes looked towards Harry. “What did he say?” 

Harry waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, that Mother said killing me would prove his existence, blahblahblah. I imagine if Naruto’s seal wasn’t nearly as good as it is, he’d probably be a lot like this boy.” The child in question actually snuffled quietly then, nuzzling his head into the stuffed toy. Harry flicked another sleeping spell at him, just to be certain. He SHOULDN’T be waking, but … better safe than sorry. 

It was Sarutobi’s turn to hum in thought. “I can’t, legally, allow you to work on or change his seal. That would be a logistics nightmare. Especially seeing as how it may change his chances during the Chuunin exams. Legally, I can do nothing.” 

“Legally,” Harry repeated that single word, hearing what the Hokage was saying loud and clear. 

The leader of Konoha rose to his feet. “I have faith in your abilities, even without having you tested.” The white robes were dusted off and he turned to Harry. “Speaking of, the Sealing Master I spoke to you about before should be here… soon, if he isn’t already. He is supposed to report to me, but…” Sarutobi trailed off, then chuckled. “He’s as eccentric as any shinobi of this village.” 

The wizard narrowed his eyes. “Better or worse than Gai?” 

“Depends,” Sarutobi turned to leave the room, saying this last bit over his shoulder. “Have you read _Icha-Icha_?” 

Harry’s entire face fell, mouth dropped open in horror. 

Sarutobi left, chuckling to himself. Oh, the look on Harry’s face would bring him delight for the rest of the day. 

… … … 

Death materialized behind Harry as he held a hand over the sleeping boy. An array of seals rose into the air and Harry poked at it with his wand. He switched his wand between his hands and poked again, feeling something shift a bit and Gaara winced. 

“Oops.” 

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING MASTER? 

“Maybe,” muttered Harry in reply, using his wand to shift part of the seal to another part. Gaara relaxed and the corner of Harry’s mouth twitched. “Considering there is no magic here, this thing reacts rather well to it.” 

Death didn’t say anything, but his presence was probably explanation enough. 

A soft hum left the wizard and he tilted his head to look at the sealing matrix from a few different angles. Another part of it was shifted with a poke of his wand… and Gaara relaxed even more. “I think…” Harry mumbled, drawing something with his wand and pushing it into a third part of the seal. That seemed to work really well, the whole thing flashing. 

THE SACRIFICE, MASTER. 

“What?” 

THIS SEAL. IT NEEDS A SACRIFICE. 

Harry turned to look at Death and then back to the Seal. “This seal is yours. Or, to you. Done with you in mind? Whatever. I’m your fucking Master, I should be able to circumvent that part.” 

THERE ARE OTHER KINDS OF SACRIFICES MASTER. A BLOOD SACRIFICE DOESN’T REQUIRE DEATH. A BLOOD SACRIFICE FROM YOU WOULD BE DEEMED ENOUGH. 

There were a few beats of silence before clarity rang like a bell. “Oohhh…” Harry nodded and used his wand to carve something into the palm of his hand. For a moment, Harry floundered, then he put his wand between his teeth and raised the boy’s shirt just enough that he could press the bloody sigil to his belly, over where the original seal was. 

Another flash, this one much bigger than the last, shot through the shop. It nearly blinded the customers who had just wandered inside. 

“Woah, what was that?” asked a teenaged voice. 

“...Don’t know…” Came the decided feminine response. This was followed up with. “Gaara?... GAARA! What are you doing to him?!” 

And then Harry had a knife at his throat. Harry pulled both of his hands away from Gaara’s body and after spitting out his wand, and catching it with his non-bloody hand, he shot a disarming smile at the girl. “Hello, how can I help you?” 

“Tell me what you did to my brother!?” The blond girl, with hair that was even more ridiculous than Naruto’s, demanded. 

“I fixed him,” Harry said in a beautiful deadpan. “This is a repair shop. I fix things.” 

“Gaara isn’t a thing,” the other voice offered. 

Whatever Harry was going to say, and his mouth was open to say SOMETHING, was completely lost and instead out came, “What the fuck is wrong with your face?” 

The paint wearing (and he refused to call it makeup, no self-respecting makeup artist would wear THAT) teen pouted--Harry refused to believe it was anything other than a pout, these fucking children--and pointed his own sharp, pointy thing at Harry. “Nevermind that, Gaara isn’t a thing, and he--...” 

“Yeah, you can’t even attempt to say that; he was VERY broken,” countered Harry, nodding his head. “I know what I’m talking about. I know seals.” And death, he didn’t bother adding. It was, of course, the latter that made him more of an expert on how to fix the sleeping jinchuuriki. 

“Kankuro… Gaara’s… sleeping?” The girl observed, seeming to stumble even as she stood perfectly still and her threatening knife didn’t falter. 

“Oh shit,” The boy, apparently Kankuro?, muttered, “We’re all gonna die.” 

Harry looked incredulous. “We’re not gonna die. I refuse to die again so soon. We’re perfectly safe.” 

“You don’t know what he can do!” Kankuro said, actually pointing at the redhead. 

“I know perfectly well what he can do, he does shit with sand. He did it earlier, it’s fine, don’t worry. I used a…whaddya call it...” Harry waved a hand, trying to remember the world. “Jutsu or whatever. Not to mention I fixed that atrocious seal. His furry little problem won’t be a problem anymore.” Was Harry’s smirk a little smug? Yeah. Yeah, it was. He had reason to be.

The girl and Kankuro stared at Harry as if he had two heads. The genie looked to make sure he didn’t, then went back to their staring contest. He would win this one, too. 

Hah! The boy blinked. Harry was great at staring contests. 

“Did he really just call the ichibi a ‘furry little problem’?” Kankuro asked _sotto voce_. 

The girl nodded a few times, finally tearing her eyes away from Harry to take a closer look at her brother. “He’s really… okay?” She took a step closer, pressing a finger to the kanji on Gaara’s forehead. 

Harry nodded a few times. “I was in the mood to help him. Plus, I’m a great repairman.” 

Kankuro spoke up then, gently pounding his fist into the palm of his other hand as he remembered something. “That’s why I came by. I have several things that are broken. How soon could you fix them?” He had already slipped away his knife and pulled out a storage scroll. 

Slim shoulders rose in a shrug. “Depends on the items, but a few days at max.” 

“Could you have just one of them done by tomorrow so I could check out the quality of your work?” He held out the scroll to Harry, who took it delicately… and then shifted how he held it, pinching it between two fingers. “... what?” 

“What is this horrid thing!? You call this a storage scroll!? It’s barbaric!” 

Kankuro shared a look with the blond girl, who returned it with a ‘what do you want me to do, you crazy person?’ look, shrugging at the same time. At least, that’s what Harry figured that look meant. Maybe it was just, ‘I’m hungry, hurry up.’ 

Reading faces wasn’t exactly his specialty. If he used magic, then… 

“What’s… wrong with it?” ventured Kankuro, unsure if he really wanted to know the answer. 

Finally twisting his wand away into the nether where he kept it, Harry shooed the two from his backroom so Gaara could continue to sleep. Then he tossed the storage scroll that Kankuro gave him onto his counter and poked at it with a dainty little finger. “This thing. Has absolutely no elegance.” 

“It’s a storage scroll,” the girl spoke up, “It doesn’t need to have elegance. It just needs to hold things.” 

Harry gave her a flat look. “But it _can_ have elegance. Here, take a look at one of my scrolls.” He snatched one out from under the counter and laid it next to Kankuro’s on the counter so it was easy to compare them, one on top, one on the bottom. 

Both of them opened their eyes wide, able to spot the difference even though they weren’t trained in fuuinjutsu. Harry’s was just that much more elegant. Like a boss.

“Oh wow,” Kankuro muttered. “How much can yours hold?” 

“Hmmm,” hummed the genie, poking at Kankuro’s scroll again. “At least double.” 

The teen’s paint lined eyes went wide. “Double?” he whispered in awe. 

“At least,” affirmed Harry with a smirk. 

“Kankuro,” the girl snapped, giving him a sharp look, then she immediately flipped the charm on and turned to Harry with a smile. “Excuse me, but could we please take our brother?” Her voice even took on a sing-song tone. 

Gross. 

Harry leaned away and shuddered. 

“No, he’s sleeping. Let him sleep. I’ll talk to him when he wakes up,” he turned back to Kankuro, “Now what do you want me to fix?” 

The teen bit his thumb and swiped it over one of the seals and out popped… a pile of mess. What the fuck was this? 

“Are all the pieces here?” asked Harry as he prodded at the pile with his finger. 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay,” He swept it onto his own scroll and sealed it away. “Come back tomorrow. You can have your brother and your … thingy then!” Harry stood then and started to shove them out of his shop. 

“Hey! Wait! You can’t do this!” The girl who never gave her name (and how rude was that?) tried to say. Harry wasn’t listening. 

“Bye!” He shouted and then snapped his fingers, effectively booting them out of the shop and halfway across Konoha, much in the style of Team Rocket blasting off. “There,” he wiped off his hands, “Now that the rubbish is taken out…” he returned to the scroll and quickly fixed Kankuro’s thingy. 

Oh. So it was a puppet. Cool. 

… … … 

His normal shop hours were long over when Gaara finally woke. The boy slowly returned to the land of the conscious, snuffling into the stuffed toy Harry’d made for him--some type of purple raccoon the genie had a vague memory of from… somewhere--and then the boy was instantly awake. 

Once more, Harry found himself encased in sand, though only up to the neck and it wasn’t as strong as before. Not that it didn’t have strength, but if Harry wanted to, he would be able to break out. 

“Good morning. Or evening, I should say,” greeted Harry, forcing a hand to break through the sand and wave to the boy. “My name is Harry. I fixed you.” 

“I-...” Gaara paused, tilting his head as if he was trying to listen to something. Then his entire body relaxed and the sand filtered away from Harry and back towards the bottle that was next to the cot he’d made for Gaara to sleep on. “I can’t hear Mother anymore.” 

“Do you mean the big mean voice in your head that doesn’t sound like a woman at all? Yeah, like I said. I fixed you.” 

“I was….” Harry could tell Gaara wanted to argue, but the boy was also clearly confused. “I wasn’t broken.” He finally got out. 

“True, you weren’t,” agreed Harry, brushing leftover sand off of his clothes and stepping up to the boy--finally, someone properly shorter than him-- and put a hand on his head. “But your seal was. I fixed _that_.” 

“My seal?” Gaara was disoriented, probably from the lack of a screaming monster in his head. Harry could understand. He could remember, even after all this time, what it felt like after What’s-his-face had come back. And the silence after he died. 

Harry nodded and ruffled that red hair. “Your siblings, I think, at least the blond. Maybe? You know, she was never quite clear… Anyway, those kids who know you won’t be back until tomorrow. Want to come to mine and have dinner? Or do you want to sleep more?” 

Gaara’s eyes went wide and he stared up at Harry. “Sleep?” As if that single word, that normal part of human functionality, was a completely foreign concept. 

“Yeah, food then sleep. Wait here.” Harry shuffled Gaara back over to the cot in his backroom and then poofed away, sans glitter. He didn’t want to clean it up after all. It took about 30 minutes, but he returned with several large bags of takeaway food. 

While he had been gone, Gaara had sat back down and pulled the stuffed raccoon into his lap. 

“Is this yours?” Gaara asked, his voice soft and lost. 

“Nope, yours.” Harry dumped his bags onto the counter and started to take things out. “You must be starving. Maybe. I’d assume so. Blondie always is.” 

Before Gaara could fully process the fact that he’d been given a stuffed purple raccoon of all things as a gift, a tray--where had that come from?--was shoved under his nose. On it was a bowl of ramen, a bunch of sticks of dango, some sticks with meat, and a box full of sushi rolls. 

“Here. Eat. I’ve got 3 more bowls of ramen if you’re still hungry after all of this.” Harry waited until Gaara had a hold of the tray and then went to grab his own tray of food. After, he took a seat on the chair opposite the cot and sat down to eat. Sadly, Harry’s feet dangled a bit. 

Carefully balancing the tray, Gaara began to eat some of the dango. This entire moment was surreal to him. He was pretty sure he had killed this man earlier, and now he was feeding him and giving him gifts? It was hard to make sense of, especially without Mother constantly yelling at him what to do… But it was good, as well. Having a clear head was… nice.

The toy was nice too. It was two different shades of purple and had a heart-shaped lightbulb on its white belly for some reason. Not at all like the image of Mother he constantly had in his head. 

The pair ate together silently for several minutes. When the tray was cleared Gaara whispered his request for the other bowls of ramen, which Harry went to get for him, stacking all three on the shelf behind Gaara’s cot. 

Once Gaara had eaten his fill, he set the tray on the cot then curled his legs underneath him. Then, he grabbed the stuffed animal and hugged it tightly. “Thank you.” This time the boy barely spoke above a whisper. 

“Why?” Harry asked after a moment of thought. “I told you when you first came in that I fix things. I suppose you came to the right place.” That was said with a laugh. 

Gaara didn’t share the laugh, instead, he shook his head. “No… I came here because… Mother could smell you. Feel you?” He tilted his head as he changed his words, but shrugged. “She knew you were … special. And wanted me to destroy you.” The boy finally looked up, locking his gaze with Harry. “I hurt you.” 

Harry waved it off. “Only for a moment. I’ve felt worse.” 

The sand nin’s face said it all. “I crushed you with my sand.” 

“And?” 

“And you’ve had worse?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

They stared at each other for a moment. “I could show you,” offered Harry, “but I think the Hokage may get mad at me if I perform that spell on you…” 

“Spell?” 

“Jutsu,” he corrected himself, once more waving off the comment. “Same thing. Anyway, that pain was much worse than being crushed.” Probably because of the whole ‘dying’ thing that took away the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to. 

It was obvious that Gaara didn’t believe him, but the child ninja let the subject drop begrudgingly. “My head is so silent…” He muttered without realizing it as he let his thoughts wander. 

“I know what that’s like,” Harry laughed again. “There’s some confusion about what to do with yourself since half your concentration isn’t busy with impulse control, but it’s a good thing. Now, did you want me to fix your jar? Bowl? No, pot? Jug? What the fuck is this thing?” He poked at Gaara’s giant bottle of sand with his foot. 

Gaara looked from it to Harry, letting a little feeling of confusion show on his face. “It’s a gourd.” 

Harry was still for a minute and then slapped his hand to his forehead. “Fucking gourd, I knew that. Gourd, gods, why didn’t I think of that?” Harry was shaking his head at himself. “Anyway, do you want me to fix it? It’s full of cracks. I fixed your friend’s puppet earlier.” He motioned out the door where the creepy fucking thing was sitting on the counter. 

“Friend?” Gaara rose to his feet to go look at the puppet. “Ah. Kuroneko.” He looked closely at the puppet. He remembered watching his brother break this. It was Kankuro’s favorite because of the cat ears. Then he returned to the room and sat down. “My gourd is not broken.” And that was the end of that subject. 

Harry stared, then shrugged, and went about cleaning up. Since the subject was over, he had nothing else to say. Gaara too was silent and just stared at the toy in his lap. 

Eventually, the jinchuuriki fell back asleep naturally, his body so desperately in need of it that he couldn’t fight it. Harry went back into the back of the shop and adjusted the boy so he could be more comfortable and then spelled the room and shop so Gaara would remain like that until Harry returned in the morning. 

Then the genie finally went home to deal with a yelling Naruto who was so excited that ‘he was going to prove his worth and beat the chuunin exams’ or something. Harry wasn’t listening much. How would he beat an exam, anyway? Aren’t tests generally pass/fail, or graded? Must be a ninja thing.

… … … 

The next morning, Harry beat everyone else to the shop only because he could apparate directly inside. As he broke the wards inside the room he left Gaara in, the ninja started to stir awake but did that cute thing where he snuffled and buried his face in his stuffed animal. 

Harry just about melted into a pile of cuteness goo. 

Instead, he snapped a photo and tucked the camera way into his tiny pocket dimension and then pulled out some muffins from that same place. He could share. If he wanted to. 

There was a knock at the door as the wards around the shop recognized that Harry was there and ‘opened’ it for business. The bell above the door rang next and in came the blond first, followed by Kankuro. 

“Woah, holy shit! That’s amazing!” He was practically shouting--why didn’t shinobi have volume control?--and then he beat the blond to the counter to pick up his puppet. He spun it around and then did something with his hands and the puppet started to move around on its own. 

Harry tilted his head and blinked. Well, that was different. Using chakra to make a puppet move? Kind of awesome. His hand twitched a little bit, having set the muffins down, and he stepped forward unconsciously. The words were on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to know how to do that--but then Gaara was there in the doorway to Harry’s backroom, gourd (HAH he remembered) on his back, and both of his arms wrapped around the raccoon. 

The blond’s eyes went wide. “G-gaara…” She stuttered. Her eyes were dilated and Harry was confused. Was she afraid of this little adorable red-head? 

This was all kinds of wrong. 

“Wait,” Harry held up his hand and froze the girl in place. It didn’t help with her fear. The teen, Kankuro, was also frozen, as was the puppet mid-step. “Wait, wait, wait a fucking minute,” he said with every spell, ignoring how Gaara narrowed his eyes and the sand was pouring from the gourd. “Is she afraid of you?” Harry pointed to the girl, staring at Gaara. 

The nin blinked, his sand going as still as the two teens. “Yes,” replied Gaara, as if it was simple. Normal. Expected. 

Harry had to pause to swallow back a moment of irrational rage. “You’re a child.” 

“I’m a shinobi.” 

“Still a child. And I think your sister—?!” 

“I kill people.” 

“And!?” 

Gaara allowed confusion to sweep over him, arms tightening around the toy. “I’ve threatened to kill her. She has seen me kill several people. Innocent and guilty. For no reason other than I wanted to--”

“You mean the creature inside of you pushed you to do it,” interrupted the wizard. “That’s tantamount to possession, and where I’m from that leaves you exempt from the crimes. It’s not you who did it.” 

“It was my jutsu. I did it. I am a killer. All shinobi are.” 

Harry sighed in disgust, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling as he tried to breath in patience. “Whatever. It’s not right that she’s scared of you.” He pointed to make his… point. 

The red-headed ninja actually shrugged. The little asshole. 

With a wave of his hand, Harry removed the spells he’d cast on the teens, who resumed where they had left off--the boy gushing over his puppet, and the girl taking a step back in fright. 

“Hello, Temari,” Gaara spoke plainly, with no inflection to his words, as he had been since yesterday. Harry left the red-head to deal with his sister and went to talk to the boy. 

“This is amazing, how did you fix it so well? It was shattered! I never thought I’d see this puppet whole again!” The boy was gushing. Harry laughed at him. “How did you do it?” 

“Magic,” Harry deadpanned. “Since it was something so small, the price is cheap.” And he passed over the bill he’d written up the night before. 

Kankuro nodded, the price was fair, and then dug into his pouch for some money that he then passed over. 

“Pleasure doing business with you. Goodbye now.” Harry smiled in a way that barely reached his eyes, glancing over to the girl and Gaara once more. Kankuro followed his gaze and sighed. 

“Temari. Let’s go. Gaara, ar-- wait, is that a tanuki?” 

“Yes,” replied Gaara’s blank voice. “Maybe. It’s mine. Harry-san gave it to me.” 

Kankuro mouthed the word ‘san’ and Harry got a huge grin on his face. “That’s right, I did. It’s yours now, you adorable little child.” He ruffled that red hair and then gently pushed them out the door. 

Temari was shocked that Harry was still alive after touching Gaara like that. Harry just grinned at her. 

“Come back again later, if you want, Bright Heart.” Harry’s eyes looked to the lightbulb heart on the fucking Care Bear raccoon he’d made for Gaara and then to the boy’s tattoo on his forehead. Then finally settled on Gaara’s green eyes, already less ringed from having gotten so much sleep. 

“Bright heart…” whispered Gaara before offering Harry the tiniest of smiles. Then he turned to his siblings and dropped it, walking out the door. 

Temari and Kankuro were so confused. 

“But I wanted him to fix more of my puppets…” Kankuro muttered, following behind his younger brother. Temari smacked him upside the head. 

Harry rolled his eyes at the whiner and shut the door. He had shit to do. Like, figure out when the hell his books were being released. 

… … …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … … … 
> 
> AN: Yeah. Care Bear. Its name is Bright Heart Raccoon. Beta suggested it, and I loved it. I mean, just picture it? I’m dying. SO cute.


End file.
